Husband texted escorts

[Cantbelieveit12]

I was on holiday with our children and he texted three escorts. He said he didn't meet them. I'm devastated. He's in work now and refusing to talk to me.

It's such a grim topic but I also should check your joint bank accounts.

Most escort sites hide the transaction reference under something that sounds innocent. Check everything that sounds weird or unknown.

Op do you have any friends you can chat this through with ?

With that length of marriage your entitled to half of all assets and pensions and as sole person in charge of child rearing, you will likely get the house if admittedly you have to buy out his half. But that's the starting point other will be able to advise better on this aspect than me.

The courts will protect you here financially . Don't let him convince you otherwise. Make your choice based on fact and most lawyers do a 1hr free consult (even if you don't go through with it) it's nice to know where you stand if you chose to leave.

You really do deserve more

he texted three escorts.

Did he need to check what 3 different prostitutes do ... Even though the vast majority offer the same 2/3 basic sex acts, with maybe a "girlfriend experience" massage and glass of wine if he puts more.

What was the likelihood that any of the 3 would offer anything different?

He probably messaged 3 because he didn't get a (fast enough) response from the first one or two.

Then he was worried one or more of them might get back to him while he was back in you and the kids company so blocked their numbers.

Most escort sites hide the transaction reference under something that sounds innocent

From reading reviews, most require cash.

It is handed over at the beginning of the "punt", the prostitute usually leaves briefly and hands the cash to a pump/helper/another prostitute to keep safe. That prevents issues with punters deciding to "claim back" cash during or after the session.

It also means, excepting fake notes, that there are no issues with charge backs, non clearances of money etc. And also means the prostitutes and pimps are not going through the books, paying tax on everything etc.

It would be more likely to be cash, taken out in a sum or in smaller sums if the man is careful/canny.

*if he pays more.

@LemonDrop22 no I definitely don't blame porn - but I think the ease of a click is not a great thing .

Whenever men are caught, they say either

1. that they thought they were booking an ordinary massage
2. that it was a one off
3. that it will never happen again.

No way on this earth has any man ever gone onto an escort site and come away thinking he was booking an ordinary massage.

As for it being a one-off, I would bet that in 99% of cases it wasn't the first time (after all, what are the chances that the one and only time he messages an escort you catch him?).

And you could never ever trust a man not to do it again. It's like men who view indecent images of children, or groom underage girls , or have a drink/drug addiction...you just can't trust them. In the vast majority of cases, it's simply a question of when they do again, not if.

Sadly I do know of a site that allows the user to buy "credits" via debit card (since I don't visit these sites.. I can't speak to all) 🤮🤮 it's grim regardless.

Thank you everyone. Im in such a bad way. He has been texting me. He insists he only text and did nothing else. He apologised when asked but he's basically saying,fuck of,leave me alone. He thinks it's for the best if he takes a job abroad as he can't pay for two homes if he works here. My head is spinning. Last week we were on holidays together, in the final stages of remortgaging to build an extension, talking about Christmas plans and now he wants to move abroad. Wtf type of head melt is this. I've nobody to turn to.

See a solicitor asap.

Solicitor. You can ponder later, he thinks women are commodities to buy and coerce sex out of-he’s vile. With you being dependent on him you need urgent legal advice

I'd advise to make sure your own salary is being paid into a non-joint account. And get snapshots of current state of any joint accounts and investments.

Because at the end of the day when this all spirals downhill it will come down to sorting out money, OP.

Contact a solicitor. Good luck!

not good.

he sounds like he needs help. can he see someone

She has no salary, if you read her posts.

What ‘help’ do you think he needs to not coerce sex out of women? Don’t think there’s any little courses he can do to stop him being scum.

Exactly this; the "only wanted to see what they did" may be standard, but this approach is rather more off the wall and suggests that further discussion would be hopeless even if it had been worth trying

As for why he'd block them, obviously I can't speak for other cases, but with mine it was because one of them was blackmailing him

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you have a friend or family who is helping you and the kids.
Please see a solicitor ASAP. You need to get maintenance sorted quick.
His texting, his stonewalling, his thoughts on going to work abroad, he's not trying to make the amends, I think he's just to cowardly to say he wants out.

He insists he only text and did nothing else. He apologised when asked but he's basically saying,fuck of,leave me alone.

Then he's a liar (because he definitely did more than text) and he's a twat (because an apology is meaningless if he's lying and treating you so badly). Agree with PPs that you need a solicitor and support IRL to leave him.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I agree with the PPS, please get some legal advice.

My husband is a dickhead too. He got a monzo card and paid them bank transfer through that as its instant. Most girls want bank transfer. 100% check his bank statements and see where he has been spending money. They are cheap by the way, you are looking for transactions between £40 and £200 in the main.

The texts basically say "are you free". He might not have met anyone but i would say his intention was to and sooner or later they carry through on that intention.

You are not alone. Loads of husbands are doing this. Its just the wives don't always know.

I somehow missed that.

This is a genius plan OP.

The more people that witness your illegal & attention-seeking behaviour, the better. The whole office will probably stand up & applaud you, & your H won't be able to use the incident to DARVO you that your batshit behaviour drove him into the arms of an escort ...

Deep breaths OP.
It all feels overwhelming right now, but there is really only 1 item that has real urgency - the remortgage.
Are you able to arrest the application & withdraw without penalty?

That would give you breathing space to assess whether the extension is worth doing now. The fact that he is threatening to move abroad is double-edged. If you want to divorce over this, it's positive, as he may be considering leaving you & DC in the marital home, given his remark about affording 2 homes.

You have PP to turn to here, & you must make finding a great divorce lawyer a priority. Get copies of all financial into like salary, pension, shares, savings, mortgage & any other assets. When you have a lawyer, store them & yours & the DC passports, at their office.

These first 2 steps put you back into a little more control, because knowledge is power. When your solicitor is able to review the asset spread, she can give you an indication of what your share could be. That, with CMS & possibly single parent benefits, could be enough to secure your freedom. But some big decisions need to be made, so keep posting here for support.

For FUCKSAKE.

Help?
See who, @oiltrader - an escort?

Lonely?!!! pathetic excuse. I am so sorry but I do not think you can come back from this no matter what he says. It must be devastating for you after 20 years.

He is ignoring you because he knows he has completely destroyed your relationship>

Omg what is he talking about. I think even he knows there is no coming back. You can speak to people here.