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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To answer questions this way?

218 replies

Danceswithkids · 03/09/2022 19:48

This is hard to explain but DH will ask me a question, and I give the information I have to hand that can be used to get to the answer but I don't work it out for him. This annoys him because 'Im not answering the question'. I feel I am! For context we have small kids and I am often already doing three things at once when the questions come in.

Examples
him - when do we need to leave to get to the party? me - it's a 40 minute drive and we need to get there at 10:30.
him - what time is the teddy bears picnic? me - it's on the calendar.
him - how many pieces of chicken is my share? me - I cooked 10 between 4 people.
him - do the children need sun hats? me - I checked the forecast earlier and it's going to be sunny all day.

Aibu to answer this way or would your partner answering like this annoy the crap out of you?

OP posts:
TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 03/09/2022 19:58

Nah I'm with you here.
Yes it might be easier to just straight up answer the question, but this way he's actually gotta engage his brain.

BecauseICan22 · 03/09/2022 19:58

Danceswithkids · 03/09/2022 19:48

This is hard to explain but DH will ask me a question, and I give the information I have to hand that can be used to get to the answer but I don't work it out for him. This annoys him because 'Im not answering the question'. I feel I am! For context we have small kids and I am often already doing three things at once when the questions come in.

Examples
him - when do we need to leave to get to the party? me - it's a 40 minute drive and we need to get there at 10:30.
him - what time is the teddy bears picnic? me - it's on the calendar.
him - how many pieces of chicken is my share? me - I cooked 10 between 4 people.
him - do the children need sun hats? me - I checked the forecast earlier and it's going to be sunny all day.

Aibu to answer this way or would your partner answering like this annoy the crap out of you?

You sound like a tw@t.

DappledThings · 03/09/2022 19:58

Do you enjoy being so difficult?

Merryoldgoat · 03/09/2022 19:59

Waiting for the ‘reverse’ admission.

TastesLikeFlavourlessFizz · 03/09/2022 19:59

If Theo is on the London train 9.45 but Sukie is going by car what time will they reach Brazil?

😂😂😂

OP, I can see why you might want to answer this way if he’s continuously in need of direction but I would find you answering this way exhausting and couldn’t hack it in the long run.

PeekAtYou · 03/09/2022 20:00

If you'd forgotten what time the party was and had to walk over to the calendar and read the time then you are not unreasonable. If you answer like that in the hope that he checks the calendar in future then it's passive aggressive.

I don't understand why you can't say "2 pieces of chicken" or whatever you'd calculated when you chose to cook 10 pieces. There's must have been some thought like 4 people eating 2 pieces each and 2 for lunch tomorrow or whatever.

Palmtreesandsand · 03/09/2022 20:00

I think you are not being U. Why should you be the Oracle of all things and why should you have to work it all out?

He sounds tiring. Why can't he just use his initiative?

Topgub · 03/09/2022 20:01

Rather than being passive aggressive why don't you address the issue which is that you resent him?

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2022 20:01

NumptiesIncorporated · 03/09/2022 19:55

She could use a lot fewer words and it would be more helpful.

Show quote history

True

HollaHolla · 03/09/2022 20:02

God, this would be irritating to live with. Do you always speak to him like a child.

KrisAkabusi · 03/09/2022 20:02

If this isn't a reverse, then yes, you're being incredibly annoying. Just answer the question.

SavingsThreads · 03/09/2022 20:03

I hope it isn't a reverse and really surprised at these answers.

Why is it the OPs responsibility to know everything?! Her partner is practicing strategic incompetence

Skelligsfeathers · 03/09/2022 20:03

Yabu
Hugely

Mangocrazy1 · 03/09/2022 20:03

Yeah @Danceswithkids that would annoy the FUCK out of me…seriously that would drive me to divorce or murder I reckon. Why would you want to waste your time and energy answering in such a way!! Is this a reverse??

Undertheoldlindentree · 03/09/2022 20:05

Sounds as if you're a performance parent speaking to a child. Where's the teamwork?

Brideandpredjudice · 03/09/2022 20:05

I HATE reverses

Natty13 · 03/09/2022 20:06

Mine used to ask me incessant questions like that, as if I was Manager Of All Things. So my stock answer was "I don't know" until he stopped asking me things he could figure out for himself.

girlmom21 · 03/09/2022 20:07

SavingsThreads · 03/09/2022 20:03

I hope it isn't a reverse and really surprised at these answers.

Why is it the OPs responsibility to know everything?! Her partner is practicing strategic incompetence

It's not. It's her responsibility to deal with her frustrations like an adult, though.

Flowerytoe · 03/09/2022 20:07

I think you've got some really harsh replies here. I think that when you're multi tasking you don't have the energy to work things out so you say what you've got in your head and then he can work it out. I think this is totally fine.

It's not like you are avoiding giving him the answer by purposefully giving him a riddle like some people are insinuating. It's an energy thing, you don't have the energy to work it out so you just tell him the info that's accessible to you in that moment. As long as youve explained to your DH that that's why you do it it's his problem to find it annoying. Hopefully he will be more understanding.

Readaboutyourself · 03/09/2022 20:08

Merryoldgoat · 03/09/2022 19:59

Waiting for the ‘reverse’ admission.

Ditto.

Basilthymerosemary · 03/09/2022 20:09

I'd find it annoying personally. Just answer the questions...
Him: what time do we need to leave?
You: 10am

Done.

imlevitating · 03/09/2022 20:09

Back story needed.

SunshineClouds1 · 03/09/2022 20:10

YABU
Would annoy the shit out of me

Time do we need to leave for the party?
9:50, it's literally quicker than the answer you gave

picklemewalnuts · 03/09/2022 20:12

I think it's sensible. You are pushing back at the role he's allocated you of 'family oracle' or his PA.

I would say that maybe you aren't pushing back enough- you are giving him half the information.

Examples
him - when do we need to leave to get to the party? me - it's a 40 minute drive and we need to get there at 10:30.
Check Google maps, it starts at 10.30.

him - what time is the teddy bears picnic? me - it's on the calendar.

him - how many pieces of chicken is my share? me - I cooked 10 between 4 people. DC will have 1 each, I'm having 2.

him - do the children need sun hats? me - I checked the forecast earlier and it's going to be sunny all day.
Check the forecast.

Mangocrazy1 · 03/09/2022 20:14

FWIW This is how either of us would answer the questions
him - when do we need to leave to get to the party? me - 10:30.what do you think? Will that give us enough time?
him - what time is the teddy bears picnic? me - (depending on where we are in relation to said calendar)…it's on the calendar or “the time”
him - how many pieces of chicken is my share? me - I cooked 10 so 2 1/2 my love.
him - do the children need sun hats? me - I’d say so, what do you think?

it’s really not that hard to have an adult conversation