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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend will only pay me back if I allow her to live with me

306 replies

losca · 03/09/2022 13:19

Two years ago I gave my friend a loan of £4k as she was in a precarious financial situation having not been able to break her lease when her MSc came to an end as she had anticipated (she was screwed over by landlord so I was very sympathetic as I experienced similar).

In contrast, I was living at home (moved back in during Covid) and was able to save so more than happy to help. My dad basically convinced me to give up a few years of my life in order to get on the property ladder in London.

My friend has known my plan has always been to buy a house and use rent from housemates to cover the rent (wish I had never shared my bloody life plan with her now). My friend also knows roughly what the mortgage will be -- foolishly shared Rightmove link with her.

I've lost a lot of respect for her as she has far exceeded the date we agreed that she would pay me back by. Anyway, I'm really shocked that she has essentially said she will only be able to afford to pay be back if she moves into my new house (rent is far below market rate).

There's no way I want to live with her due to the way she has conducted herself but I really feel like she is blackmailing me. She has slagged me off to anyone who will listen and shared my every detail of finances - savings, salary etc. to mutual friends.

I drafted a contract (independent witness also signed) but I'm worried it's meaningless. I cannot afford to walk away from the money as I need to set up home with it.

OP posts:
PenCreed · 03/09/2022 13:22

She's not a friend. Take her to court - the small claims process is meant to be relatively straightforward to do.

JudithHarper · 03/09/2022 13:22

Send her a letter before action and take her to the small claims court.

She isn't your friend so get your money and cut her loose.

mountainsunsets · 03/09/2022 13:23

She's not your friend.

Take her to court and cut her off. And never lend anyone money again!

Sunflowers2047 · 03/09/2022 13:24

Agree with what others have sa

Sceptre86 · 03/09/2022 13:25

Small claims court. Also learn a lesson from this, you overshare! You should never disclose your finances to anyone except maybe a spouse. Also your 5 year plan or whatever does not need to be shared and never borrow money you can't afford to lose. You would be beyond stupid to allow her to be a tenant.

hettie · 03/09/2022 13:25

She's not your friend, whatever you do DO NOT let her move in. She will never mover out and will take more money futon you (likely in unpaid rent). She's already lied about you, stolen your money and shit stirred. Take her to court to see if you can get your money back but don't let her in the new place.

Sunflowers2047 · 03/09/2022 13:25

Have said - take her to court and get your money back. Can't believe she's doing this to you!

stayinghometoday · 03/09/2022 13:25

She doesn't WANT to pay you back, or she eould have st least paid something already. She's untrustworthy and wants to use you. Take her to court and cut her off.

As for the mutual friends: if they say something you just tell the truth. If they feel thst she needs help then suggest thst they take her in/ give her 4k. You've already tried and it bit you in the face.

losca · 03/09/2022 13:25

I sent a letter which she shared in a whatsapp group we're both in. She dangles the fact she will have to return to her home country (EU) over my head if she cannot afford to be in London.

She characterizes me as being money obsessed/spoilt - not true!

OP posts:
nomistake · 03/09/2022 13:27

Christ she sounds awful!!!

WallaceinAnderland · 03/09/2022 13:28

You will win at small claims court. She will have to pay but it can be in installments. At least you'll get it back eventually. Obviously don't let her move in with you.

mountainsunsets · 03/09/2022 13:28

losca · 03/09/2022 13:25

I sent a letter which she shared in a whatsapp group we're both in. She dangles the fact she will have to return to her home country (EU) over my head if she cannot afford to be in London.

She characterizes me as being money obsessed/spoilt - not true!

Not your problem.

You're being too soft.

JudithHarper · 03/09/2022 13:29

losca · 03/09/2022 13:25

I sent a letter which she shared in a whatsapp group we're both in. She dangles the fact she will have to return to her home country (EU) over my head if she cannot afford to be in London.

She characterizes me as being money obsessed/spoilt - not true!

If she can skip the country, start your claim first thing Monday.

Ffsmakeitstop · 03/09/2022 13:29

Tell her to fuck off back to her home country and get yourself some less judgemental friends.

GetOffTheRoof · 03/09/2022 13:29

Fuck her and her attitude.

Letter before action. Take her to small claims.

And DO NOT let her into your new home even for a cup of tea. This woman is no friend.

Electricstar · 03/09/2022 13:30

She’s not your friend OP

You need to claim against her now and forget the friendship

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 03/09/2022 13:30

I put YABU because YABU to lend a friend so much money. Rarely does that end well.

honestly at this point I would end the friendship and let her know you intend to go to small claims court unless she starts repaying what she’s owes.

who gives a shit if she is talking crap about you it if she has to go to another country.

you may find you don’t get the money back but I think this is a lesson about lending money.

sueelleker · 03/09/2022 13:30

Don't do it! She'll expect to live rent free, and claim that the rent she isn't paying you can go towards what she owes.

Miri13 · 03/09/2022 13:34

Agree with everything said previously. Do not let her move in. Go small courts and if you lose your £4k then it’s a hard lesson learned. However, not having to deal with her ever again is worth it. She sounds horrific, imagine what it will be like if you let her move in. She will probably cost you your sanity and house.

xsquared · 03/09/2022 13:35

She's not your friend and I'm surprised that the MN favourite hasn't been trotted out yet.

She's a massive CF!

You will need to take her to court.

1FootInTheRave · 03/09/2022 13:35

She is a scruffy theiving rat.

Get to small claims court and then fuck her off.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 03/09/2022 13:36

Do not let her move in with you, that's asking for trouble! She's trying to blackmail you ffs! How does she think that's a good basis for a living relationship?
Drop the friendship, take her to court, and tell everyone why.

woodhill · 03/09/2022 13:37

Agree with the others, what a nasty person she is

Don't need her in your life

AlisonDonut · 03/09/2022 13:37

But how can you get your placemif she doesn't pay you back?

Get the money back whilst pretending she can move in, and then make sure she doesn't move in?

RedHelenB · 03/09/2022 13:37

losca · 03/09/2022 13:25

I sent a letter which she shared in a whatsapp group we're both in. She dangles the fact she will have to return to her home country (EU) over my head if she cannot afford to be in London.

She characterizes me as being money obsessed/spoilt - not true!

As I see it, you have a choice of losing 4 grand and choosing who you share the fact with or losing 4 grand, plus rent she'll owe plus living with someone you don't like and trust.
Easy decision to make .

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