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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cutting down on expenses. AIBU to take DS out of nursery for a year?

243 replies

SpicedAutumnPumpkin · 03/09/2022 13:38

Name changed for that.

With the cost of living crisis already taking a stroll on our household expenses I am getting concerned over what is about to come in the colder months ahead. We are not on a minimum wage by any chance but find that our balance is not looking good after all the deductions at the beginning of the month. We went though those and can't cut down on anything else. For example a deliveroo treat once in 2 weeks is an essential for our mental sanity as we dont go out much. Our rent is about 900 which is very good for the place we rent and we will not find anything cheaper. Everything else just adds up. We don't go on holidays nor do we have any expensive hobbies.

Dh works full time but its a hybrid work with some days from home and I do some part time work online plus studying for a new qualification. We got DD who is 9 and goes to a state school and DS been going to a really lovely nursery for the past year. He is turning 3 in a month time. The fees are quite high and even with the funding available the term after he turns 3 will still leave us with quite a lot of money to pay even for just a few days a week. Especially during holiday times when we do not really need the nursery but have to pay for it anyway and the funding won't be available for those days .

AIBU to be considering taking him out of the nursery for a year till he goes into a state pre school. We used to do that before when my dh and I would replace one another and it worked okish. I can then take him to activities like swimming and football or just playgroups around to meet with other kids.

My friends think that this should be an absolute last resort and I am being unreasonable. But then it won't be them telling my kids that we can't do presents for their upcoming birthdays and Christmas.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpicedAutumnPumpkin · 03/09/2022 15:02

KyaClark · 03/09/2022 14:55

You said you can't afford to buy your kids presents for birthdays or Christmas yet you spend £40 a month on Deliveroo. Of course that's not going to go down well on a parenting forum...

We might be able to afford presents but not to organise a birthday party for example which my DD would absolutely want because she hasn't had a proper one for a long time. The prices of those things are very high and obviously that's not just that. Its out electricity bills that are completely out of control already and its a real worry because our flat is very cold especially kids bedrooms.

Yes there will be plenty of parents who might struggle to buy their kids presents this year. I help our with lots of charities providing presents for children so I know what I am talking about. Those parents are not ordering deliverroo every night by the way.

OP posts:
Bernadinetta · 03/09/2022 15:03

You didn’t say a party, you said presents.

Original poster
SpicedAutumnPumpkin · 03/09/2022 15:04

felulageller · 03/09/2022 15:00

Get an m&s meal and eat off paper plates and plastic cutlery?

That's how you cut back.

Not refusing to work full time and holding your DC's social, emotional and educational development back.

You do whats best for you , lovely lady.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 03/09/2022 15:07

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time on here OP. I can't imagine you're alone in trying to eliminate a huge expense like this in your life Deliveroo isn't touching the edges of that.

LuckySantangelo35 · 03/09/2022 15:08

Op and her husband are allowed a treat ffs

going to work to earn money and never being able to spend any on yourself would be a miserable existence

Original poster
SpicedAutumnPumpkin · 03/09/2022 15:11

TheKeatingFive · 03/09/2022 15:07

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time on here OP. I can't imagine you're alone in trying to eliminate a huge expense like this in your life Deliveroo isn't touching the edges of that.

Its trying to make the person feel so much lower than they did before they even posted on mumsnet. I don't understand this at all?? So many people will be struggling or going into dept and we still enjoy pulling each other apart for every small thing.

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 03/09/2022 15:11

Might have been suggested already but if you take him out completely you’ll be losing the 15/ 30 funded hours which is madness. Have you considered moving him to a term time nursery for the year and just using the free hours?

badbaduncle · 03/09/2022 15:12

I don't understand the concept of nurseries as 'good for' children. They are great places for children to be looked after whilst parents work. If you are DH are at home or not working then I cannot fathom sending him unless you are very rich.

raindon · 03/09/2022 15:12

Nutella99 · 03/09/2022 14:49

Why is everyone so caught up in the Deliveroo thing? 2 takeaways for 2 adults twice a month does not anywhere near equal nursery costs! So it's not really relevant.

But OP I still don't get how you and your DH are planning to look after your child at home when you work part time and your DH full time? Even if it is from home. That doesn't seem fair on your DC, yourselves or your workplaces.

No but it equals christmas present costs.

raindon · 03/09/2022 15:13

SpicedAutumnPumpkin · 03/09/2022 14:52

Oh my goodness still on Deliveroo bit. Our nursery costs are just under 500 pounds whilst our deliveroo is 40 pounds per month. We can only qualify for the funding from January but we still have got to live till then. State pre-school is full atm but we are on the waiting list to start next August.

I wouldn't be posting this thread if I wasn't genuinely thinking that our winter will be tough as we barely get to the end of the month atm without going into overdraft. We don't do holidays, don't smoke, don't drink alcohol at all so yes a takeaway is 'our' time. I work flexible hours so yes I can do loads of education staff when I am not teaching with my son and daughter in the meantime.

But thanks everyone for the support . Yes Deliveroo has proven to be much more helpful for my mental health than asking for any advice on mumsnet. People tear each other apart here like animals.

