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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feels like friend is holding me to ransom !

173 replies

Pigsinmud99 · 04/09/2022 10:17

NC

I'm away with 3 friends. We're coming home today. 1 Friend doesn't want to leave until much later in the day. This is because she has no one to go home to, her husband isn't due home until 10pm. I want to be home mid afternoon so I can spend time with my DD as I've been away thurs- today (Sunday) but friend is purposely wanting to/suggesting making plans for today, so we get home tonight. Selfish ?

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 04/09/2022 15:55

I jusr checked in wondering if the no update is because they are sat next to each other in the car on the way home or busy doing an activity ??

SleepingStandingUp · 04/09/2022 15:56

raindon · 04/09/2022 12:44

Yup. Why would you trap your friends somewhere

Show quote history

It's a bit over dramatic to describe yourself as TRAPPED because you want to leave at 6 am and they want to leave at 10. You can leave, you just won't get driven

fucap · 04/09/2022 15:58

I don't think she's selfish and I don't think she is holding you to ransom.
She probably wants to make the most of a long weekend and travel home later on so she can enjoy the whole of Sunday and probably thought you would want to do so too and that you had made appropriate arrangements regarding your child.
I don't like the snarky way you claim it's only because "she's got no one to go home to" because her husband is out until 10pm. Maybe it's because she's enjoying the weekend.
For me a long weekend would include spending most of Sunday at the destination (certainly until late afternoon) and then aiming to be home around 9 pm or so.
You obviously both had different expectations. No point in saying that you should have agreed this beforehand - you'll know that for future.

If you're driving, however, that's different as the driver's opinion should tip the balance - they know the route, they know how tired they are etc, whether they can drive well in the dark. You should still agree a compromise though.

mountainsunsets · 04/09/2022 16:02

Driver decides, IMO.

Mariposista · 04/09/2022 16:08

DoctorManhattan · 04/09/2022 12:01

One person’s wishes are as valid as the other, it doesn’t make them ‘selfish’.

Personally though, I’m of the opinion that if you’re away for a long weekend then make the most of it and enjoy the Sunday too. You have every other day in the year that you spend at home to talk to your kids. That’s just me though.

Agree. You live with your kids, you don’t live on holiday! Make the most of it!

Canthave2manycats · 04/09/2022 16:20

Mariposista · 04/09/2022 16:08

Agree. You live with your kids, you don’t live on holiday! Make the most of it!

Show quote history

Also agree - why wouldn't you want to make the most of (presumably) a rare break?

Your DD won't be scarred for life or anything if you get back later!!

PinkyFlamingo · 04/09/2022 16:37

Who's the driver?

suzanneinfo · 04/09/2022 16:37

Emm, mixed. I think they should have agreed times before today. Having said that I have had experience of someone 'agreeing' what was going to happen and then they just sat making cups of teas. Turned out we were always meeting someone else at a particular time. We were bored, starving, hangry before hangry was a thing. If the person had just been open and said we've had to put our plans back do you want to head off and do something and we will catch up later would have been fine But no, we were left watching daytime TV (that I hate). My point is that sometimes people have a weird control ideas- OP didn't say if there was an activity planned or if it was just hanging out. Hopefully they managed to meet in the middle.

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/09/2022 16:38

@Pigsinmud99

what makes u think she wants to leave later cos she’s “got no one to go home to” could it not just be that she’s enjoying her long weekend ?!

im sure u have weekends upon weekends with your kids

enjoy your time away don’t cut it short

Bytrgrewd · 04/09/2022 16:45

Judging by the lack
of update the OP really has been kidnapped

Peoniesandcream · 04/09/2022 16:53

I think she is being selfish to suddenly spring it on you all and if she can't handle a few hours alone in her own house she needs help. I'd be pissed off is someone stopped me spending time with my kids before bed time when I've been away on holiday from them.

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/09/2022 16:56

Peoniesandcream · 04/09/2022 16:53

I think she is being selfish to suddenly spring it on you all and if she can't handle a few hours alone in her own house she needs help. I'd be pissed off is someone stopped me spending time with my kids before bed time when I've been away on holiday from them.

@Peoniesandcream

not a holiday though

op been on a long weekend

Chickychoccyegg · 04/09/2022 17:11

Take it friend 1 is the driver, since you've dramatically said she's holding you to ransom.
Her wants are not any less valid than yours, although I'd say its usual to leave a trip like that after lunch, so I'd expect to leave around 2 or 3 pm, home for around dinner time.

Testina · 04/09/2022 17:24

Unless the leaving time was pre-planned, I’d be annoyed at a short break Thu-Sun being cut even shorter by some party pooper wanting to go home early on Sunday!

Scepticalwotsits · 04/09/2022 17:34

Op has gone awol which I guess means that the time was probably pre-agreed and she was the one pushing for an early end

BatteryPoweredMammy · 04/09/2022 17:37

Driver always gets deciding vote in my opinion unless there’s an emergency situation that affects one of the passengers.

fucap · 04/09/2022 17:46

Op has gone awol which I guess means that the time was probably pre-agreed and she was the one pushing for an early end

Yup. And the friend is probably the driver because the OP hasn't answered the question of who is driving.

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 04/09/2022 17:46

Get a train/bus
Why are your wants more important?
Or you could have communicated with each other plans for the journey times.

fatgirlslimmer · 04/09/2022 18:16

What is the majority consensus and what did you agree beforehand and who is the driver?

You are equally as selfish for wanting to go home early, your reason doesn't trump hers, especially if the other 2 are flexible.

DWMoosmum · 04/09/2022 18:29

This, my friend, is why I away drive myself anywhere! No conflicts then!

PortalooSunset · 04/09/2022 22:28

Are you home yet?!

mrsm43s · 05/09/2022 08:56

All these adults going on about being "trapped" do realise they could take responsibility for getting their own selves home, no?

CakeFiend8 · 05/09/2022 18:22

Perhaps you can compromise and leave halfway between the time you wanted to go, and the time your friend wanted to go. What does your other friend say?
It’s perfectly normal to have differences, it’s how you come to a mutually agreed outcome that matters

cherish123 · 05/09/2022 18:23

It's up to the driver. I can understand your wanting to see DD. 3 nights is a long time away from a child.

PeachyPeachTrees · 05/09/2022 18:29

Shame to cut a mini break even shorter. I would agree to not arriving home really late as it's tiring but it's selfish to want to leave really early.

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