Husband texted escorts

[Cantbelieveit12]

I was on holiday with our children and he texted three escorts. He said he didn't meet them. I'm devastated. He's in work now and refusing to talk to me.

If he even deigns to offer further excuses, I think he'll hit cheater/punter bingo no 1 with "wasn't getting enough sex, exciting enough sex" etc etc.

A favourite because "enough" or "exciting enough" is very subjective and cannot be objectively quantified. Also a beaut for throwing responsibility back on the victim, getting them on the defensive, making them justify themselves; there'll always be wiggle room for making out a busy mum of several kids (or even one) is not a 24 7 attentive sex kitten.

But this guy is such an arrogant *unt that he's not even grasped at that yet. Too busy coercing his wife with unsupported single mother hood.

I'm so so so bloody sorry love. I think we are all raging on your behalf.

He's trying to back you into a make this work and believe me or I walk. A councilling doesn't mean you have to say I'm gonna forgive him or you should believe his version of events.

Counselling will help you process how your feeling and if there's a way to forgive this and right now making hard and fast decisions isn't what you need. You need space and time.

He's trying to back you into a make this work and believe me or I walk. A councilling doesn't mean you have to say I'm gonna forgive him or you should believe his version of events.

Counselling will help you process how your feeling and if there's a way to forgive this and right now making hard and fast decisions isn't what you need. You need space and time.

Couples counselling should never be entered into when one of the couple is abusive.
And the amount of coercion, manipulation & stonewalling this man has displayed over this single episode is clear evid3nce of his abusiveness.

OP - do NOT go into counselling with him. Any expert therapist would strongly recommend against it.

I completely agree, in a case like this it makes matters worse. Or what men stay when they know what they’ve done is a deal breaker.

I don’t believe he was asking them what they do. It’s pretty obvious what they do also they tell you on their profile. Some might do 3somes etc

In addition to it being a reflection of his character and attitude towards yourself & the relationship, op .... It is possible his stone walling of you was time buying ...

He was caught on the back foot, he wasn't prepared, he didn't have a story ready, or many excuses, he also needed time to go through all his communications (and possibly even accounts) and check what you might be able to find. He needed to know where he stood in terms of exposure etc.

(He may also have been checking out legal and financial things, since he's bound to realise many a woman would end a relationship over this, sooner or later).

As another poster commented, it seems unusual to get caught the very first time (or 3 times in one in one incident to be accurate) you do something..... So it's not beyond credibility that he was stone walling you to check everything that could be found and trip him up and get rid of it.

He needed time and space to father a defence and a strategy, he may also have been covering his tracks.

He doesn't believe that the OP will end the marriage, and he's throwing in the threat of 'living abroad' to make her panic and ask him to stay.
Don't feel rushed into a decision, OP, there's a lot of thinking you have to do and you can take as long as you like. Can he move back to his parents for a while, while you get your head around what's happened? It doesn't feel like it right now, but you do have choices.

So he wants to explore sex workers abroad? 🤮he can fuck off wherever he wants but it’s the parent who fucks off that has to do all the travelling to parent the kids they made. So he plans to force you to parent his kids for him? Worthless man.

He thinks it's for the best if he takes a job abroad as he can't pay for two homes if he works here.

What a manipulative piece of shit he is. Thinly veiled ultimatums of "if you don't forgive me for cheating with sex workers I'll fuck off abroad and leave you to cope with 3 kids on your own" don't exactly scream remorse!
Like PP I don't believe for one second that a man who isn't cheating or at the very least intending to cheat needs to text three different sex workers to "see what they do"...we all know what they do FFS! I hope you have family or good friends you can confide in IRL, OP as I'm sorry to say I suspect more lies are going to come out and a support network who have some idea what's going on will help get you through.

Tell him to fuck off abroad then

I wouldn't be too quick to do that, as depending on where he goes it may not be that easy to get child maintenance out of him

Something he may well have thought about when suggesting it ...

Op I just want to wish you luck and send a virtual hug and strength.
Silly stupid man. Don't fall for the shit when you've calmed down and he wants to talk.
He's probably going to come up with all sorts of excuses but there are none. You'd never trust him again.

OP I fee for you. So much.
That said

Think about this, he was messaging prostitutes - "let's drop the niceties. He isn't a business man in the 50's who needed an escort to a business black tie event.

He's a sleazy creep who has most likely put your physical health in danger many times by sleeping with prostitutes.
Maybe he has maybe he hasn't but you'll
Never know.

