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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really annoyed/upset at first day of primary school childs lunch eaten by another

286 replies

charley39 · 05/09/2022 16:06

As the title suggests really.

Just collected my son from his first day of school in reception. Nothing was said at pick up by the teacher. On our way out of the school my son told us that he didn’t eat his sandwiches. Bit more digging and he’s told me that he didn’t get his lunch another child ate it all and he was given a baguette instead. None of it was making any sense so we went back to the class to speak to the teacher.

Apparently another child has picked up his lunch bag and they assumed my son didn’t have packed lunch so they got him a ham baguette which he ate half the bread off(he won’t eat ham only plain bread). Then she said they then realised another child had his lunchbox and they then gave it back to my child so I said oh so you did eat your crisps and cake and my son was adamant he didn’t get it it was eaten. Teacher then said oh I don’t think we had picked up on it quick enough.

Now I’ve come home I’m getting more and more upset about the situation. He’s come home starving and it has stressed him out the fact he didn’t get his own lunch which is a big thing for him. And the fact it’s his first day of school.

Also extremely concerned in terms of allergies etc if the other child who had his lunch had allergies. I feel like it is a big issue?

OP posts:
Twizbe · 05/09/2022 19:41

mam0918 · 05/09/2022 19:03

This would be a big issue for me as we are allergic to pork/ham/pig products.

Im not sure what would happen if the kid that took the lunch got sick (thats on the school supervision not you) but the school absoloutly should NOT be dishing out food during school without contacting you for consent or knowing the childs dietry requirements.

They'd know that. Any school registration form asks for dietary and allergy needs.

Add to that by 4, allergic children should be able to communicate their allergy when needed.

Seriously as an allergy parent, the least of my worries at school is that someone will give him what he's allergic to.

mathanxiety · 05/09/2022 19:42

And I note that the issue of diets which exclude pork has been completely overlooked by the school.

Are there no observant Muslim or Jewish families in attendance?

Twizbe · 05/09/2022 19:46

mathanxiety · 05/09/2022 19:42

And I note that the issue of diets which exclude pork has been completely overlooked by the school.

Are there no observant Muslim or Jewish families in attendance?

Sigh ... again... when a child accepts a school place the parent completes a lengthy registration form.

That include ALL dietary requirements. The school and teachers would know if the child was one who couldn't eat pork.

mathanxiety · 05/09/2022 19:48

@Mumspair1
Neglecting to make sure everyone in the class got their own lunch is a big failure on the teacher's fault.

I would wonder about this person's experience in dealing with Reception classes if she hadn't anticipated a problem like this and had no system in place to ensure it didn't happen. It's not a big ask to expect that a teacher would make sure everyone in her class got their own lunch, and it doesn't matter how big the class is. A child can't learn on an empty stomach.

If this happens again I hope the OP won't hesitate to ask what the teacher intends to do to ensure all the children get their own lunch.

Original poster
charley39 · 05/09/2022 19:49

@SMQC thank you so much for such a lengthy response I appreciate you taking the time. Your probably very right in what you are saying about it being contributed to by other issues/anxiety.

thank you to those who have been helpful and provided useful advice.

for me I won’t be commenting anymore as it’s just switching to what it wasn’t about such as why I provide the lunch I do for him or why he won’t eat a school dinner. We have had so many issues in the past with eating that it isn’t a simple case of just let him get on with it but as I say that’s nothing to do with this post so I’ll no longer be commenting.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 05/09/2022 19:50

Agree with @Brefugee

Lots of very callous responses here.

Softplayhooray · 05/09/2022 19:55

CodysFish · 05/09/2022 16:07

Downplay the drama for the sake of your son.

First ever day of school is massive and emotional for a lot of parents!! It was a little thing, please don't obsess over it. A thousand of these little things will happen over the course of school. Its really okay!

Crumpleton · 05/09/2022 20:03

mathanxiety · 05/09/2022 19:50

Agree with @Brefugee

Lots of very callous responses here.

Another who agrees.
Shocking attitudes towards someone elses child.

That DC may have known he had a lunch and exactly what it was and got confused and upset as to why he hadn't been given it by the staff member.
Equally bad that it wasn't rectified quicker by being given his correct lunch before half of it had been eaten.

100problems · 05/09/2022 20:03

Oops.

On day 1 last week this happened to a child in our R class, who was given a hot lunch instead with dessert etc.

The child was a teacher at the school's child who, when told (by me), said ah well these things happen. Because they just do sometimes!

R is crazy go nuts on Day 1, it will not effect their future school experience if handled appropriately and sorted tomorrow.

Hope your DS had a great day otherwise!

Moonshine160 · 05/09/2022 20:06

This would upset me too OP. I have a son who is a very picky eater unfortunately and I would hate to think of him going hungry. I also know it would cause him some anxiety if he was given food he doesn’t like especially on what’s already a big day for him. Hopefully it was just a bit of first day chaos and won’t happen again. He will have forgotten all about it by tomorrow at lunchtime when he’s got his own lunch in front of him.

Shinyandnew1 · 05/09/2022 20:09

You need to encourage him to speak up when something isn’t right.

