Feels like friend is holding me to ransom !

[Pigsinmud99]

NC

I'm away with 3 friends. We're coming home today. 1 Friend doesn't want to leave until much later in the day. This is because she has no one to go home to, her husband isn't due home until 10pm. I want to be home mid afternoon so I can spend time with my DD as I've been away thurs- today (Sunday) but friend is purposely wanting to/suggesting making plans for today, so we get home tonight. Selfish ?

I think your friend is being selfish for two reasons: 1, Your reasoning for leaving early involves a child as well as you, whereas hers is just about her, so that's two against one; and 2, whatever the reason, if I was away with a mate and they had to get back home I wouldn't say "but, but, my feelings!" - I would say ok and leave at the time that suits them because the person not working to a schedule doesn't require the same consideration on a shared drive.

And seriously, what is she, a baby? She doesn't want to be at home without her husband? Doesn't understand that people have obligations, and if she wants to stay she needs to make other arrangements, like any normal person would do? She's being hard work, just tell her what time you need to leave and then go.

Wouldn't you have discussed it beforehand if you expected everyone to leave so early on the last day? I'd never plan to cut short my precious holiday time and budget to accommodate such requests - whether its a friend wanting to get home early to cook tea for an unhelpful husband or give tablets to an elderly pet. OP - I'm sure you'll choose your holiday companions carefully next time and with full timings agreed. It's not an emergency, it's poor communication. In a work situation, having spent a fortune on childcare and holiday clubs to ensure I could work professionally without any lapses in my childcare arrangements inconveniencing anyone, I am always disappointed when friends or colleagues quote the "my child comes first" - of course they do, to you, but along with that goes planning appropriate childcare and not asking others to compromise their free time abs lose out when you think you should go home early .

You are unreasonable for not having this conversation before you left. I have kids and would probably also like to get back on a Sunday but I would ask everyone else what their plans were and ultimately I would drive myself separately if their plans differed to mine.

I think your friend is being selfish for two reasons: 1, Your reasoning for leaving early involves a child as well as you, whereas hers is just about her, so that's two against one;

Absolutely ridiculous comment.

If OP wanted to be back for a certain time to see her child then she should have made her own arrangements.

Guilt tripping someone because they don’t have kids is absolutely disgusting. It’s not two against one, how selfish!

Any parent who wants to see their kids at certain times should take responsibility and make their own travel arrangements.

If she is not driving then the driver should just agree to leave at a reasonable time. You all back them up and prepare to go.

She can either come along or stay and find her own way home

If she is the driver then sucks to be you guys. Never rely on her to drive in future.

Just say no as you need to get back.

What was the original plan?

Who is driving?

Why not compromise - if you want to leave at 12 and she wants to leave at 6 then leave at 3.

Then I'm with your friend. If you're away until today why not make the most of it and continue your activities today, then drive back later when the roads are quieter.

If you wanted to come home early it should have been agreed before the trip and 2 cars taken if you couldn't agree.

What does the 3rd person say?

Well, I suppose you could equally be seen as selfish; her for wanting to stay until tonight and you for wanting to go home very early. You're each depriving the other of what they want. A compromise would be to go home at 2ish I reckon?

"Ransom" sounds a little strong. What was the agreed upon plan when arranging the trip? If you're trying to cut it short, while she looked forwards to having all weekend, including Sunday, then I get why she's annoyed and trying to pursuade you to stick to the plan. If, on the other hand, you made it clear from the beginning that you'd like to get home early the last day to unwind and spend a little time with your family, then I think it's fair to stick with that. Can you compromise in any way? Do something together that she'd like, but something that doesn't take TOO much time - and be home in time to still hug your kid before bedtime, but maybe not in time to spend half the afternoon with them?

Just tell her you want to go home now. Because you're tired and it's a long drive.

The driver gets the casting vote.

Depends on who's driving back and who the car belongs to. If its your friends, then she has the final say. Perhaps negotiate so agree to leave at 7 instead of 10. Unless she's thinking it'll be easier to drive home in less traffic.

I understand your reasoning for wanting to get back. But also makes sense to make the most of it and still have today to explore. It really should have been discussed beforehand.

The selfishness is in the making of plans without consulting or compromising. Because there is a compromise to be made here. And she is being selfish if she's rail roading you.

Both of you have decent enough reasons for wanting to get home when you want to get home.

With my mates we would probably all go with the earliest need/want. Nothing worse than having someone there who isn't happy to be there. Changes the whole atmosphere.

But if you're likely to jave thir reaction... Surely you sort out BEFORE you go what time folk are wanting to leave.

Obvs is this is changed you all need to agree... And preferably not one person railroaded into staying/leaving.

And also barring an absolute emergency... As in child admitted to hospital...

Anyone who suddenly wanted to vary the arrangement... I may offer a lift to nearest station...

I've been caught out several times when younger of people suddenly wanting to stay /leave ajd then having to comply as there is no workable compromise. (at the time I couldn't afford to get home separately etc.)

Tbh the whole " this should have been sorted before " horse has bolted.

In this scenario it's blindingly obvious BUT it wasn't and hey ho the best laid plans etc...

You could be seen as the selfish one wanting to cut short the trip

You didn't plan when to leave so majority rules - if most want to stay then you either stay or get yourself home another way. I would miss my kids, but if I was away would also want to make the most of even the last day.

Agree....

You've been away - what? 3 days... Surely you can facetime your daughter for a convo if it's too late returning??

@Pigsinmud99

youve been away for 3 days op not 3 weeks

don’t spoil the girls trip

What a shame for no doubt a fairly rare weekend away to finish like this.

But that’s some groups of “friends” for you

Sure as heck not a weekend away with friends I have ever had end on anything other than lots of hugs, wishes we had more time, and promise to get together asap

If a friend expressing her preference and making suggestions to try to entice you all to agree is considered holding you to “ransom” I don’t think socializing is for you, really.

Is there more to this? Because it’s bizarre that you think your friend having a different opinion and not just acquiescing to your preference is her being selfish.

Why tge hell should a grown adult give a damn about someone else's kid on their holiday time?

And why doesn't the OP do exactly what you've advised and consider her friends feelings.

The reality is driver decides. And by OPs silence I am going to assume she is not the driver. Which makes her unreasonable