£120 in 3 months then, that's enough for Xmas presents.

raindon · 03/09/2022 15:14

badbaduncle · 03/09/2022 15:12

I don't understand the concept of nurseries as 'good for' children. They are great places for children to be looked after whilst parents work. If you are DH are at home or not working then I cannot fathom sending him unless you are very rich.

They have been excellent for my child's confidence and I'm pleased they have been so that school isn't a massive shock to them.

raindon · 03/09/2022 15:15

Heronwatcher · 03/09/2022 15:11

Might have been suggested already but if you take him out completely you’ll be losing the 15/ 30 funded hours which is madness. Have you considered moving him to a term time nursery for the year and just using the free hours?

Yes, or find a different nursery that will allow this?

TheKeatingFive · 03/09/2022 15:15

Personally my kid gets loads out of nursery, and I wouldn't want to take him out if I did t have to.

But what's also good for children are families not on the bones of their arse, so in the OP's position I'd certainly consider it

Original poster
SpicedAutumnPumpkin · 03/09/2022 15:16

raindon · 03/09/2022 15:12

No but it equals christmas present costs.

Show quote history

It absolutely does not as Christmas involves not just 2 soft toys. Its usually more cooking which means more electricity usage, decorations, cards and presents for the people abroad that u can't see, food that you wouldn't normally buy, some dress up costumes for kids, the presents kids really need or want if they are into hobbies etc. Everything adds up! Prices on toys alone have gone up I am not sure you noticed.

OP posts:
IncessantNameChanger · 03/09/2022 15:16

One takeaway a fortnight came no where near touching my kids £1000 pm nursery fees. Where do you all live? I need to move there!

GoneWithTheWine1 · 03/09/2022 15:19

It made me chuckle about the takeaway. You don't need to justify it. 😂

Can you not at least use his 30 hours when he turns 3 so he's not missing out on socialising?

Keladrythesaviour · 03/09/2022 15:20

titchy · 03/09/2022 14:24

Thats when my husband and I can just sit together after the kids had gone to bed and enjoy each others company.

You don't need a Deliveroo to do that.... Just cook an extra couple of portions earlier in the week and reheat. Leave washing up the two plates and cutlery till the next day. Job done.

Or eat it out of the Tupperware you kept it in for the full takeaway experience.

Knittynanna · 03/09/2022 15:20

Reduce his hours, have takeaway every 3 weeks instead of every two, a couple of slight adjustments instead of radical life changes, so nobody will feel too big an impact.

raindon · 03/09/2022 15:21

SpicedAutumnPumpkin · 03/09/2022 15:16

It absolutely does not as Christmas involves not just 2 soft toys. Its usually more cooking which means more electricity usage, decorations, cards and presents for the people abroad that u can't see, food that you wouldn't normally buy, some dress up costumes for kids, the presents kids really need or want if they are into hobbies etc. Everything adds up! Prices on toys alone have gone up I am not sure you noticed.

Show quote history

That's why I said Christmas present costs. That's £60 each for the kids. I know there's the rest of it too.

I'm just trying to help think of ways to help the situation in case it then isn't as bleak as you thought. But anyway, no you're not unreasonable to do your plan if that's what you think you have to do.

Original poster
SpicedAutumnPumpkin · 03/09/2022 15:24

raindon · 03/09/2022 15:14

They have been excellent for my child's confidence and I'm pleased they have been so that school isn't a massive shock to them.

Show quote history

And thats amazing. But I wasn't suggesting to take your children out of nursery was I?

All kids are different. My son likes the nursery but its absolutely not the most essential part of his life as he does a lot more.

OP posts:
User148563 · 03/09/2022 15:24

OP is obviously one of these that spend 1000s on Christmas so would rather go without than cut down a bit, I though the child was about two or three, do they have hobbies at that age

TheKeatingFive · 03/09/2022 15:27

OP is obviously one of these that spend 1000s on Christmas

Thats just a silly assumption

raindon · 03/09/2022 15:27

SpicedAutumnPumpkin · 03/09/2022 15:24

And thats amazing. But I wasn't suggesting to take your children out of nursery was I?

All kids are different. My son likes the nursery but its absolutely not the most essential part of his life as he does a lot more.

Show quote history

I know! Sorry if it read like I was having a go at you for your choices. I was trying to explain the concept of nurseries being "good for children" to the poster I replied to. You have to do what you have to do. There's going to be loads of people making similar tough decisions so do what is needed for your family. X

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 03/09/2022 15:27

Wow. This is nasty and silly. What nursery costs the same as a fortnightly takeaway? £20 or so a week…

Original poster
SpicedAutumnPumpkin · 03/09/2022 15:27

User148563 · 03/09/2022 15:24

OP is obviously one of these that spend 1000s on Christmas so would rather go without than cut down a bit, I though the child was about two or three, do they have hobbies at that age

We absolutely do not have 1000s to spend on Christmas. Otherwise why on Earth would we rent and why would I post this thread??? To laugh in people's faces who actually are living on credit cards??

OP posts: