To answer questions this way?

[Danceswithkids]

This is hard to explain but DH will ask me a question, and I give the information I have to hand that can be used to get to the answer but I don't work it out for him. This annoys him because 'Im not answering the question'. I feel I am! For context we have small kids and I am often already doing three things at once when the questions come in.

Examples
him - when do we need to leave to get to the party? me - it's a 40 minute drive and we need to get there at 10:30.
him - what time is the teddy bears picnic? me - it's on the calendar.
him - how many pieces of chicken is my share? me - I cooked 10 between 4 people.
him - do the children need sun hats? me - I checked the forecast earlier and it's going to be sunny all day.

Aibu to answer this way or would your partner answering like this annoy the crap out of you?

This

I'm also autistic. To answer your question the way that you do:

Some people think it's reasonable but a lot of people think it's really annoying and possibly passive aggressive.

Does that help?

No it doesn't! Just answer the question or say you haven't thought about it, and then you can let him work it out.

My DH sometimes answers like you do and I just look at him and say "ok" and then repeat my question because he didn't fucking answer it.

Just say "I haven't thought about it yet what do you think", or "I haven't thought yet, I'll have to come back to that". Or whatever.

But stop being so annoyingly passive aggressive. Honestly it's just hard work when someone answers like this.

YABVVVU

Massively unpopular opinion but I can totally see why you do this. Because if he's asking what time do we need to leave, and you've not already thought about it, then you'd have to stand there silently while working it out before answering.

Why don't you try thinking out loud, like you have been doing, but then also just give the answer at the end. So "there's 10 pieces of chicken between 4, so you can have 2 and then more if the kids don't want them"

I would be completely happy with all these answers, they tell me everything I need to know.

This is exactly my thoughts. I’m not the family brain, if I’ve told you at least twice don’t expect anything other than “not sure, what do you think?’

Same goes for “lost” items. Put your keys and wallet and phone in the same damned place and then we don’t have to spend half an hour looking and be late!

That would do my head in. I want answers not more questions

1. I would answer 'I think we should leave at 9.50 as it's a 40min drive and party starts at 10.30. - answer and reason why.

1. I cant remember, would you check calendar please.

1. Take 2 and see what everyone eats.

1. Yes, it's goingto be sunny

Your making everything harder

All of this would do my tree in.

Why am I the one thinking about sun hats and chicken maths? Use your bloody own brain!

Why can you not give me a simple answer?

Both of you need to rethink things is my view.

When you ask him a question, how does he answer it?

(I'm not sure why so many posters have assumed that he's the one who asks all the questions in the family and that OP is doing all the thinking. OP hasn't said anything that implies that)

Again, you've both made a massive assumption there. In most couples both parties occasionally ask the other a question.

There nothing in the OP's posts as I wrote this that implies what you've assumed.

Weirdly, my DH who is autistic will ask me really roundabout questions then get cross when I answer at face value.

E.g. a recent one when switching DDs iPhone to a new one "you have the same phone as DD do you know what model it is and whether it takes a nano sim?'

Me: No, I don't know either of those things. Have you thought about looking it up in the settings on her phone.

Dh: storms off because what he actually wanted was for me to - I guess - log on to 02 and find the model/ google it for him/ check my emails from 2 years ago and find out my phone model from when I ordered it.

But that's not the question he asked. And he could have found out the answer by checking DD's phone instead of trying to triangulate me into the whole thing.

I'm autistic too and I'd stop talking to you altogether. Awful.

Your communication style reminds me of maths exams, my dh would be long gone if I answered like that - the calendar one is fine!

This. I would just avoid talking to you altogether. And if ever you asked me a straight question I’d give you a stupid round about answer out of spite!

Who has to stand there working out that 40 minutes before 10:30 is 9:50?! It's automatic surely, very simple mental arithmetic.
That answer is fine to me OP because DH would hear 9:50 latest but maybe a bit before that in case of traffic if I gave that answer , because he's capable of making his own inferences.
The chicken is the one that doesn't sit right because the number isn't divisible by 4 in chicken terms, you're not having 2.5 pieces of chicken each. I'd probably say there are ten, take what you like just save enough for me and DC

What a nightmare you sound

I want answers not more questions

But why don't you just work it out for yourself as the replier has to?

Because the parent who does 'all the thinking' doesn't usually ask things like 'do the children need sun hats'. They look outside/at the forecast.

This would drive me nuts

Unless he has history of never making decision and leaving all admin, arrangements to you I'm not sure why you can't just answer him.

*9.45
*Can't remember, check the calendar
*The chicken thing I think you're fine with

• Yes

I do this but it's thinking our loud so I would say like your example. We'll its a 40 minute drive so I would say 9:50 would be a good time.

I think we should bring the hats as the weather forecast said it would be sunny. Etc.

Give the answer with your info.

I'm the same as you OP. It seems reasonable to me. I guess now I'll say 'I haven't worked it out yet' instead. Less informative but less irritating.

LTB

If you know the exact answer just answer the question. Who has time to figure out riddles? I have a sibling who goes all around the houses where a direct response would suffice; drives me mad. Rant over!

Really irritating...you 'say' that you are giving him all the information that you have (fair enough)...but you're doing so in such a weird bloody way 🤷‍♀️ Surely, if you have all the required information, you can answer in a straightforward way, by just giving the actual answer?

I'd simply not be able to live with this, it would drive me batty! 😱

But I don't know the exact answer without working it out/looking it up.

So telling him the information he needs to work it out or where to look it up seems helpful to me. (Obviously not to many people!).

@YesitsBess I like that, I am not the family brain!

I have spent the last few years trying to train my lot to think about things before asking me but it's a long,hard battle to get any of them to think sometimes.