Cutting down on expenses. AIBU to take DS out of nursery for a year?

[SpicedAutumnPumpkin]

Name changed for that.

With the cost of living crisis already taking a stroll on our household expenses I am getting concerned over what is about to come in the colder months ahead. We are not on a minimum wage by any chance but find that our balance is not looking good after all the deductions at the beginning of the month. We went though those and can't cut down on anything else. For example a deliveroo treat once in 2 weeks is an essential for our mental sanity as we dont go out much. Our rent is about 900 which is very good for the place we rent and we will not find anything cheaper. Everything else just adds up. We don't go on holidays nor do we have any expensive hobbies.

Dh works full time but its a hybrid work with some days from home and I do some part time work online plus studying for a new qualification. We got DD who is 9 and goes to a state school and DS been going to a really lovely nursery for the past year. He is turning 3 in a month time. The fees are quite high and even with the funding available the term after he turns 3 will still leave us with quite a lot of money to pay even for just a few days a week. Especially during holiday times when we do not really need the nursery but have to pay for it anyway and the funding won't be available for those days .

AIBU to be considering taking him out of the nursery for a year till he goes into a state pre school. We used to do that before when my dh and I would replace one another and it worked okish. I can then take him to activities like swimming and football or just playgroups around to meet with other kids.

My friends think that this should be an absolute last resort and I am being unreasonable. But then it won't be them telling my kids that we can't do presents for their upcoming birthdays and Christmas.

What about a preschool instead of an expensive nursery?
I have to pay hardly anything on top of funded hours for ds to attend but have to provide a packed lunch. Some nursery fees are extortionate!

It’s 4 months until Christmas. You said you spend £40 a month on deliveroo. Over 4 months that’s £160. You’ll get a lot more than 2 soft toys for that. It doesn’t matter about presents for people abroad that you don’t see.

No it's not, read her post about presents, hobbies, fancy food etc,, that's not £300 worth

Children don’t need to nursery, parents need their children to go to nursery for childcare reasons. This is why nurseries get away with charging parents extortionate amounts of money to look after their children.

Full time nursery is only a concept which has existed for the past generation, prior to that children managed perfectly well without, and let’s be honest we don’t have a generation of children who are so much more developed than the previous generation.

Children benefit from preschool when they turn 3, but if you don’t have to then I wouldn’t pay exorbitant nursery costs no.

As for the people criticising the OP for using deliveroo, I presume you never buy yourself anything which isn’t a necessity ever? You don’t buy makeup? A bottle of wine once a week? Have netflix? You just have the bear minimum and nothing else ever?

The only reason why OP is being criticised here is because she’s dared to name the treat she has. But I guarantee there is not a single person on this thread who never spends money on something they easily could go without.

Unless the OP is chucking £100 a time on takeaway, then I can see that ditching an occasional takeaway is not going to compare with the saving made from leaving nursery.

Ever since I've had my youngest child (who is 7!), our entire lives have been spent trying to muddle through the cheapest childcare solution. I worked nights around DHs hours for the first 3 years. It's not forever and it's only a year. Grit your teeth and get through it.

The 30 funded hours is not always 'free' hours. Especially now with nursery costs soaring.

Reduce DC's nursery time to 3 days covered by the 30h funding. Then at least you'll get 3 days child free. I can't see how people can look after toddlers and work at the same time?
Also ditch Deliveroo.

Op needs to have some kind of treat and £40 isn't excessive at all

No it's not, read her post about presents, hobbies, fancy food etc,, that's not £300 worth

Its not thousands either.

I cannot understand the ire here. Saving nursery costs will free up far more money than a few deliveroos. So why not do it if it works for her?

I’d buy make up, wine and Netflix if I could also afford Christmas presents for my children. If I couldn’t afford Christmas presents for my children I would not buy those things.

Thank you for that! This thread really worries me as I didn't expect this level of hostility over something that doesn't even affect anyone on here. I am not spending their money on deliveroo nor taking their kid out of nursery. Nor am I the reason this country is in crisis (again). I often help out charities around Christmas time helping families who can't afford Christmas and hear so much judgement like those people didn't prioritise their expenses etc. I guess its just always in the air the need to attack someone at their lowest.

Can you find a nursery that doesn't charge on top? There are some near us not attached to schools but only open 9-3. Some charge £3/4 for lunch and snacks but that's it.
We use a private Montessori because we like it and because 9-3 is no good with our working patterns, but it sounds like it might be fine for you

Oh they are usually only term time too

Agree. They can get social interaction they get from nursery else where. I've read online at age 8, they should be able to spell 100 words and my DD can already spell 50 plus at the age of 4 ( she's just turnt 4 a couple of weeks ago) I agree nursery is more about child care rather than learning

Of course there is nothing wrong with treating yourself but you don't normally start a thread about how you can't afford this, that and the other

I don't get it either. Put your DS in for 30 free hours and look after him for the rest of the time? I really think it's important at that age that they get time with children their own age for their development. Takeaway I can't get excited about tbh but if it's at the expense of your children....madness 😵‍💫

The OP’s annual deliveroo cost is one month’s nursery fees.

So where do posters suggest the OP make the other £5.5k savings?

I would try and use just the finder hours, so not having to pay anything on top.

E.g. only afternoons or mornings.

The other options would be to drop the days.

If you are able to take care of him at home, then even 1 or 2 days a week at nursery is better than nothing.

If he was under 3 I wouldn't think it mattered if he stayed at home, but over 3 I think they need some time with their peers especially before they start reception.

She doesn’t need to spend £5.5k on children’s Christmas presents

She doesn't need to make another £5.5k

Because it was affordable before COL increases.

What she needs is an increase that maintains the steady state that has existed to date.

I think it would be a bad idea to depend on only one wage-earner as we head in to a downturn.

Also locally we have private nurseries that do teatime hours only as well as full year.

I definitely wouldn't be paying extra for holiday care.

She doesn’t need to spend £5.5k on children’s Christmas presents

Who said she would?

Thats a decent cushion to be saving in tough times. It could help them out in many ways. I really dont understand why there's such strong feelings here.

Brilliant!

yanbu to remove the child from nursery you cannot afford. But why not do reduced hours?

yabu not to address the attitude of food as a reward. That’s very unhealthy as a mindset to say your mental health depends on food that will, most likely, not be a good choice.

You said the task-away is because you dont get out much. Take-away doesnt address that. Why not use the take away money to go outside the house to do anything. The baby is transportable at this age and the 9 year old will be fine. Going out of the house doesnt need to cost a lot of money. It can even be free. We often go out for meals at a local gastropub cheaper than a take-away by only ordering food and a jug of tap water, as drinks can double the price of a meal. Teo adult pasta dishes and a child’s meal and a free jug of tap water will be cheaper than that take away and you're out.

Saying that you can’t afford Christmas presents for your children (and will have to tell them that) is quite an emotive way to describe things, especially when you admit to having a fortnightly takeaway at the same time. Yes, stopping nursery would save a lot more. But stopping the takeaways would directly fix the Christmas present problem.

If current predictions are anything to go by she might have to spend it on energy bills though.