Think about that - he prioritised his cock over
A) your family
And B was willing to use some of the most vulnerable women in society to get his rocks off.

Vomit inducing. Please please pleAse leave the bastard.
Lawyer up.

Don't be so fucking dense 🤦‍♀️
First off it's called a timeline and evidence is required, so no evidence of crazy pre prostitutes.
Secondly, even if that wasn't the case 'her batshittery drove me in to the arms of prostitutes' isn't going to stand up.

I’m hearing about this happening more and more. I had a guy on dating site, he eventually admitted he had wife. Luckily never met up. He would turn his profile off and any opportunity be swiping women. He would get them on wattsapp ASAP because you can’t send messages on the app then he would hide the women in his archive. He actually told me all of this then sent me a video of him w*nking. Sick freak!

This. And agree with all the other pp. It wasn’t to “find out what they do”, highly unlikely to be the first time, strongly doubt nothing has happened irl & he’s been busted and now inciting emotional blackmail to stay in charge of the narrative (& keep you in your place).

Either that or he’s reflected on what he’s done &/or how much more there is for you to discover and is throwing in the towel.

Either way is not appealing- he’s either a coercive, manipulative bully of a punter, or a feeble-spirited, weak minded punter who immediately abandons his family runs abroad instead of trying to make amends or even apologise without being asked (not that amends can be made nor that an apology would work, but lack of either shows that he isn’t actually remorseful or care about the impact on you, only himself).

Stay strong op I’m sorry you’re going through this 🍷

Can’t send pics I mean

Thank you everyone. He came home and still minimising everything. Saying he's sorry but if I challenge him starts attacking me. I also found a picture on his phone he had taken on holiday. It was in the bathroom after his shower and he just had his towel wrapped around his bottom half. He said he took it to see if he lost weight! I'm totally drained. I asked him to meet me today to talk but he couldn't because he didn't want to lose his job. His family yes but not his job.

Oh dear, he is sexting someone as well as looking for prostitutes. He simply can’t minimise it. You have seen it with your own eyes. He is totally checked out of your relationship and I’m sorry to say that. For your own self esteem take drastic action his behaviour is going to mentally destroy you and you have 3 children. Let him piss off abroad. Maybe recommend Thailand then he can live out his sleazy life on the daily.

@Sunnyqueen, that is exactly what I did when I found out my now ex was having affair. Got locks changed, bagged up his stuff, got my bil around for protection and text him to come and pick his stuff up. I left it in back garden. He took it whilst swearing at me but bil told him to move on and not to bother me. Bil is huge. Get a sexual health check up and get ducks in a row and divorce. I did and got 60 percent of house, half of savings and pension shared which meant I got about a third of my ex's pension too.

When you go food shopping always get cash back and stash it for a solicitor. Take out some money from joint account so at least he can't empty the account. Take photos of his pension statements, bank statements, any ISA's, investments.

Messaged but never met up?

That's a lie.

Tell your H it's fine that he isn't speaking to you because you're going to be talking to a solicitor and communication with him on this issue will soon be irrelevant.

Make an appointment with a solicitor. Take half of the joint account and open an account of your own.

Just don't believe another word coming out of his mouth. He is a liar and cheat and has no respect for you or DC.

also found a picture on his phone he had taken on holiday. It was in the bathroom after his shower and he just had his towel wrapped around his bottom half. He said he took it to see if he lost weight!

Sounds like the sort of selfie to put on dating/hookup/swinging/sex sites or send to women on them.

Scales ,and looking at themselves, and how their clothes fit; is the usual way people assess weight loss.

YYY

Look back over statements in your joint bank account for transactions / vendors you can't account for. Try to figure out if there are transactions posted for times he was out of town or when you and the DCs were away from the family home.

Vendor names to do with golf or other sports or hobbies, etc, are often used to cover services of prostitutes.

Also look for ATM cash withdrawals.

We don't have a joint account. I have no access to his bank account. To be honest he is never away from our home. He gets the bus to work and I collect him everyday. He doesn't go out with friends or away with work. I'm not naive but I literally know where he his all the time.

And a hairy chest pic?

He's playing away and has been doing so for quite a while, and has been caught. He's not going to address the devastation he has caused because that would be too much for his ego to handle. He's just going to threaten you and the children with abandonment. Then he'll turn around and accuse you of breaking up the family because you were the one who wouldn't go to therapy. He'll turn this around on you no matter what you decide to do, either using the therapy refusal or accusing you of being frigid and frumpy and boring. He won't accept responsibility for his betrayal.

Hate to say this but you need to get STD tested asap.