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AIBU?

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Original poster

Son needs a *delicate* operation and I need to lie

392 replies

LittlewhitelieLily136 · 03/09/2022 10:13

When my son was born he had one undescended testicle.

He is going to be 7 in October and it STILL hasn't come down by itself (consultant confirmed it is very stuck!) and with covid and everything his op to get it fixed kept getting pushed back and back. (Understandable but annoying for him too!)

Anyway.

He finally finally has an op date and he'll need time off school for it but, well, we haven't said that he's got an undescended testicle publicly.

  1. Because it's no-one elses business
  2. For his privacy because it might be considered embarrassing - no matter how common it is.

Now we haven't said to our friends and family that ds is having an op yet but we will have to as it won't be taking place in our local hospital and for the time off school.

AiBU to lie about the reason for his op to protect his privacy and self esteem? DS is mature enough to know that one lie leads to more - and I agree with him. I feel bad that I need to lie but I do need to lie for him if that makes sense. I can't stand the thought of him being bullied for this. He already gets bullied.

I also don't know what kind of op to replace it with.

Please advise

OP posts:
Clarityiskey · 04/09/2022 19:10

It's pretty common- I've taught several boys with this issue over the years. Other than making sure they were OK and making sensible adjustments re PE/playtime etc, it really wasn't a big deal. Kids have allsorts happen at various times; recurrent UTIs being another one. But schools have a duty of care and absolutely keep it on a confidential need to know basis.

MadeInYorkshire69 · 04/09/2022 19:12

You will need to inform school (due to potential aftercare for PE etc) - but this will be treated as a need to know basis . Speak to the person in charge of medical needs - usually the Head or SENCO. I promise you that it will be tested with discretion.

BlodynGwyn · 04/09/2022 19:23

OP, my son had this surgery when he was 7! He was born with both descended but when he was 7 he said to me, "I'm only going to have one child" I asked him why and he said he only had one ball. I had his dad look and his dad confirmed.

His doctor was surprised because he always had two - in the right place.

When he had the surgery it was supposed to be a very short procedure, but it ended up taking hours. The surgeon said he had to make a huge incision because the shy ball was way up & tight in his abdomen. The surgeon said it could never have ever been down where it belonged. Of course it was. He was born in a fantastic hospital who detected his tongue tie immediately, he saw a pediatrician from the start, he saw our GP and his PA, all saw two balls. Including us.

We never told anyone, except his teacher. She was very sympathetic. His recovery time was longer because of the large incision.

His first child is due to born in TWO WEEKS. But according to his 7 yr old self, he'll only ever have two children, because he's only got two balls. haha.

FurAndFeathers · 04/09/2022 19:25

KindergartenKop · 03/09/2022 10:23

Just say he's having an orchidectomy or whatever the medical word is. Teacher won't have time to Google it.

Orchidectomy is a castration/removal of a testicle - that’s not what’s happening.

no one needs the details of another person’s medical history. It’s not about making genitalia shameful or any other nonsense. It’s about choosing not to share personal medical info which is entirely reasonable.

simply tell school and family he’s having a minor op and if anyone asks nosey questions, tell them it’s his personal medical info and you aren’t sharing it, but it’s nothing to worry about.

DreamToNightmare · 04/09/2022 19:26

He was born in a fantastic hospital who detected his tongue tie immediately, he saw a pediatrician from the start, he saw our GP and his PA, all saw two balls. Including us.

My son had two testicles at birth and continued to do so until he was about 8-9 months old and then one of them just disappeared back up.

DreamToNightmare · 04/09/2022 19:28

Orchidectomy is a castration/removal of a testicle - that’s not what’s happening.

Well it may be happening if the testicle is damaged and will not function correctly, which the surgeons won’t know until they reach it. I imagine OP has been warned of this possibility.

rnsaslkih · 04/09/2022 19:29

A small abdominal procedure.

It’s true and vague

gregaliara · 04/09/2022 19:30

To the school he is having a minor operation, will need time to recover, its only your business no one else need know. When he has fully recovered, and you are ready for it, put on your hobnail boots and address any bullying going on at school.

petelacey · 04/09/2022 19:31

The truth for a 7 year old will make him a target for all sorts of horrible jokes and bullying. Tell him it's a hernia op. You know piece of intestine popping out of muscle. Anyone wants to see the scar it will look correct to any other boys his age, and older, who won't know crap about the reality anyway. It is quite a common thing.

