Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feels like friend is holding me to ransom !

173 replies

Pigsinmud99 · 04/09/2022 10:17

NC

I'm away with 3 friends. We're coming home today. 1 Friend doesn't want to leave until much later in the day. This is because she has no one to go home to, her husband isn't due home until 10pm. I want to be home mid afternoon so I can spend time with my DD as I've been away thurs- today (Sunday) but friend is purposely wanting to/suggesting making plans for today, so we get home tonight. Selfish ?

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 04/09/2022 10:49

What are the plans.. check out time is usually morning anyway.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 04/09/2022 10:50

I can understand someone wanting to make the most of a weekend away and stay til late (regardless of husband being home or not).
I can also understand why you want to have time with your daughter.
What do the other two think?
These really are things that need to be discussed before the weekend.

diddl · 04/09/2022 10:52

What do the other 2 want to do?

I can't really see that she is selfish for wanting to make the most of today & not go straight home.

But as others have said-what was the original plan?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/09/2022 10:52

You both want different things which are both equally valid. She wants to get the most out of a weekend away by doing stuff on the Sunday, you are ready to go home now. Next time discuss plans before booking but I wouldn't say she is holding you to random.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/09/2022 10:52

Ransom even.

Sswhinesthebest · 04/09/2022 10:54

I think the basic assumption is you make the most of a weekend away. It was up to you to make it clear before you went that you wanted to get home earlier.

Now you should split the difference and one of you go home later than you want, and and the other earlier. Or you hand the decision over to friend 3.

Designerenvy · 04/09/2022 10:55

I don’t think she’s being selfish. Maybe she hasn’t had time away in a a while and wants to make the most of it?
Did ye have a good weekend together ?
Who’s driving ? Driver has last say I’m afraid.
Did ye not,at any stage, discuss departure time? If ye did and agreed on a time, then ye stick to this.
If you really want to get home, can you get another form of transport and go independently?

Quincythequince · 04/09/2022 10:57

KylieCharlene · 04/09/2022 10:21

Yes, she's selfish and it's not like she's lonely as she has a husband who will be home tonight!.
Don't pander to her- your DD comes first.

Why is she selfish?

Having kids doesn’t mean you get to dictate plans all the time.

OP, If you didn’t agree in advance, you need to agree something now and maybe you can leave a bit later than you want, but earlier than she wants.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 04/09/2022 10:57

The only thing that matters is who is driving.

If she is driving then your selfish.
If you are driving then there's no problem
You tell her the car will be leaving at X time with or without her.

If person 3 is driving then they make the decision.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 04/09/2022 10:58

you do noramlly have to leave accommodation by a certain time

MolkosTeenageAngst · 04/09/2022 10:58

Who is driving and what was the original plan? It’s no more selfish for her to try and persuade everybody to stay late than it is for you to try and persuade everybody to leave early. Surely there is some kind of compromise? Or otherwise ultimately it’s up to whoever is driving.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 04/09/2022 10:58

rock scissors stone!

Theendofnature · 04/09/2022 10:59

More details OP .

Agree if you go away for a weekend then you should make the most of it, hate when one person wants to get back early, they should have gone separately.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 04/09/2022 11:01

I don't think anyone is unreasonable, you just want different things out of the trip you presumed both paid to enjoy. What did the other 2 want to do? Who is the driver? Was there no chat about what time you would all leave when you were planning this trip?

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 04/09/2022 11:03

You say you're away with 3 friends, what are the others doing? In this situation you need to speak up and say no to all plans if you want to leave earlier.

mrsm43s · 04/09/2022 11:06

Your desire to leave early is no less selfish that her wish to stay late.

If you wanted to cut the last day of the holiday short, you should have made your own plans for getting home, rather than expecting everyone else to cut their last day short to accommodate you..

Ultimately expectations should have been managed in advance, but the majority decision rules today. It it's a 2:2 split, then the driver gets the deciding vote.

Yerroblemom1923 · 04/09/2022 11:07

I'm guessing the friend is the driver hence OP feels she's being held against her will. The day's half way over now anyway so not much point doing anything now. Did you stay or did you go, OP?

pictish · 04/09/2022 11:10

Cheerfully make your preference known then. Yanbu so it’s fine.

mondaytosunday · 04/09/2022 11:13

If you have children (even if not) it's perfectly reasonable to expect to get home before dinner time, as most will have work or school or whatever the next day and will want to do laundry get sorted etc. but this should have been agreed in advance.

JerryGarcia · 04/09/2022 11:13

Can she come have dinner at yours before she goes home?

Infinsplititive · 04/09/2022 11:14

Surely you wanting to go home early is as selfish as her wanting to go home late?

This, I’m afraid OP. Certainly without any further context about what might have been discussed before you went away.

Did you not agree plans before you left? What do your other friends think?

If the friend who wants to stay later us the driver, there’s not much you can do about it unless you want to get a train home. Next time, offer to be the driver!

MrsLargeEmbodied · 04/09/2022 11:17

there should be a compromise
no body sounds particularly selfish

Els1e · 04/09/2022 11:17

What about a compromise. Go to lunch, visit a market or something. But go to somewhere on the way home.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 04/09/2022 11:18

You really should have discussed what time you'd be leaving before today. I'd be annoyed that a weekend away was being cut short if it hadn't been agreed before.

kitchenplans · 04/09/2022 11:29

mondaytosunday · 04/09/2022 11:13

If you have children (even if not) it's perfectly reasonable to expect to get home before dinner time, as most will have work or school or whatever the next day and will want to do laundry get sorted etc. but this should have been agreed in advance.

Well, if you have children and want to get home before dinner time, then you make your own travel arrangements to make sure that you can get yourself home at the time you prefer.

Many people, with children or without, are happy to stay out later than dinner time!

It's a preference, just that. It's unreasonable to expect to dictate everyone's timings based on just your preferences. If you have specific, rigid preferences, then you need to make sure that you make your own arrangements that accommodate them without inconveniencing the rest of the group.