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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really annoyed/upset at first day of primary school childs lunch eaten by another

286 replies

charley39 · 05/09/2022 16:06

As the title suggests really.

Just collected my son from his first day of school in reception. Nothing was said at pick up by the teacher. On our way out of the school my son told us that he didn’t eat his sandwiches. Bit more digging and he’s told me that he didn’t get his lunch another child ate it all and he was given a baguette instead. None of it was making any sense so we went back to the class to speak to the teacher.

Apparently another child has picked up his lunch bag and they assumed my son didn’t have packed lunch so they got him a ham baguette which he ate half the bread off(he won’t eat ham only plain bread). Then she said they then realised another child had his lunchbox and they then gave it back to my child so I said oh so you did eat your crisps and cake and my son was adamant he didn’t get it it was eaten. Teacher then said oh I don’t think we had picked up on it quick enough.

Now I’ve come home I’m getting more and more upset about the situation. He’s come home starving and it has stressed him out the fact he didn’t get his own lunch which is a big thing for him. And the fact it’s his first day of school.

Also extremely concerned in terms of allergies etc if the other child who had his lunch had allergies. I feel like it is a big issue?

OP posts:
Olive2022 · 06/09/2022 16:03

@Dinoteeth much better day today thank you. He came out full of beans all chatty and excited about his day and how he got the right lunch today xx

Dinoteeth · 06/09/2022 16:14

Good stuff. I'm sure the teacher will have been extra vigilant on checking the lunch boxes too because it is an allergy risk. I'm sure she's thanking her lucky stars that nothing went seriously wrong yesterday.

Can't be easy for teachers trying to remember 30 names and do the whole who's who.
It's crossed my mind that she even have mixed up two kids with similar names? Given Johnny A, Johnny Bs box?

Madamum18 · 06/09/2022 17:53

The teacher should have told you what happened!!

threatmatrix · 06/09/2022 18:13

Shit happens get over it.

axolotlfloof · 06/09/2022 18:34

Let him have school dinner.
He won't starve and may learn to eat wider range of foods.

dcthatsme · 06/09/2022 18:44

Put your son's name in big permanent lettering all over the lunchbox and mention to your son's teacher that he has brought in his own lunch when you take him in to school and impress upon them that he needs to eat this food as he has various food allergies. I understand how protective you feel about your son when he's just starting school. Hopefully it won't happen again

MrsWeasley · 06/09/2022 18:49

I understand how upsetting it can be. I worked in a school and the amount of times we had mixed up lunches was getting ridiculous. The issue was always caused by the same or similar looking lunch boxes which were never named. My tip would be to make sure his name is visible on the outside that way someone is less likely to take it by accident. (We use stickers on ours).

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 06/09/2022 18:51

threatmatrix · 06/09/2022 18:13

Shit happens get over it.

What is the point in commenting this @threatmatrix ?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 06/09/2022 18:52

Just first day settling - don’t stress over it. Presumably you’ve filled in allergy/medical forms?

Mollymoostoo · 06/09/2022 19:00

I would have been pissed off tbh. It is a mistake yes, but it cost you to send this food. What happened to then other child's lunch?
I would, out-of ear shot, make sure the teacher knows whichbis his lunch and say you will make a formal complaint if it happens again. You can guarantee they were all calling you a bad mum for not sending a lunch in.

Grrrrdarling · 06/09/2022 19:02

charley39 · 05/09/2022 16:06

As the title suggests really.

Just collected my son from his first day of school in reception. Nothing was said at pick up by the teacher. On our way out of the school my son told us that he didn’t eat his sandwiches. Bit more digging and he’s told me that he didn’t get his lunch another child ate it all and he was given a baguette instead. None of it was making any sense so we went back to the class to speak to the teacher.

Apparently another child has picked up his lunch bag and they assumed my son didn’t have packed lunch so they got him a ham baguette which he ate half the bread off(he won’t eat ham only plain bread). Then she said they then realised another child had his lunchbox and they then gave it back to my child so I said oh so you did eat your crisps and cake and my son was adamant he didn’t get it it was eaten. Teacher then said oh I don’t think we had picked up on it quick enough.

Now I’ve come home I’m getting more and more upset about the situation. He’s come home starving and it has stressed him out the fact he didn’t get his own lunch which is a big thing for him. And the fact it’s his first day of school.

Also extremely concerned in terms of allergies etc if the other child who had his lunch had allergies. I feel like it is a big issue?

Don’t worry about the other kid having allergies. They clearly don’t or the teachers would be hot on the case when it came to their food.
What you do do is you tell your child that if he sees anyone else touching his lunch bag he is to tell them to not do that & if they don’t listen he is to get a teacher.
How the food was accessed by another is hard to fathom as our have to request their lunch bag from a teacher at lunch time.

pollymere · 06/09/2022 19:05

They may know something about the kid who ate your ds lunch that we don't. At least they realised and got him something to eat which could easily have been one of the teachers' own lunches. Now they can keep an eye out and your son can look for the kid and take back his lunchbox. It happens unfortunately and I think you just end up being pragmatic. I hope your labelling skills have also been used on all uniform items including shoes...

Looby57 · 06/09/2022 19:06

I think ur right to be hacked off. Teachers take responsibility for your child while in the schools care. I’m actually amazed you kept cool. I’d have been furious!

Mfsf · 06/09/2022 19:07

Breatheeeeeeee . Pick your battles .

Looby57 · 06/09/2022 19:08

I agree

wildchild554 · 06/09/2022 19:09

At that age it must be quite upsetting for your child, also is your child a picky eater, some kids are and will only eat certain things for whatever reason so is a big issue for kids like this too and probably even more upsetting. Your right this can be a big issue for kids with allergies as well, when my kids were on packed lunches I was very vigilant making sure they knew to only eat what's in theirs and were labelled with their names, the lunches were all kept together, unfortunately even this didn't protect them fully as I found out after pestering the teachers alot my eldest had been given milk every lunchtime and only found out 6 weeks later after being told repeatedly he hadn't accessed anything he shouldn't have which explained why his eczema was so bad, some of which were open which cleared up till they went back and it started again. So yes at that age I feel a bit more caution is needed as kids still don't fully understand their allergies at that age. Although at the same time mistakes can happen.

OneFrenchEgg · 06/09/2022 19:16

I get it op, it's frustrating to have no control over simple stuff and have your child affected however mildly. I wish I had been more assertive at nursery when told dc refused their lunch (like a bad behaviour) only to find out they'd been shoving hot cooked dinners (mince - bolognese)

at her when she had brought a vegetarian packed lunch which they'd given to a different child. Or when I was told my son had fallen over a stair gate (at nine months) 'when he'd been accidentally dropped'

qtpa2t · 06/09/2022 19:19

I feel like this is the sort of thing that would piss me off too, but reality is that especially since it's the first day of school the teachers don't know the kids very well yet, they don't know who's lunchbox is who's, things like these are gonna happen now and again. Clothes swaps, book swaps etc. So you should just make sure that if YOUR child has any allergies that the teachers make sure to get his lunch to him. I'm sure that children who do have severe allergies go through a different level of lunch security, tbh.

Buffs · 06/09/2022 19:39

If it happens once then let it go, these things happen, your son might even learn to speak up and watch his stuff. If it happens on a regular basis then absolutely say something.

Suja1 · 06/09/2022 20:15

Not an overreaction. I would be concerned that this had happened. They should have given your child an option on what to eat if his own lunchbox was missing. I find the "get over it" replies rather unkind. Hope the school isn't so careless when it comes to allergies. It would bother me.

csigeek · 06/09/2022 20:22

It’s a mistake a 4 year old made, teachers will get better at knowing whose lunchbox is whose and this is just an unfortunately mistake.
I’m guessing this is your first DC.

bluesapphire48 · 06/09/2022 20:23

Don't worry about the other child having allergies. It isn't all that likely, and it would be up to the staff to look out for the other child.
And don't make a big deal of it in front of your son, but DO let him know that you care that he was hungry, and on his first day of school. Calmly let him know that he has to assert himself in a situation like that, and that isn't supposed to happen at school.
But DO tell the teacher that they were negligent not to make sure your child had gotten his lunch, and demandnicelythat they make sure it doesn't happen again.
Is there a way that you can make your child's lunch bag or box immediately identifiable? Can you put a little paint on it it, or use markers to make it a bright color to stand out from all the others, so that your child and the teacher knows for sure it's his?

bluesapphire48 · 06/09/2022 20:26

"Nicely" wasn't meant to be struck out, but rather separated from the rest of the sentence with Em dashes.

oreobiscitz · 06/09/2022 20:43

Let him have school lunch. So much easier for everyone

You say he won't eat it bit its his first day so you haven't given him chance

mamaandbabas · 06/09/2022 20:47

Things like this are bound to happen in schools, unfortunately for you OP it was your DS. I forgot to give DD 1 a snack on her 1st day at school. DM was mortified😅

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