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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feels like friend is holding me to ransom !

173 replies

Pigsinmud99 · 04/09/2022 10:17

NC

I'm away with 3 friends. We're coming home today. 1 Friend doesn't want to leave until much later in the day. This is because she has no one to go home to, her husband isn't due home until 10pm. I want to be home mid afternoon so I can spend time with my DD as I've been away thurs- today (Sunday) but friend is purposely wanting to/suggesting making plans for today, so we get home tonight. Selfish ?

OP posts:
Everyflippingusernameistaken · 05/09/2022 18:50

Did we actually find out all the details about this? Who was driving and what was agreed before the trip? All in one car?

JessesMum777888 · 05/09/2022 19:07

Bytrgrewd · 04/09/2022 16:45

Judging by the lack
of update the OP really has been kidnapped

This really made me laugh

Silvers11 · 05/09/2022 19:09

So there were 4 of you on this trip? What did the other two think? At the moment we only have the views of two of you - you and the person who didn't want to leave early. Different opinions doesn't mean either of you are selfish, but this should have been discussed before you ever went away - and two cars taken if necessary

In what way was she 'holding you to ransom' exactly? Was she the Driver? Did your other friends also want to stay longer or was it only her who wanted to stay later. A compromise of leaving late afternoon might have been the way to go

But I suspect you didn't like the answers here, which is why you haven't come back to tell us the outcome or answered some of the questions folk have asked you

Tiani4 · 05/09/2022 19:33

Whose driving ?
If she's driving ? If she isn, then hope you want home with the other girls! If you're driving hope you set off when you wanted to

5128gap · 05/09/2022 20:28

KylieCharlene · 04/09/2022 10:21

Yes, she's selfish and it's not like she's lonely as she has a husband who will be home tonight!.
Don't pander to her- your DD comes first.

OPs DD only comes first to OP. No reason she should come first to the other three women.

RustySwitchblade · 05/09/2022 20:37

She could easily accuse you of being selfish. Maybe this is a rare break for her?

you both have valid reasons for wanting to stay later/leave early. Why didn’t you just discuss it beforehand?

Grrrrdarling · 05/09/2022 20:43

Pigsinmud99 · 04/09/2022 10:20

We're all travelling together, we've got a 3.5 hour drive home

My rule is that basically whoever is driving makes the rules. They are transport & the plan of the holiday was set before we came. It is not like you are single & can just do as you please now!
If anyone wants to go off plan that is fine BUT car leaves at X time from X place be there or find another way home.
If driver is the one wanting to stay later, they know why you all agreed the time
to go home & this was not the plan then they are out of order. I would request half the contribution you made to travel costs is reimbursed, find another way home & never go away with them again.

ThinWomansBrain · 05/09/2022 21:30

there a 4 of you - what do the other two want to do?

Original poster
Pigsinmud99 · 05/09/2022 23:38

No plans were agreed beforehand about the time we would leave. I know my friend, and the fact she likes to squeeze every last second out of any outting, so I should have confirmed timings first just to be clear/manage expectations.
Another lady was the the driver. Friend in question just kept repeating 'we'll be home around 10pm'. We left at around 4pm. Other 2 friends didn't voice an opinion as such but I know one of them was hoping to be home by late afternoon to see her DS.
I realise now that I was all also being selfish by wanting to go home early BUT my friend has previous form for making things last as long as possible. She did kidnap me as such once before

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 05/09/2022 23:52

Grrrrdarling · 05/09/2022 20:43

My rule is that basically whoever is driving makes the rules. They are transport & the plan of the holiday was set before we came. It is not like you are single & can just do as you please now!
If anyone wants to go off plan that is fine BUT car leaves at X time from X place be there or find another way home.
If driver is the one wanting to stay later, they know why you all agreed the time
to go home & this was not the plan then they are out of order. I would request half the contribution you made to travel costs is reimbursed, find another way home & never go away with them again.

Show quote history

This!

You both have a reason to want/not want to be at home earlier in the day but that makes you both selfish. Why do your needs trump your friends?