I have had parents screaming at me at the end of the day because I haven’t sorted something out that I had no idea had even happened, eg ‘Archie was kicked in the shin at playtime today and you did nothing’. I say, ‘Oh Archie, you poor thing, you didn’t tell me! Did you tell anyone?’ and when the answer is no and they haven’t shown any sign of being upset, it’s very difficult to help, as you didn’t know there was a problem.

Jjones8 · 05/09/2022 20:11

These thing happen. Stay calm. Label his box really clearly with his name or something else very obvious eg a ribbon / keyring etc… And tell him to stand up for himself - in a big voice. Let it go - unless it keeps happening.

Johnnysgirl · 05/09/2022 20:18

I'd be tempted to put some sort of an alarm in so it beeps loudly if someone else opens it
Fucking hell 😂

Bishbashboss · 05/09/2022 20:31

Advice: DO NOT ask MN AIBU if you want reassurance/ valuation/sympathy !!!!

When will people learn 😆

SlowHandClap · 05/09/2022 20:33

Johnnysgirl · 05/09/2022 20:18

I'd be tempted to put some sort of an alarm in so it beeps loudly if someone else opens it
Fucking hell 😂

Indeed @Johnnysgirl , no reflection on the OP but some of these replies are completely batty Grin

Tigofigo · 05/09/2022 20:37

Festoonlights · 05/09/2022 18:21

School life is going to be extremely long and painful op if you are going to react like this every time.....

Oh come off it. It's the kids first day! It's an emotionally charged time for a lot of parents. I'd feel upset too OP, we just want everything to go right on the first day.

If you already have a child who is anxious about new situations, little things like this can set them back no matter how we react.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 05/09/2022 20:38

I don’t get the comments of it’s not a big issue? It is a big issue her son had nothing to eat, wtf?

Sparklythings1 · 05/09/2022 20:40

As the person who is usually on the other end of this in these situations (which happen multiple times per week at first).. the teacher only has two pairs of hands and two eyes to see with. She also needs to be able to get a break at some stage herself. You cannot imagine what even 30 minutes in reception takes out of you at the start so she was probably just on the verge of passing out from sheer exhaustion and just so glad they were all sitting down to eat lunch. No doubt while this was going on she would have been dealing with 53 other minor issues so unfortunately your child is just one of many. I now have my own child and I would 100% be a bit miffed if this happened to me too but I can’t even put into words how stressful and FULL ON her job is right now. Give him an extremely obvious, labeled lunch box and hope for the best tomorrow 🤞🏼

sarahj878 · 05/09/2022 20:44

I would downplay it in front of your son so his first day doesn’t become all about food and lunch but I would suggest having a friendly chat with school dinner team (this might not necessarily be his teacher) to discuss what happened. You don’t want to be seen as a troublemaker but I say this as an allergy mum, it’s pretty important they get lunches right!

SnackSizeRaisin · 05/09/2022 20:48

Tessasanderson · 05/09/2022 17:08

I havent read all the responses. I just wonder if its possible another child has struggled their way through the school holidays with a less than caring home life. Come back to school as a bit of a break from their issues and taken the opportunity of some proper food for once.

Before i made any issues about this i would ensure i had a little bit of understanding that things arent always black and white. It wouldnt hurt my own kid to miss out just this once to ensure another child gets a break.

That has to win the award for the most ridiculous virtue signalling post ever!

misteek · 05/09/2022 20:51

What happened to the lunch box of the child who took the OP's sons box?

SlowHandClap · 05/09/2022 20:51

PatientlyWaiting21 · 05/09/2022 20:38

I don’t get the comments of it’s not a big issue? It is a big issue her son had nothing to eat, wtf?

They did , the school provided some food , not ideal but at least they had something

Twawmyarse · 05/09/2022 20:52

Sparklythings1 · 05/09/2022 20:40

As the person who is usually on the other end of this in these situations (which happen multiple times per week at first).. the teacher only has two pairs of hands and two eyes to see with. She also needs to be able to get a break at some stage herself. You cannot imagine what even 30 minutes in reception takes out of you at the start so she was probably just on the verge of passing out from sheer exhaustion and just so glad they were all sitting down to eat lunch. No doubt while this was going on she would have been dealing with 53 other minor issues so unfortunately your child is just one of many. I now have my own child and I would 100% be a bit miffed if this happened to me too but I can’t even put into words how stressful and FULL ON her job is right now. Give him an extremely obvious, labeled lunch box and hope for the best tomorrow 🤞🏼

Honestly, these poor teachers - as if they haven't enough on their hands with a brand new class full of 30-odd 4 to 5 yo's - they're also expected to have eyes in the back of their heads and be psychically aware of every possible lunchbox-swapping/stealing circumstance that could occur and swoop in to stop it happening FFS.

And the pp who came up with the brainwave of putting an alarm in her child's lunchbox - just when I though MN couldn't get any more batshit!

Viviennemary · 05/09/2022 20:54

Of course its annoying but just put it behind you.

FredandFloReadyToGo · 05/09/2022 21:04

Think the OP is getting a hard time here.
It would annoy me tbh. Hope he gets his own lunch tomorrow OP!