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Maternity ward visitor is driving me mad

221 replies

custardshire · 08/09/2022 04:09

I had a baby yesterday and I’m currently on the post natal ward. Right next to me there’s a couple which baby cries all day and all night. I’m fine with that and I sympathise with the mother. The staff is being really helpful and supportive as well.

tonight her baby woke up and cried desperately for over 30 minutes and both partner and mother were sound asleep and snoring really loud! I called the midwife to help the baby (hungry and had a full nappy). Again, I’ve got no problems whatsoever with the mum she must be having a very difficult time.

Her partner however is driving me insane! He snores like an animal all night long. She’s awake now and AIBU to think she should wake him up and make him move or change position? I would definitely do it to my DH. I can hear her moving and walking around so perhaps she could at least poke him whatever to try to make him stop? She’s just there minding her own business whilst her partner is keeping me and my newborn awake with his snore that sounds like a trumpet.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

TheMinuteYouWalkedInTheJoint · 08/09/2022 06:35

Men sleeping in the ward!? Jeez, I'd have hated that , I was in 10 days as I was very unwell. That would have tipped me over the edge.


Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 08/09/2022 06:38

That would have driven me nuts. I'd speak to the staff. You're comfort is a higher priority than her partner staying over. I don't agree with partners staying overnight, thankfully when I had my son, they didn't allow partners overnight. It was bad enough on that ward already, I couldn't wait to get home 😂


JulesCobb · 08/09/2022 06:40

bestbefore · 08/09/2022 05:26

I can't believe they let men stay...what's the point?! Are they just behind a curtain from you? How awful...

Probably to make the ward look less like it is understaffed, as it would be assumed they would be helpful.

With dc2 my dh was there the first night but i had my own room for the full week i was in so didnt have this issue luckily.


luxxlisbon · 08/09/2022 06:40

Glitteratitar · 08/09/2022 05:30

Honestly, I think it’s to do the midwives’ job for them. I gave birth during covid so visiting hours were limited for my DH. When I arrived on the ward, the midwife very clearly said they will help me tonight but tomorrow I’m on my own. So seems like they delegate care of mothers in recovery to their partners.

Completely agree with this. The midwives did absolutely for me post emcs, and I mean nothing. I had to ask every time my medication was due, they periodically swung by to shout that baby wasn’t feeding, offered no help then left, right after surgery we asked for help doing something with the baby and after asking multiple times a student midwife came by like 2 hours later. One of the midwives actually shouted at me because my hand was bleeding on the bed after a botched cannula.
It was horrific, god knows how I would have survived if my DH wasn’t there. I was struggling to much after surgery that I could not get baby out of the cot.


Justleaveitblankthen · 08/09/2022 06:41

I must have given birth in the dark ages. I had no idea partners could stay the night! Is it a double bed? 🤔
Sounds bloody awful OP.


SatinHeart · 08/09/2022 06:42

When I had my DC, if you wanted your partner to stay over you had to pay for a side room. Seemed like a good system. Partners weren't allowed to wander the ward after 8pm and had to stay in their room.

Definitely ask the staff to move you or them if neither of you gets discharged today OP.


Sunnyqueen · 08/09/2022 06:43

If you can't sit up just shout something at them, I wouldnt be able to help myself I don't think. They'd be lucky if it wasn't a blatent ' oh my fucking goddd, shut the fuckkk uppp!!'
But you could try 'excuse me, why are you letting him do that on this particular ward of all places?!'


oxydant · 08/09/2022 06:45

FictionalCharacter · 08/09/2022 04:37

What a nightmare. Do maternity wards actually let fathers stay overnight now? Ugh.

Some do some don't. I much preferred my second c section because that hospital didn't allow men overnight! Loved it!


MerryMarigold · 08/09/2022 06:46

Wow, no partners when I had mine and that was nearly 14 years ago. I was on a ward with twins though, then one went to ICU for few days so I served up on that ward for a week with no side room.They also made me walk the morning after a c section (I had it around 2pm). It sounds really awful, OP. Hopefully she or you can be discharged today.


girlmom21 · 08/09/2022 06:49

I wouldn't have had a problem if a man had been on the ward (granted I was very lucky and didn't have to stay over with either of mine) if they were there to help their partner - but what's the point if he's not there to help? He should just be sent home.

It's a clear sign of things to come for her as well, I fear.


Allschoolsareartschools · 08/09/2022 06:52

Men being allowed to stay overnight gives me the absolute rage tbh.
It wasn't a thing when I had mine thank goodness but I've got dds & hate the thought of them having to deal with this.
This is a time when women are exhausted & vulnerable coping with a massive life changing event yet we have to make allowances for men snoring & being generally loud with just a curtain to protect us?
Urgh, just sod off home.


PinkButtercups · 08/09/2022 06:52

Oh no! Partners aren't allowed to stay at our hospital overnight but I can see why it's getting you down!

My SIL snored so much they moved her to her own room as she was disturbing the other mothers 😅.


PinkPlantCase · 08/09/2022 06:53

Congrats on your new baby OP, hopefully you’ll be home soon and you can enjoy those newborn cuddles in peace.

