Cutting down on expenses. AIBU to take DS out of nursery for a year?

[SpicedAutumnPumpkin]

Name changed for that.

With the cost of living crisis already taking a stroll on our household expenses I am getting concerned over what is about to come in the colder months ahead. We are not on a minimum wage by any chance but find that our balance is not looking good after all the deductions at the beginning of the month. We went though those and can't cut down on anything else. For example a deliveroo treat once in 2 weeks is an essential for our mental sanity as we dont go out much. Our rent is about 900 which is very good for the place we rent and we will not find anything cheaper. Everything else just adds up. We don't go on holidays nor do we have any expensive hobbies.

Dh works full time but its a hybrid work with some days from home and I do some part time work online plus studying for a new qualification. We got DD who is 9 and goes to a state school and DS been going to a really lovely nursery for the past year. He is turning 3 in a month time. The fees are quite high and even with the funding available the term after he turns 3 will still leave us with quite a lot of money to pay even for just a few days a week. Especially during holiday times when we do not really need the nursery but have to pay for it anyway and the funding won't be available for those days .

AIBU to be considering taking him out of the nursery for a year till he goes into a state pre school. We used to do that before when my dh and I would replace one another and it worked okish. I can then take him to activities like swimming and football or just playgroups around to meet with other kids.

My friends think that this should be an absolute last resort and I am being unreasonable. But then it won't be them telling my kids that we can't do presents for their upcoming birthdays and Christmas.

Op I would take him out. I would try to use his free hours elsewhere - your dd school preschool? I would continue this Deliveroo too- yu both work and deserve a treat! He will be fine for a year with you and doing activities.

Not sure why everyone is so concerned about DC missing nursery? They're planning to go to pre school and groups. Sounds fine to me op if that what you prefer but I'd shop around and see if there's anywhere you can use your funded hours first. Don't be a martyr.

Good lord what a judgey, mirthless lot are responding to this thread.

If a Deliveroo and a chat/meal with dh keeps your marriage happy and healthy, that's better for the dc than Xmas pressies.

Anyway, what you asked about is nursery.

If you are both able to handle quitting nursery along with your jobs, then do it. £500/month between now and January is a lot of money. If nursery isn't a requirement for you, YANBU to stop paying for it.

Doesn't matter what the money is for or whether you need it. The question is whether you and dh can take good care of your dc during the day. If the answer is yes, quit nursery.

Ah right yeah deliveroo probably less stressful then for you.

I'd do as PP say and apply for preschool in a school attached to the school he's likely to go to if possible. I did the same after paying getting on for £1k per month in a private nursery and it's benefitted our finances and also my DD who has just started reception with a group of friends she already knows.

The only downside was having to find childcare in the holidays a year early.

I'm thinking this is a wind up.

No one would complain they're struggling so much financially that they can't afford presents for their children, then say they can't possibly not spend £40 a month on takeaway food, surely...

I'm just wondering if there is a compromise. I think nursery is really beneficial for children, I've definitely found my 3 year old ds is a lot more confident and talkative than some of my friend's similar aged children who don't go. I'm not saying it's essential and that isn't a criticism of parents whose kids don't go to nursery, I just think it is very beneficial. And wfh with a toddler is stressful.

Could he do one day a week? Especially in January when his funding kicks in. I don't know what prices are like where you live but for us a 7.30-6pm day is about £60, and they will stretch it the 30 hours/week term time funding across the whole year making it about 22 hours a week. Would your nursery do this? Our ds goes two days a week and with the funding and 20% tax free it is about £150/month, so would be significantly less than you're paying now and even cheaper if you just did one day.

Yes, we will definitely check the nurseries that might do part day for example that would be best for us . I will also check if a place might become available in the state pre-school.

Also would love to calm everyone down. It wasn't a Deliveroo night in our luxurious household. For tonight's tea we've just had bird eye's fishfingers and I made sure that my husband walked himself to the nearest supermarket so we do not pay any supermarket delivery fees. I think we are all set for electricity bills and Christmas now!

You’re kids can’t have presents. But you spend £480 a year on takeaways?!?

nope. That’s mean and cruel. I don’t drink or smoke or socialise nor do I get take away often. Me and my husband can easily have meaningful evenings without that. I’m just so confused as to how it helps?

deliveroo need you to market for them!

