He had fun in the shower ...

[clawflirt]

And was vocal about it all.... right after an argument with me.
When he finished and came out of the bathroom and when he saw me in the bedroom he immediately reverted back to being stony faced and the argument continued.

I cannot get over the hurt I feel, especially as we had not been intimate the night before or that morning.

AIBU.

I’m going to be singing this all day now 😂

Thanks.

I knew when I started this thread , that there would be plenty of stupid and disgusting remarks designed to belittle my op but I also knew that there was a chance that someone could help me make sense of it. Thanks to those who did.

To clarify , I did not want to be intimate with him after the argument began. It was beforehand. He was too tired etc.
Words like
Deliberate, vindictive, abuse and making me feel small are hard to read but you are rights.
It felt somewhat sinister.

I finished it with him but it's a good learning point for me.
He managed to hide this side of him for a couple of years!
We don't live together or have any ties but did spend a lot of our free time together
.
Funny thing is, when he felt he had lost control, he stonewalled me, gave me silent treatment,insisted we leave our mini break and go home .
I dumped him then.

I wish that this was your OP, and also the fact that you have dumped him now.

He sounds awful and I’m glad you got rid of him

Wait. Is this the guy with post-viral fatigue who you flipped out on for not organising your dinner, so you went off on your own for 3 hours and he got in a huff about it? If so, your post is a bit misleading.

😂😂😂

OP honestly just dump his arse, block him, move on. Consider it a bullet dodged.

I too made a frivolous response - not at the expense of the OP - as the title and contents of the OP seemed lighthearted at first and I took the thread to be a joke. I also know that there ARE posters who plop onto MN in this way to get their jollies at site members' expense. Equally, I don't want in any way to trivialize abusive behaviour. Apologies, OP.

Clearly this isn't a case of 'everyone does it and you're pearl-clutching if you object to this in your partner', a point some PPs seem to be willfully misunderstanding. In the context, there isn't much more of a grim way to show your outright contempt for another person. I'm glad he'll have no opportunity for a repeat performance. Stay rid.

Mumsnet has opened my eyes in the past to a lot I didn’t understand about abuse and misogyny, so it was pretty disconcerting tonight to have to wade through 5 pages of idiocy before I got to someone talking sense!

Thank you @Learningtofeminist, that’s how I felt reading all the responses too. I guess if I’d never been with my abusive ex who did stuff like this then maybe I’d find it unbelievable and amusing too. But having had the experiences I’ve had, I found this thread so upsetting. It’s not nice to feel like people would laugh at me and have fun swapping jokes about my experiences.

That’s part of the point though I think, the men who do stuff like this know that it’s bizarre and humiliating and you’ll be too embarrassed to tell anyone. So well done everyone, you’ve helped a shitty man in his mission to make the OP feel embarrassed and humiliated. Hope you’re all very proud of yourselves.

You lot are horrible. It's obvious how uncomfortable and humiliating that would be.

I have no issue whatsoever with masturbation. In fact I am very open sexually and hate to see men and women who feel shame surrounding their sexuality.It is too common.

But... it wasn't a sexual act. It was an act of control and power and belittlement but very very deliberate.

When he did come out of the shower, I knew he would say we were leaving our mini break as he was driving.

Again, no discussion. We were leaving and we did leave and he did not speak to me for two hours in the car.

When I finally left the car he asked me to let him know when I got home!
That's when I told him to do one.

He knows I could and would never confide in a friend about this. They would be horrified and disgusted.

He fooled me but only once.

I'm really glad you are free of him now OP. Seriously, never go back. You're free of him now.

Fair play to you @MarieIVanArkleStinks, you don't see many apologies around these parts! I really respect those who are big enough to come back and admit they got carried away with their insensitive responses. Good for you.

I thought the same when I read @MarieIVanArkleStinks post. It was nice. Personally think more people should come back and do the same but, yeah fair play to Mariel who did.

The trouble with these threads are is when the headline and the first post does describe what happened at all. Most people respond based on the first message which essentially was "had an arflguemht with bf. He bad a loud wank and now he is still mad. " which is very different from what actually happened. It sounded like a vey light hearted opening. And I don't think that the first message got people invested so that they follow the thread. That being said. MN gives opportunity for people to be bullies in general.

But op. You are broken up and that's fantastic. Get everything sorted ASAP and go with minimal contact with him.

I beg to differ, there's more than enough.

@Ki44 and @FirewomanSam Ahem, I actually made an apology pages before this… . It might be mine that @MarieIVanArkleStinks is referring too when she said “I too made a frivolous comment”.

My jokey comment didn’t get deleted as it wasn’t about the OP and wasn’t troll hunting. The problem with posting about this topic with a potentially provocative title at nighttime in AIBU is that many posters are going to be sceptical and may have a laugh. Because there have been people who have trolled on AIBU about the topic of masturbation. Both the section of the forum and the topic are low-hanging fruit. If this has been posted in Relationships, it would have received more serious responses. Not the OP’s fault of course. She may be new or wanted to take her chances in order to get more instant responses.

Most people respond based on the first message which essentially was "had an arflguemht with bf. He bad a loud wank and now he is still mad. " which is very different from what actually happened. It sounded like a vey light hearted opening.

See, I didn’t think it sounded light hearted or funny at all. I got the gist of what had happened from the opening post and was horrified, and OP’s subsequent posts just confirmed it. I had a horrible abusive ex who did stuff like this though so I guess I recognised the situation in a way that others (thankfully) won’t have done.

Yes @DuchessDarty well done to you for apologising too!

Agreed that this would have been better off in Relationships, but it’s a shame that some posters are so eager to be funny that they forget there might be a real person in a vulnerable situation that they’re making fun of.

Anyway, I’m glad OP has been getting some decent support in the last few pages and that several posters have admitted the jokes at the start were misguided.