Cutting down on expenses. AIBU to take DS out of nursery for a year?

[SpicedAutumnPumpkin]

Name changed for that.

With the cost of living crisis already taking a stroll on our household expenses I am getting concerned over what is about to come in the colder months ahead. We are not on a minimum wage by any chance but find that our balance is not looking good after all the deductions at the beginning of the month. We went though those and can't cut down on anything else. For example a deliveroo treat once in 2 weeks is an essential for our mental sanity as we dont go out much. Our rent is about 900 which is very good for the place we rent and we will not find anything cheaper. Everything else just adds up. We don't go on holidays nor do we have any expensive hobbies.

Dh works full time but its a hybrid work with some days from home and I do some part time work online plus studying for a new qualification. We got DD who is 9 and goes to a state school and DS been going to a really lovely nursery for the past year. He is turning 3 in a month time. The fees are quite high and even with the funding available the term after he turns 3 will still leave us with quite a lot of money to pay even for just a few days a week. Especially during holiday times when we do not really need the nursery but have to pay for it anyway and the funding won't be available for those days .

AIBU to be considering taking him out of the nursery for a year till he goes into a state pre school. We used to do that before when my dh and I would replace one another and it worked okish. I can then take him to activities like swimming and football or just playgroups around to meet with other kids.

My friends think that this should be an absolute last resort and I am being unreasonable. But then it won't be them telling my kids that we can't do presents for their upcoming birthdays and Christmas.

"We don't want to tell our kids that we can't do upcoming birthday and Christmas presents"
Of course you don't!
No, you don't need Deliveroo, but he doesn't need to be in nursery if you can manage without. It's up to you how you save money.

It sounds like your child is happily settled in nursery and in a routine. If it’s between your discretionary expenditure vs nursery fees- pay for nursery if you can.

Cut back on spending elsewhere and reduce nursery hours to what you can afford.

If you like your takeaway night with your husband- you can still have the same experience with a treat meal at home instead. If you don’t want to cook from scratch, try supermarket pre prepared food.

In relation to Christmas presents - see what is going free on gumtree, or pick up things second hand. If all else fails- ask for support from family or charities that make up boxes.

There is never any need to sit a child down and say they can’t get a Christmas present - they are too young to understand household budgets etc. Any present is better than nothing.

yabu not to address the attitude of food as a reward. That’s very unhealthy as a mindset to say your mental health depends on food that will, most likely, not be a good choice.

She has it twice a month. Unless she has big issues with weight/health, you're being a bit ridiculous

I agree they need some happiness, but the description of the food as being necessary for their mental health, i think isnt great. There are better ways that give a longer positive feeling than food.

Only full day 8-18 option in our nursery. Its also a minimum of 2 days. I don't think they can do funded hours only and even if so you'd be paying full fees over holiday periods. In addition, I feel bad doing that after speaking a friend who is an early years practitioner as her salary is incredibly low but the demands of her job were so high and taking kids only on funded hours just doesn't cover enough for the nursery as a business.

Unfortunately, we didn't get a spot in the state pre-school as they prioritised 4 year olds but we are on the list for next year.

I'm slightly confused by this thread.
If you are sending DC to nursery just to socialise, then absolutely pull him out until he is eligible for pre-school next year. I'm not really sure why you chose to send him in the first place if this is the case though?

If you are sending him there for childcare purposes, you need to look long and hard at your commitments and work out if that is really possible. Unless you have very flexible hours I'm not sure how DH can work full time, you can work part time and study and you can take DC to all the activities you suggest without your days becoming really long, or something giving.

@JulesCobb

such as?

Me too
Nobody needs deliveroo for their mental health
Pulling a child out of nursery is a bad move as it sets them up well for school
What do you propose to do for childcare otherwise?

And you are free to choose any way that gives your happiness and joy! Absolutely! I am not restricting you, great that you have found other options.

For me its enjoying a meal or 2 a month from my favourite family owned restaurants. If that works for me and makes me feel good than it is also a valid way to boost my mental health. In many countries eating meals together or eating in general is a big part of culture and brings people joy.

How many children do you have op?

‘Only full day 8-18 option in our nursery. Its also a minimum of 2 days’

Can you afford 2 days then? If not, then are there playgroups or other free classes you could attend regularly?

‘In addition, I feel bad doing that after speaking a friend who is an early years practitioner as her salary is incredibly low but the demands of her job were so high and taking kids only on funded hours just doesn't cover enough for the nursery as a business.’

It’s naive to think private businesses increase wages based on how much profit they make. They pay as little as they can get away with regardless

If deliveroo really is essential to yours and your partner’s mental health Op - you have bigger issues to address than nursery

Deliveroo! Really. Check your priorities. Buy a ready meal from a supermarket if you need a night off cooking.

I would look to reduce his hours if you need to.

Thats when my husband and I can just sit together after the kids had gone to bed and enjoy each others company. We don't have much time to spend just the two of us.

once a fortnight is your only opportunity to enjoy each other’s company? You have a 9 and 3 year old. You work part time. I can’t see why such limited opportunity?

Does it have to be deliveroo? You might save money if you go and collect it yourselves?

Such as seeing joy on your children’s faces on Christmas morning

Such as seeing joy on your children’s faces on Christmas morning

having seen @LuckySantangelo35 multiple posts on parenting…. That is not going to be something that washes with her in the slightest

Yes we would save 0.99 and collect it from a restaurant 50 mins walk away from our house. That would definitely help with the cost of living.

Part time
Two children
mince a

Because we work and then take kids to their aftershool activities and dont have much time to ourselves because we don't have any other family members to look after the kids in the evenings? Or am I supposed to tell you every little thing about my family situation?

sorry

part time
two children. 3 and 9.
hybrid working dh

i baffled why once a fortnight is only opp for alone time to enjoy.

something somewhere is wrong if this is the case!

Oh come on op.

we are all parents mainly on this thread
many many of us have no parental or otherwise support

don’t be a drama llama

I really don’t think it’s unreasonable to pull him out of Nursery if you don’t need him to be there and he’s already on the wait list for next Aug/Sept. You plan to take him out socialising and experiencing things that are age appropriate so he won’t miss out.

You’re lucky to have this option and your DS is lucky to have all those time with his parents.

Do what you think is best for your family and your current situation especially if your DP is completely in board too.

holding your DC's social, emotional and educational development back.

This is bonkers. He's 2 years old. Absolutely no need for nursery unless it's childcare. He can get all his needs met at home by his parents.