To answer questions this way?

[Danceswithkids]

This is hard to explain but DH will ask me a question, and I give the information I have to hand that can be used to get to the answer but I don't work it out for him. This annoys him because 'Im not answering the question'. I feel I am! For context we have small kids and I am often already doing three things at once when the questions come in.

Examples
him - when do we need to leave to get to the party? me - it's a 40 minute drive and we need to get there at 10:30.
him - what time is the teddy bears picnic? me - it's on the calendar.
him - how many pieces of chicken is my share? me - I cooked 10 between 4 people.
him - do the children need sun hats? me - I checked the forecast earlier and it's going to be sunny all day.

Aibu to answer this way or would your partner answering like this annoy the crap out of you?

It would annoy that crap out of me but isn’t that the point? All (except the chicken IMO) he can work out himself without shifting the mental load onto another person.
if she doesn’t answer then he’ll start to work it out himself and then neither will be annoyed by unnecessary questions being asked and non answers given.

YABU and you probably think you are being a super smart arse. In reality you are just being an arse.

Good question - what would make you think that?

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I'm only messing 😆

This ^ then maybe have a chat about that?

If he asks excessive nos.of qus I can see why that would be annoying. If he's making general chit chat (ie sometimes you say 'do you think sunhats? What time shall we leave?' without needing an answer per se), then you sound obtuse.

You're goading him.
Pretty nasty really.

Holy moly you sound annoying
Wont be married for long if you keep this shit up

Your way of answering only makes sense if you haven't figured out what you want to happen. Would be ok if you were talking thru the decision not trying to make him figure it out. Marriage is about sharing burdens, just tell him what you want if you have figured it out already.

"Yes it's going to be sunny."
"Would you be happy with 2 pieces of chicken?"
"Let's leave about 9:50 am."
would be more helpful.

You sound like a primary school teacher talking to her pupil!

How did you answer when he proposed?😂

Sounds like he’s expecting all the answers from you as if you’re a calendar! It’s not hard to think these things through and act on them independently(as a grown up). Just another thing to add to your to do list…tell hubby exactly what to do today! Yanbu Imo.

This is how a manger I had when I was early in my career answered questions in an aim to get me to think for myself. I'd be fuming if my DH asked me if the kids needed hats. Figure it out.

@lljkk why do her responses need to be more helpful? She said in the post that when he asks her she's already doing like 3 things at once. The least he can do it work these things out. Clearly she hasn't worked them out she's giving him the info she has.

It depends! Is it on purpose to wind him up or make a point, or are you just kind of speaking your thoughts out loud, as they come into your head? As in... The complete answer isn't in your head yet, so you're just giving him the same information that you have? If the latter, it's not unreasonable.

Not a reverse!

I'm not 'deliberately' answering that way to wind him up, (definitely not being passive aggressive!) I'm just saying the bit that's already in my head?

It wouldn't be quicker to give the 'short' answer because I'd have to work it out, so he'd have to stand there while I thought the bit that I'm saying out loud, then did the maths (or got out my phone to see the calendar etc), then gave the answer.

Obviously when I know the answer off the top of my head I just say it.

If you are deliberately being unpleasant and obstructive, your answers are fine. If you are trying to have an adult conversation with a man I am assuming you want to stay married to, you may want to reconsider. It would be better to just say ‘I don’t know’ as a PP has suggested. It comes across as less actively spiteful than you are at the moment and makes the same point.

But you are winding him up.

Urgh. Why though?

I genuinely couldn't live like this. I'm autistic and I just need a straight answer. I can't imagine many people would be happy with it though.

'How many pieces of chicken are for me?'

'I cooked 10 for 4 people'

WTAFF

I totally get it. He is outsourcing his thinking to the OP! Come on, a grown man can work out how much chicken is his share.

But surely if you've put 10 pieces of chicken in the oven you did that because you were giving people X amounts? Even if there were 10 in the pack you could say there's 2 each and 2 spare

Yeah, some people talk like this because they need to “think out loud” to get to the answer. It can be frustrating for people who don’t think that way, but I don’t think it can be helped.

Your post did sound a bit like you have the answer in your head and you’re just making him figure it out for himself.

That's not true for the sun hat example. You knew the answer was 'yes', but chose not to say it.

I do think there is a bit of this, so if I just do the maths in my head and think it's 40 minute drive and we need to get there at 10:30, so I say 9:50, then inevitably the next question will be 'how long is the journey?' so (I'm thinking) it's better to give him all the information I have at the start, rather than just the 'result'.

Just to say, by ‘want to stay married to’, I don’t mean that either you or your DH are doing anything divorce worthy, just that if the marriage isn’t on the way out anyway, being deliberately unpleasant to each other (which, even if that’s not what you intend, seems to be how the way you respond to his questions is coming across to your DH) doesn’t make for a nice atmosphere.

You're both unreasonable. He shouldn't need you to make all the decisions. Your answers, I would assume if someone said them to me they were pissed off at me and couldn't be bothered to engage.

him - when do we need to leave to get to the party? me - it's a 40 minute drive and we need to get there at 10:30 - "so what time would you like to set off" / "so I think 9.45ish" / "so let me know what you decide".
him - what time is the teddy bears picnic? me - it's on the calendar "I can't remember, can you check".
him - how many pieces of chicken is my share? me - I cooked 10 between 4 people "so take 2 so there's enough" / "so can you cut a couple in half" / "because you said you were hungry so I did for you".
him - do the children need sun hats? me - I checked the forecast earlier and it's going to be sunny all day - ok this one I'd have just said "I'm not the king of sun hats, what do you think" or if he's completely ineffective "yes of course they do, look out the bloody window".

I agree. The thought processes are:

OP - Do the kids need sun hats today? I’ll check the forecast.
MrOP - Do the kids need sun hats today? I’ll ask Dances.

Information isn’t beamed directly into her brain. She has to find it, log it and store it.

The chicken could be an exception though because it might not have been totally obvious how many pieces there were.