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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He had fun in the shower ...

193 replies

clawflirt · 06/09/2022 20:16

And was vocal about it all.... right after an argument with me.
When he finished and came out of the bathroom and when he saw me in the bedroom he immediately reverted back to being stony faced and the argument continued.

I cannot get over the hurt I feel, especially as we had not been intimate the night before or that morning.

AIBU.

OP posts:
RageWank · 06/09/2022 22:45

This thread has been an education!

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 06/09/2022 22:45

You've got the measure of him op. Sorry to hear of his fuckwittery at your expense. Passive aggressive wanking - I've heard it all now!!
Hope you get over him quickly. 💐

ShhDoNotTell · 06/09/2022 22:46

I’m trying to get my head around this. So, are there levels of rage wank?

So, say if you’ve forgot to pick up a naan to go with his curry then it’s like a low level, maybe mid-speed type of an affair with the odd ‘what a bitch! I wanted the garlic and coriander’? But if you’ve burned his favourite shirt with the iron and shagged his brother then it’s hell for leather, pedal to the gas, friction burns type fiasco with a finale to rival the New Year fireworks, and some sort of operatic scale?

What about when you get so pissed you go quiet? Would he just be glaring at the tiles and choking his chicken in silence?

I feel like this has opened up a whole new world.

NiqueNique · 06/09/2022 22:47

@clawflirt some of the comments on here are utterly disgraceful. I understand what you’re saying and why it was hurtful. He’s a nasty person, as you well know. Make sure he stays an ex.

LimboLass · 06/09/2022 22:57

I thought school had only just started rather than finished for summer.

DuchessDarty · 06/09/2022 22:59

oakleaffy · 06/09/2022 22:43

“You’re wanking”.

Capital “Y”.

I remember our lovely English teacher who told us ( We were 5th Form then) about a flasher she sat opposite on the Tube.
Mrs F. said “Oh put it away- I’ve seen bigger”.

Show quote history

It wouldn't be capital Y in the context of my statement though because it wasn't the start of a sentence. There are also ways in which it could be said by someone that wouldn't mean it was necessarily the start of a sentence. This is a genuine SPAG comment btw!

diamon · 06/09/2022 23:04

Why did you give him an audience?

justasking111 · 06/09/2022 23:09

OH I'd have recorded that and told him I'd put it up on social media saying he didn't usually last that long girls 😂😂

Wombat100 · 06/09/2022 23:15

You’re well rid of him OP. He sounds like a complete and utter tit.

Tuilpmouse · 06/09/2022 23:27

I cannot get over the hurt I feel, especially as we had not been intimate the night before or that morning.

Wtf?... How does whether you had sex in the past 24 hours have any bearing on this?

Would his angry wank have been forgivable had you had sex in the previous few hours? If so, how weird!

Tuilpmouse · 06/09/2022 23:33

Yoiu're in the middle of a massive fight with your being really angry with him? And you seem to want have sex with him, and are furious that he preferred not to!

That seems pretty fucked up to me...

closingloop · 06/09/2022 23:33

clawflirt · 06/09/2022 22:39

The argument centred around me doing something on my own that he didn't want to do so I went off and did it anyway . He sulked , stonewalled and ignored me.

Did you go for a wank in the shower?

ThinWomansBrain · 06/09/2022 23:39

Did he clean the shower thoroughly after he'd finished?

QueenCamilla · 06/09/2022 23:48

I enjoy sex. But I really, really can't fathom being so desperate for a particular cock that some bloke could rage-wank at me.
I'm almost uneasy, like I've discovered a species of aliens that eat with their eye-balls.

Other than that, it sounds like the right decision to end the relationship.

Learningtofeminist · 06/09/2022 23:51

FirewomanSam · 06/09/2022 22:26

Do people also think it’s funny when men phone charity helplines and loudly masturbate down the phone to intimidate the (usually female) call handlers for kicks?

Or when men expose themselves to women in public as a form of sexual harassment?

What OP’s ex did was an act designed to make her uncomfortable and punish her for something. It’s along the same lines as above, a man forcing a woman to listen to/watch him masturbate as a form of intimidation.

It’s not funny and those laughing and cracking jokes should be ashamed of themselves.

