To end this friendship now I know what she would really think of me….

[EmptyHouse0822]

I have a friend and we met because our children go to the same school. It started off as just chatting on the playground, then going out with the children and now we will also go out just the two of us.

We have been friends for about 2.5 years and I would say we are pretty close in that we talk to each other about our problems and we know we can trust each other.

Anyhow, this morning, completely out the blue she made some very negative and distasteful comments about lesbians and although she was trying to pass it off as a joke the undertone was clear that she thought the concept of two women together was quite unpleasant.

The problem is that even though she doesn’t know it, I am bisexual and so her comments made me really uncomfortable. Obviously I’m married with children so she would have no reason at all to suspect I can be attracted to women and so wouldn’t see any reason why her comments would upset me on a personal level.

Even if I wasn’t bisexual I wouldn’t have found her comments acceptable at all.

But now I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like I can carry on this friendship knowing how disapproving she is of an aspect of my life but as we’ve been friends for so long and out children are good friends it wouldn’t make sense to anyone if I just pulled away from her.

I don’t know how to navigate this and I’m already dreading seeing her on the school run this afternoon.

AIBU to just pull back from the friendship and tell her why?

Very good reply,I agree

OP says the friend is now aware she is bisexual. And why would she regret marrying a man? There is nothing in her posts to indicate that.

Which one?

As the thread has been resurrected I thought I would just update you to say that things have not been resolved.

My friend hasn’t made any attempt to contact me and I’ve been staying out of her way so I think it’s safe to say that things came to their natural end.

ps) I definitely don’t have any regrets about marrying a man.

You friend's views are homophobic and disgusting. I would not want anything to do with her. I am heterosexual. I can't believe the replies here. No she is not entitled to her bigoted opinion.

I'm trying to imagine how it would feel to be personally on the receiving end of this disgust though. My child's father is not white but our child is quite pale (and I'm naturally sallow) so I'm imagining if a friend who was unaware of this revealed a racist side in front of her. Should she accept that trait?

Vile inexcusable attitude from this woman and frankly I'm glad you haven't resolved it with her. You and your daughter don't need people like that in your lives.

Sounds like it’s for the best. I hope she hasn’t gossiped too much about you.

Friends have.to.bite their tongues for friendship to last.

God the homophobia on this thread is disappointing.

You're better off without her OP.

People just like to be otherwise for the sake of it.

If the OP had said she didn’t want to be friends with someone because they were bisexual, she’d have her arse handed to her (rightfully so).

Not wanting to be friends with someone who is bisexual is not the same as a bisexual person not wanting to be friends with someone who is homophobic.

Two of you seemed more like lose acquaintances. You used to see each other at swimming once a week.

she contacted you twice She’s text me again seeing as I didn’t reply to her earlier one and she just said “Are we okay?” so was initially keen to keep up the close acquaintance but when it became clear you remained hurt and angry - she knew that there was little point pursuing you.

so it’s fizzled out.

i have a friend who is anti tory to the bone. She despises the party. I vote conservative. She is utterly sickened that I do but I accept she’s politically passionate and she accepts i vote for a party she despises. It is a tiny part of the fabric of our rel so we just don’t talk politics

I have a friend who is an anti vaccer and doesn’t really “believe in covid”. I find it utter nonsense, stupid infact. But she’s a dear friend, who would drop anything and everything for friends. And so much more. So we ring fence covid and just don’t talk about it.

if they weren’t proper friends - it wouldn’t work, but because we rarely do love and care for each other - we let it go.

Thanks for update.

@Doingprettywellthanks those are not comparable situations

I find it really, really odd that people would take the time to think about sex between two consenting adults. I’m as straight as they come. I don’t sleep with women because I’m not bi or a lesbian. There is zero attraction. Nor do I spend any time thinking about what 2 women do in bed together. Or two men. I don’t meet people and then think about what they do in bed with their partner and be either grossed out, turned on, or anything in between. Gay or straight. To do that would be odd. Right?

it’s different to feeling passionately about political leanings, or vaccination. Those things affect others, often in a dramatic way.

I get that your friend has expressed an opinion. I just think it’s a really strange one to have!

@poweredbysteam no, of course it’s not the same at all!

The point I was making is that the “homophobic”’ comments mentioned here that the PP was despairing about, are more an indication of the face that posters here like to be otherwise for the sake of it.

Some people are writing what others view as homophobic comments purely because they’re wanting to be otherwise to the OP and say “your friend is entitled to her opinion” etc etc.

Some people are writing what others view as homophobic comments purely because they’re wanting to be otherwise to the OP and say “your friend is entitled to her opinion” etc etc.

so you think they actually don’t mean it and aren’t homophonic, but get their kicks from saying homophobic things for kicks?

Yes, exactly. The otherwiseness on here is often astounding

So you really are giving them the benefit of the doubt aren’t you?

they are absolutely no homophobic but they will express homophobic views as though they do indeed have them simply because…. Why?

The otherwiseness on here is often astounding

are you sure you mean “otherwiseness”?

You know what I mean. You’re proving my point very well! 😂

Otherwise otherwise otherwise. Risking derailing a thread because you want to be….. you guessed it! You have the last word, and the. we can all have our own opinions.

Goodness - well, you’re being very kind to the posters posting homophobic comments.

Once the OP had said that she was married to her first boyfriend from teenage, I did wonder if the friend was going to eventually admit that she'd been wondering about her own sexuality. Extreme dislike/horror often happens when someone is in denial. Obviously it also happens when the person is homophobic.

Seems more likely that they're actually just homophobic tbh.

And not sure why you put homophobic in quotes.