Husband texted escorts

[Cantbelieveit12]

I was on holiday with our children and he texted three escorts. He said he didn't meet them. I'm devastated. He's in work now and refusing to talk to me.

Bump,regular poster,but nc

I know someone who went through a similar thing. He told her it was a one off but when she checked months later he was still at it. I imagine your DP will say the same thing but sadly I doubt it's the case

Some people have morals of a alley cat. You don't want your kids to model this or think it's ok. You deserve more.

Get your ducks in a row and get out. I'm so so sorry this is happening to you lovely.

I also hate to say it get a Sti check (most escorts are probably less likely to have a sti due to the nature of things - according to what my friend was told after she had to get checked by a sexual health nurse) but better safe than sorry.

I'm not sure if I could forgive this tbh because ok you don't know he has done anything but you can see the intent was there.. and if it's there once ... it is likely to appear again.

Also him going radio silent isn't a good sign.

Sending you a massive hug 💐

Thank you for responding. We are together over 20 years and have 3DC. I knew he seemed different when he met us on holiday and that's why I checked his phone. Three escorts and he had them blocked. He said he was lonely and just texted them to see what they did...seriously! I'm devastated. I'm a SAHM and no family support.

That’s a straight up LTB for me. He’d be wearing his knackers as earrings.

I’d so rarely say this but I’d tell him to leave over that. The refusing to speak to you as if you have done wrong is almost equally awful.

Take control and tell a trusted friend or relative and then tell him you need space to decide how to proceed.

This would be one I'd struggle to take him back from I'm afraid.
Take some time to think about what you want (not what is easiest for him or what he wants). Take control of the situation and decide what is best for you.
Have you got a friend/close family that you can confide in?

First off I wouldn't trust for a second that he didn't meet with one so get an sti check if you've done the deed since. Secondly, he does that and he's refusing to speak to you?? You know what you need to do, get the locks changed before he comes home, bag his shit up in bin liners and leave it outside.

Or better yet drive his shit in bin liners to his work and let him know there the locks are changed in front of everyone. If you can't get past a reception that's perfect tell them to pass the message on.

Why do you want to speak to him. Take the opportunity to change the locks whilst she’s out. Good riddance

Honestly DO NOT fall for the “it was just a text” bullshit

A few months ago I found myself in a similar situation. I was 99% sure he hadn’t physically done anything and got an sti test (clear). I would have 100% left if we didn’t have a 9 month old and me leaving meant moving 3+ hours away (no family here).

My husbands attitude was the reason I stayed. He instantly contacted therapists, signed himself up for therapy, signed us both up for couples counselling, started being more present at home, took passwords off / gave me passwords for everything, started leaving his phone on the table / barely touching it when he got home from work.

I’m under no illusion he’s a dickhead, he’s really really hurt me, wrecked the trust, shown me how he sees women etc. But it’s the decision I had to make for our family. I didn’t want my daughter to have to spend every weekend travelling hours to see her dad, I didn’t have the capacity to drive her half the way, and I can see how much she adores him. I’ve gave it 6 months and if I still can’t move on even a little I’ll leave for my own sanity. Couples counselling is helping but I need my own really to process my emotions.

feel free to inbox me if you want wanted to discuss anything

I'm sorry to say it but most women posting about this on here, if they have the opportunity to check, find out that messaging but never actually meeting is lies.

Even if he truly dydbt follow through on meeting, the thought and intent - going to so far as contacting prostitutes is still there.

Check what they do ...... Riiiigjt. He's an adult, he knows what they do. He doesn't need to check that. No-one does.

Oh and their profiles on the websites they advertise on like adult work generally state exactly what they do.... So why would you need to message them to check??

Also there are review websites where you can read reviews of "punts" from now to the next millennia... If he can Google he could find those, so again ..... Why would he need to check in person.

He's gone silent be sure he knows he's fucked, he's knows he's caught, he knows he had no real excuses, except the bullshit line he's fed you. He wants you to pipe down, let it go etc and pretend he hasn't been caught doing that. He's stone walling you.

