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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feels like friend is holding me to ransom !

173 replies

Pigsinmud99 · 04/09/2022 10:17

NC

I'm away with 3 friends. We're coming home today. 1 Friend doesn't want to leave until much later in the day. This is because she has no one to go home to, her husband isn't due home until 10pm. I want to be home mid afternoon so I can spend time with my DD as I've been away thurs- today (Sunday) but friend is purposely wanting to/suggesting making plans for today, so we get home tonight. Selfish ?

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 04/09/2022 10:18

You're a grown up. You can say no.

wednesday32 · 04/09/2022 10:18

When you booked this trip away what was the planned time you would be leaving?
can you not leave when you want to then your other friend leaves later?

Mrsuntidy · 04/09/2022 10:18

Is your DD at school? If so then say you want to see her before school starts tomorrow.

Motnight · 04/09/2022 10:19

Are you relying on her for a lift?

Shoxfordian · 04/09/2022 10:19

Are you travelling together?

Original poster
Pigsinmud99 · 04/09/2022 10:20

We're all travelling together, we've got a 3.5 hour drive home

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 04/09/2022 10:21

What time did you plan on leaving? When you booked the trip were you clear that you had to leave early on the Sunday because of the children? Can't you just leave anyway?

KylieCharlene · 04/09/2022 10:21

Yes, she's selfish and it's not like she's lonely as she has a husband who will be home tonight!.
Don't pander to her- your DD comes first.

TrueNorthernBird · 04/09/2022 10:21

Split the difference.

Hotandbothereds · 04/09/2022 10:22

Who is driving? Didn’t you discuss what time you’d leave on the last day at the time of booking the trip?

I can see both viewpoints tbh, but this should’ve been agreed beforehand, did your friend know you wanted to set off earlier?

PrinceOfPegging · 04/09/2022 10:22

Surely you wanting to go home early is as selfish as her wanting to go home late?

StopFeckingFaffing · 04/09/2022 10:23

Surely you must have discussed a vague plan for what time you were planning to leave?

Unable to comment on whether either of you is being unreasonable without knowing what was agreed

GoneWithTheWine1 · 04/09/2022 10:23

Just say you want to get home to your daughter so no. You're allowed to say no.

Sunnyqueen · 04/09/2022 10:24

Are either of you the ones that are the driving? Think you will just have to put your foot down.

morbidd · 04/09/2022 10:24

If you're the one driving then yes put your foot down!

Hotandbothereds · 04/09/2022 10:25

KylieCharlene · 04/09/2022 10:21

Yes, she's selfish and it's not like she's lonely as she has a husband who will be home tonight!.
Don't pander to her- your DD comes first.

Depends if this has just been sprung on friend 1 or if it was known all along, if the OP hasn’t been clear from the start what time she wanted to leave then it’s understandable that others would want to make the most of the last day of their trip.

DenholmElliot1 · 04/09/2022 10:27

Op I think the problem might lie with your poor communication skills. Both on here and with your friends.

I'll ask again. What time did you plan on leaving and what is stopping you leaving anyway?

PuppyMonkey · 04/09/2022 10:29

Up to the driver.

TeaMeBasil · 04/09/2022 10:29

To all those asking about who is driving, what if Op's 10pm friend is the driver?

Would that mean she gets to 'put her foot down' and Op has no choice but to stay??

I'm not sure being the driver on a group trip makes you the boss....

TeaMeBasil · 04/09/2022 10:30

Agree that a leaving time should have been agreed when arranging the trip

TidyDancer · 04/09/2022 10:31

Yeah the original arrangement and who the driver is makes a difference here.

Is there a reason the later friend can't be alone in the house? I'd have a bit more sympathy if this was an anxiety issue than just a preference.

GrandSlamFinalee · 04/09/2022 10:32

What was the plan before you went on the trip?

Who is driving?

Can you not get public transport back home?

Shinyandnew1 · 04/09/2022 10:33

Who is driving?
What was the original plan for leaving?
What do the others say?

2bazookas · 04/09/2022 10:44

You're both grown up. I hope.

trampolina · 04/09/2022 10:46

Who is driving?
lack of planning is the issue here.
If your friend is driving, think it’s cheeky of you to expect her to cut her day short to rush back.