If time to go home was that important it should have been agreed before your trip. But agree that the person who should decide if there is no group consensus is the driver. Don’t like their plans, make your own way home

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/09/2022 23:54

She did kidnap me as such once before

Oh don't be such a drama queen. You're a grown adult and can make your own plans about when you want to go home to see your own children.

FantasylandEnthusiast · 05/09/2022 23:56

You weren't kidnapped, get a grip ffs

Shoemadlady · 06/09/2022 08:07

You're grown up enough to have a weekend away, you should be adult enough to explain why you want to go home. If everyone else is adamant Bette staying till late get the train home. She's being a bit selfish but you're also being a bit childish. Just tell her how you feel and why you want to go home. If she's any kind of real friend she'll understand surely

Whataretheodds · 06/09/2022 08:12

You're being ridiculous.

You absolutely should have initiated a conversation about timings given previous experience and because you weren't driving!

As it is, she obviously didn't hold you prisoner because you left at 4pm.

Lalliella · 06/09/2022 09:48

You’re being ridiculous and a drama queen. If you go away for a weekend of course you’d want to get your money’s worth and make the most of your last day. If you didn't want to stay you should’ve made your own way home. Nobody kidnapped anybody. But I don’t understand why this wasn’t discussed before going.

GeekyThings · 06/09/2022 11:19

Pigsinmud99 · 05/09/2022 23:38

No plans were agreed beforehand about the time we would leave. I know my friend, and the fact she likes to squeeze every last second out of any outting, so I should have confirmed timings first just to be clear/manage expectations.
Another lady was the the driver. Friend in question just kept repeating 'we'll be home around 10pm'. We left at around 4pm. Other 2 friends didn't voice an opinion as such but I know one of them was hoping to be home by late afternoon to see her DS.
I realise now that I was all also being selfish by wanting to go home early BUT my friend has previous form for making things last as long as possible. She did kidnap me as such once before

I have less sympathy for you with this - your friend can't 'kidnap' you, you make the choice to speak up and say no, or not. So in this instance the driver didn't care, one passenger wanted to stay late, and two passengers wanted to leave early - so you had the majority numbers, but it's at that point the two who wanted to leave early should have stepped up and said 'we both want to leave early' and stood your ground.

The wet lettuce approach when you're up against someone who dictates doesn't work, you have to counter dictate, or that's really your fault.

But as you've said, you know better now to confirm timings before you go next time.

Testina · 06/09/2022 11:57

Don’t talk such ridiculous nonsense. She did not kidnap you before.

So you didn’t bother to agree a leaving time, even though you knew she would - quite reasonably - like to make the most out of it - and then you complain 🤷🏻‍♀️

diddl · 06/09/2022 12:24

So you didn’t bother to agree a leaving time, even though you knew she would - quite reasonably - like to make the most out of it -

It's almost as if this could have been foreseen!

FlissyPaps · 06/09/2022 12:45

OP, for your next trip make your own travel arrangements if this is how you carry off.

If your friend has “kidnapped” you previously why did you make plans to go away with her again?

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/09/2022 12:52

Maybe it’s so she can pretend she hates being away and would much rather be home with the kids but really she’s loving it and can just blame her mate for being back later
is that right op? @Pigsinmud99

Learnsometjingeveryday · 06/09/2022 19:43

Do you have to check out at a certain time ?a 3.5 hour drive would make me want to either leave a little earlier or later due to possible traffic ,i wouldnt want to come back too late after a 3.5 hour drive , but check out time would help with swaying to leaving earlier , with children going back to school right now i wohld want to be seeing the kids before theybwent to bed or you risk them wanting to stay up to see you get home and then being tired for school , Either way you need to all speak and find a middle ground but personally i would leave earlier to leave time for any issues as i wouldnt want to btuck on road late at night in a car where people are tired ,annoyed etc x

TooHotToTangoToo · 06/09/2022 19:56

Can't you just ask to be dropped off first so you can get home to see your dc.

RampantIvy · 06/09/2022 22:39

Today is Tuesday. The OP posted on Sunday, so why are posters still giving her advice? She has been home for two days now.

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