He's not even begging like he should be.

(Not that I'd recommend continuing your marriage even if he was begging).

I actually think the stone walling and not speaking to you when he's been caught doing something that's a deal breaker (and you don't even know what's he's actually done) says a lot a out his attitude to you and the relationship in general.

There's an apparent arrogance there, he thinks he's above you. You can be put to the side and get the equivalent of a "go away'" palm in your face when your marriage is in absolute crisis due to his infidelity or attended infidelity.

And with hookers at that.

Ah they all say the exact same line. "I just text to see what would happen" even if that were true, it's still fucking disgusting.

If he didn't cheat on you , he certainly tried and thought about it. Scummy man.

The refusing to speak to you too is purely abusive

He said he was lonely
Ah so its kind of your fault for leaving him alone...this is what it sounds like hes thinking.

Lonely? Right well any time you're away from him again hes going to be lonely and do something like this. I couldn't live like that what a prick.

He said he was lonely

That's funny I always message male escorts when I'm lonely too; not my family or siblngs, or friends or acquaintances, I don't go out and go a hobby ... I don't contact people I meet, I look up and message male escorts.

All my partner's have been exactly the same .... When they're lonely, they don't arrange to meet their mates, or go to the pub, or see their family .... They message prostitutes.

Why didn't he video call yourself and his kids if he was feeling lonely.

Why didn't he go to the pub.

Why didn't he look up a family member of mate/acquaintance.

BS.

If your h of 20 years can't be left at home on his own for a holiday (did he chose not to go?) without looking up and contacting prostitutes.... Sorry but he is simply not trustworthy and had no integrity and has totally skewed morals/values/inclinations.

LemonDrop22 sums it up perfectly!

He wasn't lonely, he was another word ending in y.

It was also a case of "when the cat's away ..".

He possibly thought he wouldn't even have to bother going to the prostitute, they might come to his free house (?)

He has ok'd this with himself, in a 20 yr marriage with kids; those are his values.

Nobody texts escorts to 'see what they do'. They're not going to waste their time texting 'lonely' men for no pay.

This is 100% a dealbreaker IMO.

It never ceases to amaze me how many men try that line. I was just curious to see what they do. What the fuck do they think they do?! I agree, it's utter bullshit. Minimising, lying bullshit.

From reading UK punting reviews, there are often bookers for more than one prostitute.

They don't want to repeatedly state what the prostitute will do; it's on their profile. They want a short, quick message to book a meeting. Sometimes they don't even get into a (minimal) convo about what the "punt" will include, they just set a date, time and length of time. Eg. It's £150 for an hour.

If a booker saw the same man messaging multiple prostitutes they were doing bookings for,vand not setting up a meeting quickly they'd probably stop messaging quickly.

If a prostitute doing her own booking didn't get to a meeting set up relatively quickly, they'd stop messaging quickly.

Interesting that he blocked their numbers .... They're not going to "harass" him, theyre unlikely to chase clients so why block ... .you'd imagine it's because he doesn't want any responses (messages) or call backs from his enquiries to come up on his phone at an inconvenient time i.e. when back in your proximity.

He's not speaking because he knows he's totally fucked things over and there is no excuse. This is one of the reasons I have a huge issue with porn- these prostitutes pop up as 'pop ups' constantly and I think the ease of it has made the kind of man who it would never have occurred to think it's an easy option ,unlike kerb crawling etc.

Sadly op I think it has to be the end- as others have said if you are in a long term relationship and feel lonely read a book, text a friend, pop to the pub- you don't contact hookers!!

This is one of the reasons I have a huge issue with porn- these prostitutes pop up as 'pop ups' constantly and I think the ease of it has made the kind of man who it would never have occurred to think it's an easy option ,unlike kerb crawling etc.

You have a point but let's not blame porn.

A man who does not ok it with himself to contact prostitutes with a view to meeting them while in a monogamous LTR; will ignore or click x on a pop up. End of.

You're either prepared to go there/cross that line or you're not.