I got what you meant about the whistling and singing too OP. My ex used to do that too. He’d stonewall me and refuse to talk to me but would walk around the flat singing merry tunes to himself, basically as a way to say ‘fuck you, I’m pretending you’re not even here’. Extremely immature behaviour!

Thank you! Mumsnet has opened my eyes in the past to a lot I didn’t understand about abuse and misogyny, so it was pretty disconcerting tonight to have to wade through 5 pages of idiocy before I got to someone talking sense! (@Leafy3 and @Sux2buthen thank you for being the voices of reason too.)

OP, glad you’ve thrown this one back and I’m really sorry about the majority of the responses on here.

blockpavingismynightmare · 06/09/2022 23:55

I hope he cleaned the shower afterwards.... yuk

GooglyEyeballs · 06/09/2022 23:59

You could be really pretty and have a loud wank in the bathroom and make sure he hears. 😆

DeadHouseBounce · 07/09/2022 00:06

You should have pulled your male sex doll out from under the bed and been on it when he came back, and totally ignored him, LOL.

Droo · 07/09/2022 00:18

Next time give him a round of applause and tell him your neighbours were clapping too.

Ticksallboxes · 07/09/2022 00:32

You are married to a toddler...

Ki44 · 07/09/2022 00:35

OP - he was being vindictive. Most people masturbate privately. It's a solo act after all. They wouldn't in the middle of an argument be going to the bathroom to wank as loudly as possible deliberately for their partner to hear.

You called it. He was angry with you, knew that this would upset you and set about being as loud and deliberate as possible. It's a power trip, it's nasty, and it's abusive, particularly as the argument you were having was one where he was trying to control you. He quite literally in the sickest of ways got off on hurting you and made you well aware of it. You were right to dump him and please don't ever go back.

I'm sorry too for the responses you got. You don't deserve that and I hope you're OK. What he did was not OK and it's not your fault. And above all it's absolutely not normal behaviour.

Etak123 · 07/09/2022 01:20

CaptainBarbosa · 06/09/2022 21:16

Oh a new one

Lyrical, vocal range wanking.

Imagine you were a person who cries when they are angry, it would sound like a paid North Korean griever, wailing and sobbing at the death of old Kim.

A theatrical angry crying wank...

Show quote history

I wonder what they are called? As a simpler version of your theatrical angry crying wank is the more common favourite of some angry individuals is the ever so popular, good for the soul, good ole crying wank a.k.a. The crank 🤣cranking one out, having a crank ect. 🤣

SunnyD44 · 07/09/2022 06:01

some of the comments on here are utterly disgraceful. I understand what you’re saying and why it was hurtful. He’s a nasty person, as you well know. Make sure he stays an ex.

I agree.

Some posters are implying that the OP is very young and this may not be as serious as she’s making it out to be, yet they’re the one giggling and making fun because of the word wank.

He is a nasty person and OP needs to be reassured that it is ok to feel upset and what he did was wrong.
PPs need to not act like the partner and make a big joke out of everything, making her question her boundaries.

SavoirFlair · 07/09/2022 06:29

I agree with the recent posts - there are some disgracefully immature posts from people on here who are wilfully ignoring someone who is vulnerable, and having a laugh at her expense.

it’s like the in crowd on here are desperate to one-up each other with the latest iteration of the imagined masturbation scenario. It’s just belittling to the OP.

back on topic…

@clawflirt thank you for sharing. I think it sounds to me like you have a very tumultuous relationship to the point where if you have an argument so serious that a person is declared an “ex” , and then hours later you desire sex from them, there is a possible problem with how up and down it is all, and how vulnerable this makes you feel as a result.

I would suggest avoiding sex with him when there is such a huge issue, as he can then have the “power” to reject or upset you immediately after, making things far worse for you.

HakuSansTan · 07/09/2022 06:40

There is such a puerile pack mentality on MN sometimes. At best many of you ridiculed the OP just as her "partner' had done. Really nasty pile on for cheap laughs.

I understood your initial post @clawflirt it must have been upsetting to experience that off the back of his stone walling. You must know that he did what he did to minimise you even further - just like his rejection of you, this behaviour is designed to make you feel as small as possible as a form of punishment. It is abuse and it's very very deliberate.

Please make sure he is an ex. This sort of behaviour will be ramped up the more enmeshed the relationship becomes. Are you able to split immediately?

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