Msloverlover · 04/09/2022 19:35

My cousin had this and the corresponding operation (unsuccessful but he’s now got two children so obviously didn’t cause too many issues!) We all knew about it and it was a non issue. But there are no secrets in my family because nobody can keep any!

Msloverlover · 04/09/2022 19:36

School should know because of duty of care etc but no reason his friends need to know. I doubt they’d ask at 7 tbh.

Maryminx · 04/09/2022 19:53

Call it a minor abdominal hernia.

Ukrainebaby23 · 04/09/2022 20:00

He's having a minor op for a small hernia he's had since birth should cover it in most circumstances.

Mamanyt · 04/09/2022 20:02

"My son is having a surgical procedure. There will be additional recovery time." Full stop. There is no reason to give private medical details to anyone.

caringcarer · 04/09/2022 20:02

My son had it done at 2 or 3. Just said he was having small OP to correct tested not descended to close family.

Turquoise123 · 04/09/2022 20:25

I had had a similar issue. I have never given details and have always said it’s to respect my children’s privacy. Never had any problems with anyone about this BUT I am generally respectful of their privacy

Moll2020 · 04/09/2022 20:25

If your son was in my school, you wouldn’t need to lie. I deal with attendance and hospital visits/surgery etc are kept private and the reason for absence is not recorded on the class register. Tell your son’s school that it is personal & private, they have a duty of care to your son.

Ifeelsuchafool · 04/09/2022 20:32

Please don't tell them. Something concerning my private parts kept me off school for a week at about the same age and, though he didn't announce it to the class, my then class teacher took me to one side and said you do know that your mother has told me the real reason for your absence don't you? Now I need to hear it from you. I was mortified and that teacher continued to hold over my head, for the rest of that year, that he could and would, should he consider it necessary, pass the information onto the rest of the class at any time.

Hollywolly1 · 04/09/2022 20:35

Its no one's business but you and your son, if you are not comfortable with saying it then don't

oreobiscitz · 04/09/2022 20:41

I dont understand why the school can't know the facts

Will they make ball jokes to him and make an announcement in class to the other kids

🙄

Happyhappyday · 04/09/2022 20:41

I had an abortion, I didn’t want to tell work/everyone i know so I said I was having a minor medical procedure and would likely not be feeling great for a few days. Literally no o e asked any questions. At all. I imagine people assumed it was a variety of things or just did not give a monkeys! We’re not as interesting as we think.

ancientgran · 04/09/2022 20:44

Ifeelsuchafool · 04/09/2022 20:32

Please don't tell them. Something concerning my private parts kept me off school for a week at about the same age and, though he didn't announce it to the class, my then class teacher took me to one side and said you do know that your mother has told me the real reason for your absence don't you? Now I need to hear it from you. I was mortified and that teacher continued to hold over my head, for the rest of that year, that he could and would, should he consider it necessary, pass the information onto the rest of the class at any time.

That's horrific. Poor you going through that and he should have got the sack.

SuperCamp · 04/09/2022 20:46

Happyhappyday · 04/09/2022 20:41

I had an abortion, I didn’t want to tell work/everyone i know so I said I was having a minor medical procedure and would likely not be feeling great for a few days. Literally no o e asked any questions. At all. I imagine people assumed it was a variety of things or just did not give a monkeys! We’re not as interesting as we think.

No one enquires further if a woman talks of an unspecified medical procedure as they assume it is something ‘down there’ and far to embarrassing to speak of.

Dibbydoos · 04/09/2022 21:29

It's a minor op, they don't need the details. You are NBU to avoid disclosing yhis.

I paid for my son to have a minor op privately cos NHS was fd up due to covid and he was in pain. So glad to hear you have a date for the op.

Missingpop · 04/09/2022 22:08

It’s a tough one it’s it poor little guy; I’m sure he’ll be fine though; my step brother had his done at 9years he just walked into class & told everyone why he hadn’t been sat school; he wasn’t lucky he had his testicle removed due to the damage to it; but he used to carry a little pot & if the kids got Lairie he would get the pot out & ask if anyone wanted to lol a his mummified bollox kids left him alone x