We might be able to afford presents but not to organise a birthday party for example which my DD would absolutely want because she hasn't had a proper one for a long time

sorry love no birthday party for you, mum and dad want their takeaways and that means you love - don’t get your party cos we cannae afford it!

Christmas is not just presents though is it???? It is the feeling of calmness and perhaps joy in the family which is of course affected if you are struggling from one month to another. I don't know how other kids are but mine are tempted with small things in the months ahead too. They got their birthdays, then before Christmas its small expenses when u are passing by the aisle with all the colourful chocolates, pyjamas etc. It all adds up! If your electricity bill is huge your council tax is huge and your nursery bill and rent are almost the same surely its not a 40 pound take away that makes the difference. ?

But definitely a wind up.

@SpicedAutumnPumpkin

this is true

make time for u and your DH relationship!

So would £480 make a difference at Christmas time for you? Or not?

@Doingprettywellthanks

op and husband are entitled to treats every bit as much as the kids

Since you were sarcastic to me...

You could have swapped your birds eye fish fingers £3 for 10 for Aldi's £1.55 for 10.

If that kind of poor decision making (not to mention that you seem to think supermarket deliveries are normal and not another luxury) is reflected in your annual food shopping and budgeting you will be wasting thousands a year and can definitely afford the DC's Christmas.

Who buys costumes for DC's Christmas anyway? Is this some kind of new fad?

Learn some budgeting.

Pay a therapist if your MH is that bad.

But don't stealth brag about your expenditure, claim poverty and expect sympathy from parents who actually sacrifice their personal luxuries for their DC's basics.

My kids have got everything they need but this year is so tough for many! My daughter plays professional violin and often her presents involve getting certain items for her passion. Or tickets to a classical concert because thats all she truly loves. Its not just something she does, she is also really good at it so we try our best to support. Yes after an intense day at work once in 2 weeks my husband and I order a takeaway at 8pm just for ourselves . This is not cruel!

Your message is extremely cruel and unthroughtful. Go away mean lady.

Jesus people calm down. Even grown ups are allowed to allocate less than £100 a month to their own well-being - it a not your business whether it’s on a takeaway or cinema or whatever. And I think people are willfully missing the point in that it’s something you enjoy together, without the kids.

YANBU so long as you can manage with him at home. He’ll be in preschool next year which unless it changes is free.

It must be a nightmare spending Christmas with you.

P.s in many countries and cultures kids do dress up into costumes for Christmas and New Year celebrations!

Says the parent who says they can’t afford a birthday party for their DD who is desperate for one but it seems truly unfathomable to her to give up takeaways in order to get an extra £480 that she could set aside for… a kick ass party!

‘mine are tempted with small things in the months ahead too. They got their birthdays, then before Christmas its small expenses when u are passing by the aisle with all the colourful chocolates, pyjamas etc. It all adds up!’

Those are not expenses! It is very much optional whether or not you buy chocolates or something like new pj’s each time you are out shopping in the autumn and winter.

My nursery bill is 460 for 1 month. I will save it next month if Ds stays with me . Or yes, you are correct, I can go through a whole year without a single cheat treat not only for myself but also refuse Dh to have one ever . We will definitely afford Christmas 2024 then. Or maybe not if there is another energy crisis.

How many angry judgemental women on here????? Is it always like this?

So just take him out of Nursery then?!?! If it’s the answer to all your woes.

Oh are we doing competitive money saving on here now? I must have missed that memo.

OP I ditched the takeaways in favour of the dust under my bed. There really is no excuse you know.

Deliveroo is so overrated 🤔
I'd rather have a home cooked pizza,a bottle of wine and a shag 🤷‍♀️
That's better for my mental health 🤣😂🤣

Did you not read a message? I share my takeaway addiction (sorry hahah) with my Dh . Who also loves having let's say a Nepalese or South African meal from his favourite family run place twice a month!. It is his wish and choice too or should I control what he does with his money as well and give him a lecture and show him how much he would save if he doesn't order it?? Surely that's awful.

It is also a support for those places as many of the restaurant closed down where we live in.