On partners in wards, given the current state of funding for maternity care I would 100% want DH there to advocate for me and to help with baby. I had a straightforward Homebirth but I still didn’t change a nappy for nearly 2 weeks, my role was to rest, eat, do skin to skin and feed baby. Everything else was taken care of by DH. In the early days he’d pass DS to me when he woke up in the night.


BigHoots · 08/09/2022 06:53

I had this with last DC, they moved me to a private room when I told them I wanted to discharge myself and the baby.

Unless in exceptional circumstances, dads shouldn’t be allowed to stay. Visitors shouldn’t be allowed either.


KatherineofGaunt · 08/09/2022 06:54

Had the same in the ward my one overnight after the birth, except it was a woman. I don't know if it was a spouse or partner or sister to the woman who'd given birth, but she snored seemingly all night too. Someone else's baby crying every half hour waking my own up, then the snoring... Worst night ever.


BeingATwatItsABingThing · 08/09/2022 06:55

After having my first, I sat in my section of the room and cried when my DH was sent home. I was in pain and couldn’t move. My DD wouldn’t latch (tongue tie but we didn’t know at the time) and I didn’t know what to do. They’d told me he needed to go but other people had their partner’s staying so I felt really vulnerable and alone. I ended up ringing my mum and she came to the hospital and told the midwives she’d be staying with me.

After DD2, I was really panicking about being in overnight because I knew no one would be allowed with me (covid). I ended up in a bay with just one other woman and I had a really peaceful night. I entirely put that down to knowing what I was doing with a baby and being able to get up after birth and walk about easily.

I disagree with partners not being allowed. I desperately needed someone after my first but was fine after my second. I think the rules need to be stricter on the wards about quiet hours.


houseofboy · 08/09/2022 06:55

It is frustrating the only good thing about having a baby during covid was the very restricted visiting for dads meant no dads overnight which was a serious advantage


DoubleHelix79 · 08/09/2022 06:56

Postnatal wards really are hellish. I'm quite resilient but staying on two different wards (after both DC were born) almost broke me each time. And these were a lot less bad than some I've read about on MN. There really needs to be some change.


Hill1991 · 08/09/2022 06:57

When I had my ds men weren't allowed to stay and had strict visiting hours the only exception was a lady who had triplets (which I can fully understand), I would speak to the midwife as it's not fair on everyone else if he's keeping up the whole ward.

Congratulations op.


BigskyMontana · 08/09/2022 06:57

Congratulations OP on your new baby!!!

The postnatal ward is horrendous. My first time I was there for 5 days with Sepsis. Second time I was up and walking 6 hours after C Section because I was determined to go home. You can go home 24 hours post delivery. I would focus on getting out of bed and walking around. So that you can be discharged ASAP! The longer you stay in bed the harder it is. Once you are home you feel a lot better.

Also, you are never going to see the woman and her husband again. Don’t be afraid to tell them to be quiet and to look after their baby!


Porthia · 08/09/2022 07:00

oh no, definitely hope you said something OP. If not, talk to a member of staff today.

I always think it’s ironic that a hospital ward, especially post natal, is one of the hardest places to sleep when sleep is so incredibly important for recovery.

Personally I was v glad DH could stay when I had my first but I was in a lot of pain and had a catheter so couldn’t lift my baby out of her cot without assistance. I was in for 3 days and think I had about 2 hours sleep in that entire time though - and that was when I was under general anaesthetic. I have never been so tired in my entire life.

my experiences on the post natal ward with baby 1 was the driving force behind the home births I had with babies 2 & 3! With baby 2 I gave birth and within an hour was tucked up in my own bed with my baby beside me (and I banished DH to the spare room).


FreyaStorm · 08/09/2022 07:01

“tonight her baby woke up and cried desperately for over 30 minutes and both partner and mother were sound asleep and snoring really loud!“

Yeah, I’m going to judge that. What’ll happen when the poor little mite gets taken home?

She won’t say a word to the husband either as she’d probably be in for a beating.

Funny how some husbands were allowed to stay on the post natal ward and others not (not including special circumstances). Woman next to me had hers in all night despite a straightforward natural birth, whereas I had a EMCS with DC1 and desperately needed help. Midwives probably thought it was more than their jobs worth to ask him to leave…


romdowa · 08/09/2022 07:03

I had my partner stay with me and honestly it was a good thing too because the midwives were useless and rude. Kept refusing me pain meds after a section because two of them had to sign for it , I was bottle feeding and the hospital provided pre made bottles and they kept trying to get me to stretch the baby to every 4 hours by refusing to provide me with the bottles. He ended up with low blood sugars and the pediatrician gave them shit. There's no way I could have coped in there without dp. I left after 48 hours and the midwives tried to stop me and again he stood up to them. Maybe if the staff were decent then women wouldn't need their partners there.


toodlesthen · 08/09/2022 07:04

Partners were encouraged to stay when I had my daughter. All mothers on the ward had c-sections and the partners were doing all the work. Nurses were only administering pain relief drugs. London.


Scrambledchickens · 08/09/2022 07:10

Ask to move rooms, if that fails tell the staff you are going home. If your catheter is out get in the shower, mobilise around your ward and get out of there.

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