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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feels like friend is holding me to ransom !

173 replies

Pigsinmud99 · 04/09/2022 10:17

NC

I'm away with 3 friends. We're coming home today. 1 Friend doesn't want to leave until much later in the day. This is because she has no one to go home to, her husband isn't due home until 10pm. I want to be home mid afternoon so I can spend time with my DD as I've been away thurs- today (Sunday) but friend is purposely wanting to/suggesting making plans for today, so we get home tonight. Selfish ?

OP posts:
PortalooSunset · 04/09/2022 11:30

Is she driving? Is public transport an option for you? What do the others say?

MadMadMadamMim · 04/09/2022 11:31

It's the drivers choice.

But it should have been agreed before you went away. Then there is no argument or resentment.

Doingprettywellthanks · 04/09/2022 11:32

Close enough to go away together

but then…. This

baffling

as for what to do op - fake an illness coming on and get better friends

Doingprettywellthanks · 04/09/2022 11:32

What’s the other 2 preference?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/09/2022 11:32

If a grown woman is unable to spend a few hours on a Sunday afternoon by herself then she has issues! I love a bit of peace and quiet. My DP is playing cricket this afternoon so I get the TV remote and to put my feet up...

Who is driving home?

diddl · 04/09/2022 11:32

MrsLargeEmbodied · 04/09/2022 10:58

you do noramlly have to leave accommodation by a certain time

Obviously doesn't mean that you have to go straight home though.

Azandme · 04/09/2022 11:34

PrinceOfPegging · 04/09/2022 10:22

Surely you wanting to go home early is as selfish as her wanting to go home late?

This.

diddl · 04/09/2022 11:36

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/09/2022 11:32

If a grown woman is unable to spend a few hours on a Sunday afternoon by herself then she has issues! I love a bit of peace and quiet. My DP is playing cricket this afternoon so I get the TV remote and to put my feet up...

Who is driving home?

There's nothing to suggest that she is unable to-would just prefer not to!

diddl · 04/09/2022 11:38

So what time do you want to be home Op & what time does she?

If she wants to not be home until 10 for example that would be later than I would want irrespective of kids.

Whoactuallythinksthat · 04/09/2022 11:38

You both want different things. It happens. It’s not that deep, You’re both being selfish and a little childish if you can’t compromise.

RampantIvy · 04/09/2022 11:39

Surely you wanting to go home early is as selfish as her wanting to go home late?

Two sides of the same coin really.
Maybe the OP isn't replying because she is on her way home, and is driving?

Yerroblemom1923 · 04/09/2022 11:42

I thought late mate was driving.

FlissyPaps · 04/09/2022 11:42

It should have been arranged and agreed what time you would all be leaving/setting off.

If it was a “play it by ear” type of agreement then it’s really up to the driver when you all leave.

If the driver wants to leave earlier in the day they are entitled to do so and the others who want to stay can make their own arrangements later or use public transport.

If the driver wants to stay later they are entitled to do so and if the others want to leave earlier they can make their own arrangements.

But surely if you are all friends and adults you can have an adult conversation about this?

Holding you hostage seems very dramatic and far fetched.

Whataretheodds · 04/09/2022 11:43

Driver decides

Etinoxaurus · 04/09/2022 11:44

Who’s driving?

SettingsO · 04/09/2022 11:46

Go somewhere for lunch, then home?

MrsPerfect12 · 04/09/2022 11:47

Drives decides I'm afraid.

zingally · 04/09/2022 11:47

Not sure there's anything you can do about it now. This is down to poor communication between you and Other Friend.

If this was the other way round and OP was saying that "friend is trying to ruin the weekend away by leaving early, but I'm the driver and I don't want to!" I suspect we'd get a lot more responses saying "drivers privilege".

The price you pay, somewhat, for being a passenger and not the driver, is that when push comes to shove, the drivers desires trump the passengers.

This is why I almost always organise my own transport to things, so that I can leave when I'M done, and not have to wait around, getting more and more antsy.

raindon · 04/09/2022 11:50

If someone wants to leave in the morning it is pretty shitty to force them to stay longer. It must feel incredibly trapping to be stuck there. I'd probably end up bursting into tears if I'm honest as I hate feeling trapped.

honeylulu · 04/09/2022 11:50

If I'm reading it right there are 4 of you and you're all travelling together (I'm assuming by car as otherwise you'd be free to do your own thing). You want to be home mid afternoon, another friend by 10pm.

What do the other two want?
Who is driving?
I think the group needs to ho with a majority vote with the driver getting a casting vote if its split.

Or compromise on early evening getting home around 7/7.30? I think it's fair enough to make the most of the last day but 10pm seems a bit late if someone needs to sort uniform, packed lunches, their own work stuff for Monday. I catch a 6.15am train so I really need to be in bed before 10pm for example. rarely manage it though

Somethingneedstochange · 04/09/2022 11:50

With a train strike on? 😂😂😂Will take twice as long to travel home by bus.

raindon · 04/09/2022 11:51

Driver decide only applies if the driver wants to leave earlier than the others. No one is going to drive better after a long day of activities

Lindjam · 04/09/2022 11:51

The driver deciders when they will be leaving. The passengers either agree to leave at that time, or make their way home independently using public transport.

CrotchetyQuaver · 04/09/2022 11:52

I would suggest the 4 of you take a vote and go with the majority. With such a long drive ahead of you that might pick up extra delays en route, a mid afternoon departure after lunch would be the latest I'd want to be leaving. We had a 3 hour drive yesterday morning that ended up being an hour longer because we had to detour due to an accident.

FOJN · 04/09/2022 12:00

There isn't enough information to know who is being unreasonable.

If you discussed things before you left and agreed what time you were leaving today and now your friend is trying to move the goal posts then she is being unreasonable.

If you didn't discuss what time you would leave to get home before you left for the trip but assumed everyone would fall into line with your plans then you are being unreasonable.

If spending time with your daughter was that important you would have made sure you discussed today's arrangements before you left on the trip.

Your friend wants to make the most of the trip, there is nothing wrong with that.You want to get home earlier to spend time with your daughter, there is nothing wrong with that. Assuming that your wants will trump everyone else's because you have a child to get home to and your friend doesn't is what's wrong here.

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