I had a baby yesterday and I’m currently on the post natal ward. Right next to me there’s a couple which baby cries all day and all night. I’m fine with that and I sympathise with the mother. The staff is being really helpful and supportive as well.
tonight her baby woke up and cried desperately for over 30 minutes and both partner and mother were sound asleep and snoring really loud! I called the midwife to help the baby (hungry and had a full nappy). Again, I’ve got no problems whatsoever with the mum she must be having a very difficult time.
Her partner however is driving me insane! He snores like an animal all night long. She’s awake now and AIBU to think she should wake him up and make him move or change position? I would definitely do it to my DH. I can hear her moving and walking around so perhaps she could at least poke him whatever to try to make him stop? She’s just there minding her own business whilst her partner is keeping me and my newborn awake with his snore that sounds like a trumpet.
AIBU?
Maternity ward visitor is driving me mad
custardshire · 08/09/2022 04:09
Am I being unreasonable?
1320 votes. Final results.
POLLfizzypop100 · 08/09/2022 23:05
Sorry to offend anyone but why are men allowed to stay? Women are so vulnerable after birth. I have never had a baby and would be horrified to have men around. I can remember there being sensible visiting hours when women in my family were on maternity wards. What changed ? It sounds like chaos
luxxlisbon · 08/09/2022 21:58
I assume that staying over is a joint decision so yes, you're right, it isn't just the woman being inconsiderate, it's both of them.
Frankly my own physical well-being after major surgery with no up to date pain relief after, zero help from midwives and a baby that needs care are at the top of my priority list. I was physically unable to look after my baby, why would I be more concerned about a stranger than my own child’s well-being? It’s my partner’s child too - why should I have to care for them by myself after major surgery?
The exact same argument can be used the other way around, no consideration for women who have had a much more physically traumatic birth and are not capable of caring for a newborn while recovering.
LosttheremoteAGAIN · 08/09/2022 22:42
I remember when I had my first
i was 19 (had turned 19 6 weeks earlier) and was bloody vulnerable
they told me I had to keep the curtains open 24/7
the bloke opposite me (sat in his shitty chair-he only moved out of it to shit or get snacks for himself) kept looking at me,with a massive grin on his face
im trying to get my tits out to feed my baby-he was looking with that grin
im trying to move about-staring with that grin
im trying to change my babies nappy-him still looking with that fucking grin
im trying to have a snooze-with him gawping-with the grin that never left his face
he didn’t help with his baby-not once
he did however take over the toilet for an hour every morning and kept commenting on the womens bodies and loudly told the ward about the blood stain on my pyjama bottoms
I snapped the curtains shut-and the midwives kept snapping them open again and kept telling me off for daring to open them
i was 19 years old-frightened,vulnerable and just wanted a tiny bit of privacy
then the bloody bounty woman comes barrelling towards me-I’m too young and frightened to tell her to fuck off
top it all off,this one midwife took it on herself to keep shouting at me for being young,unmarried and I deserved to go to hell for it (she took pleasure in waking me up if I did manage to doze and twice poked me in the spot I was sore from because I’d had to have two injections in my thigh)
she also walked in,ripped my pyjama top down and grabbed my nipple to ‘help’ feed my baby-when that failed she walked off with her and I went mental as I couldn’t see my baby-she reappeared and told me I was ‘overreacting’
I discharged myself-and they where going mental shouting at me I couldn’t-it took my dad to see the state I was in to sort it out with them-he told me to get my baby and my bag we where going right now
whoever called it the 6th circle of hell is spot on
User4648367373774 · 08/09/2022 06:31
I might get hate for this but this is why partners shouldn't be allowed to stay overnight to keep the numbers down imo. I've had two babies both by c section and I was grateful for the alone time when it was just me and baby. The ward I was on was quite peaceful as they didn't allow partners to stay.
ChillysWaterBottle · 09/09/2022 02:40
YANBU OP - maybe ask a midwife to have a quiet word with him?
I disagree with PP about partners on these wards though. I was in for 6 days post partum recovering and in a lot of pain. The staff were less than useless and my partner was a life saver, who slept on the floor and in chairs and cared for me and our newborn. I actually feel angry reading some of the previous comments so nearly a year later I'm clearly not over it. The staff were horrific, my partner was the only reason I got through.
Blondeshavemorefun · 09/09/2022 14:07
Why are the dads allowed to stay ? Pointless
I’m very relieved our local hospital has all single rooms
qpmz · 09/09/2022 16:00
Would be better if new mums were allowed a female friend or family member to stay overnight if they wanted the support. Better than having male partners in the ward at nighttime.
qpmz · 09/09/2022 16:00
Would be better if new mums were allowed a female friend or family member to stay overnight if they wanted the support. Better than having male partners in the ward at nighttime.
qpmz · 09/09/2022 16:00
Would be better if new mums were allowed a female friend or family member to stay overnight if they wanted the support. Better than having male partners in the ward at nighttime.
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EntertainingandFactual · 08/09/2022 05:10
Husbands and partners should not be sleeping over on postnatal wards.
It’s like being stuck in a mixed sex bunk room at a youth hostel (with newborn babies).
ShirleyPhallus · 09/09/2022 16:53
Christ no, I can’t think of anyone I want less than having my mum there.
qpmz · 09/09/2022 16:00
Would be better if new mums were allowed a female friend or family member to stay overnight if they wanted the support. Better than having male partners in the ward at nighttime.
XtinaCaligulara · 09/09/2022 15:34
Because MN isn't representative on this issue
Most women want their partners to stay IRL
Hence hospitals update their policies about it
Blondeshavemorefun · 09/09/2022 14:07
Why are the dads allowed to stay ? Pointless
I’m very relieved our local hospital has all single rooms
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