Cutting down on expenses. AIBU to take DS out of nursery for a year?

[SpicedAutumnPumpkin]

Name changed for that.

With the cost of living crisis already taking a stroll on our household expenses I am getting concerned over what is about to come in the colder months ahead. We are not on a minimum wage by any chance but find that our balance is not looking good after all the deductions at the beginning of the month. We went though those and can't cut down on anything else. For example a deliveroo treat once in 2 weeks is an essential for our mental sanity as we dont go out much. Our rent is about 900 which is very good for the place we rent and we will not find anything cheaper. Everything else just adds up. We don't go on holidays nor do we have any expensive hobbies.

Dh works full time but its a hybrid work with some days from home and I do some part time work online plus studying for a new qualification. We got DD who is 9 and goes to a state school and DS been going to a really lovely nursery for the past year. He is turning 3 in a month time. The fees are quite high and even with the funding available the term after he turns 3 will still leave us with quite a lot of money to pay even for just a few days a week. Especially during holiday times when we do not really need the nursery but have to pay for it anyway and the funding won't be available for those days .

AIBU to be considering taking him out of the nursery for a year till he goes into a state pre school. We used to do that before when my dh and I would replace one another and it worked okish. I can then take him to activities like swimming and football or just playgroups around to meet with other kids.

My friends think that this should be an absolute last resort and I am being unreasonable. But then it won't be them telling my kids that we can't do presents for their upcoming birthdays and Christmas.

Each to their own. Some methods of contraception also cost quite a bit of money though. So if you use lets say condoms, imagine how much money your household could have saved in a year without this expense.

P.s its a sarcasm because that's what this thread has turned into .

Just read the OP’s posts… so guessing the tone of responses…

my kids have only gone to nursery for their 15 hours in the year before they started school. It’s fine.

This was so funny!! 🙂🙂

@Doingprettywellthanks

sorry but no way would I be forgoing
my one treat all year to save £480 to give my kid a “kick ass” party…

but then i ain’t a mummy martyr

kids don’t need to get everything they want

no kid was ever scarred from not having a birthday party one year

op and husband work hard, look after kids, run a home etc - why the fuck should they have to sacrifice their one treat?!

I just don’t get it - can anyone explain? Genuinely curious!

What a shame you mentioned deliveroo, OP! Any kind of vague but necessary mental health expense would have been left alone, and there could have been advice on other ways to save money if you had wanted that.
I would ditch nursery for a while if you can manage to work around it. As previous people have said, people mainly pay for nurseries so they can work, not just for the child. If you can use just your free hours at some point, then that would be great.
Keep supporting local restaurants, they will really need that this winter.

@ChiefWiggumsBoy

get away! Adults are not allowed treats!

ESPECIALLY when they become parents!

Every single penny should go on the kids. Having your hair done, buying make up clothes, going to pub are selfish and self indulgent, you should be past those things now - you’re a mother now and
your children didn’t ask to be born

👍👍👍👍

Not at all unreasonable

Why don't you just send him to a nursery or childminder that will accept purely the 15 funded hours? Both my DC have done this and there was zero cost to us

My understanding is that these nurseries take in children the year they turn 4, not 3.

There must be more than one nursery option, or many childminders accept funded hours. Even if it means driving out of your way it would be worth it for you DC to be able to keep socialising with other kids

They take 3 year olds sometimes too but usually those with multiple siblings already at the same school. They prioritise 4 years olds as this is their prep year with most of them going to the same school. We are on the list for the next academic year but of course I will double check perhaps half way through a place becomes available you never know. I just cannot find any other way to cut down expenses at the moment as we are not yet getting any funded hours but our electricity/grocery bills are growing badly already.

Do what YOU feel is right for your family. Things are only going to get worse, we are heading for the unknown so it's great you are thinking of ways to mitigate the energy crisis and if this is your only option then that's what you have to do. Your DS won't suffer as a result

I take him to playgroups in the mornings he doesn't go to nursery and I've been doing that for the past 2 years. He also goes swimming in a group with his dad and does rugby for little ones so has made a few friends there too.
Ds by no means lacks any social interaction. In fact he plays with kids in the nursery the least and just does his own thing most of the time.

Obviously we are still considering all the options but just getting increasingly worrying not knowing how huge our bills are going to be once we start putting the heaters on.

@SpicedAutumnPumpkin
Can you explain why you won't find another nursery, playgroup or childminder which accepts only the funded hours? There are several options like this where I live

Have you worked out how much the current nursery will cost with the funded hours? Do they offer term time places? Or are there other nurseries or settings that you could use meaning top ups would be minimal?
I think it could be tough for dc to adjust from being in a nursery to being with parents full time and then to starting school (or school nursery) rather than flowing from one childcare/nursery setting to another.

Professional violin? How old is she?

I can’t believe the Deliveroo vitriol on here! it’s not £480 a year either as you still would need to pay for 48 meals.

Yet there was a thread last week where someone was asking whether they should spend their last £100+ on a hair appointment and everyone was telling her to go for it.

I say take DC out of nursery, and try to find a genuine free hours term-time place if you can, usually it’s just schools that seem to offer this
near me.

@WannabeMathematician
Isn't this what everyone was doing during lockdowns?

Nursery fees round your way must be very cheap if a years nursery cost the same as 24 takeaways. And just think of all those centuries worth of deprived people who never got any socialisation or education because there weren't nurseries for them. However did they manage?

OP, there is no right answer to this. Everyone has to cut their cloth according to their own lights. You won't die without your takeaways. Your child won't be socially and educationally damaged by missing a year of nursery.

Your only unreasonable action was being daft enough to ask the question here...

I'd take ds out of nursery if you can manage it with work. I guess it's a false economy if you then can't work properly and get sacked.

And keep having your takeaway every 2 weeks. We're having a takeaway tonight and I'm looking forward to it for the same sorts of reasons.

@user1496146479 Yes but I’m my case my employer chose not enforce that contract to retain staff during lock downs. They did offer everyone the option to temporarily cut their hours while the lock downs were on going and the nurseries and childminders were shut.

But it was clear when childcare opened up again that they expected us to use it. I’m a software developer so the job requires deep concentration so I can see why they don’t want toddlers distracting us.

The danger of course being that by not spending on condoms you end up with the much more expensive alternative: a child. Best to avoid sex altogether!

On a serious note, I’d only take your DC out of nursery if it’s not going to interfere with your work or place a burden on your or your DH’s colleagues. Those without kids made a ton of allowances during lockdowns (parents had their hours halved on full pay but the work still needed doing) but the mood is definitely different now that childcare settings are open, living crisis or not.

Totally agree with this