Separate bedrooms = happy marriage?

[DreamToNightmare]

For the last week I have been sleeping in our eldest son’s room (sofa bed) and Good Lord, I have been sleeping so soundly!!

Normally I’m disturbed by my husband’s snoring, his fidgeting, his getting up for a wee twice a night and feeling chilly because he likes the bedroom window open a little at night.

It’s been like heaven this last week not having to deal with that!

This morning he joked about me preferring to share a room with our son than him and I laughed it off when inside I was thinking “Hell yes I do” 😂

Im due to move back to our bedroom tonight and feeling a bit disappointed because this set-up is glorious.

Last night, once the children were asleep, me and DH went to our room, we watched the latest episode of a series we are watching amongst chatting about our days, then we had sex, then we said our goodnights and then I left and went to my sofa bed, read a few chapters of my book before then settling down and getting a wonderful sleep.

My husband has bought me up a cup of tea in bed this morning and now he’s downstairs dealing with the children and their breakfasts etc.

Its bliss and I could certainly get used to this.

I’m sure having separate rooms in the unspoken rule of happy marriages 😂

We have been together for 40yrs, married for 36, slept alone for about 30. We still managed to have 2 children, have an active sex life and be happily married. And it's not a secret.

A good nights sleep is the only thing that matters really, everything is better when you are well rested and we are just not, as we found out pretty early on, compatible bed partners.

DH functions best on a full 8 hours sleep, the room is dark, all windows closed, 13.5 duvet even in the hottest weather, total silence.

I sleep for an average of 5hrs, I'm fidgety, am frequently up and down in the night, open windows all year round, light sheet covering, audio books.

Separate rooms is definitely something to aspire too imo.

Not for me. DH works away so we only share a bed twice a week. I sleep terribly when he's not at home.

I’m hoping to get dh on board with this. He’s a horrific snorer-and getting worse with age-and I’m a poor and light sleeper. He’s automatically slept in the spare room when he’s been out for years, and recently on holiday we slept separately due to a bad mattress hurting my back, and it was bliss!

Yes!!! We have been together 20 years and married almost 1. We would have split by now if we'd carried on sleeping in the same room. We slept in same room on holiday and the snoring was pretty bad.

@Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Yes, we sleep in separate rooms but I worry about when our kids have friends round and play upstairs, and refer to "Dad's room" and "Mum's room" to their friends. Not sure why I worry - don't want the kids being teased as they get older I suppose.

DD had a sleepover for a birthday and the kids were even asking me why we had different rooms! I just said we snore

I'd hate to not share a bed with my DH. When he occasionally goes away overnight for work I don't sleep well at all. I think every couple should do whatever works for them though and it's no one else's business.

God yes!! 100% we would have divorced years ago if we hadn't have had the option of separate rooms.
Been married 27 years now.

Probably the odd one out here - been together 25 yrs and still sleep in the same bed. We both snore now we are getting older! I get up in the night for a wee but he sleeps soundly and it doesn't disturb him. I've hypothyroidism so I never awake refreshed anyway, I don't think a separate bedroom would fix that! We get on fine when awake and he works from home, too.

I always advocate for separate bedrooms and would like it to be more normalised. I don't think either DP or I have extreme sleep needs, though he's a very light sleeper who needs total darkness whereas I toss and turn a bit. But both of us just sleep better alone, and being well-slept (and therefore not overly grumpy/snappy) is pretty key to a good relationship.

I think the vague shame people feel is because it implies you're not having sex? But it hasn't affected our sex life at all (I don't really think just before sleep or just after waking up are my ideal times for it anyway). When the subject has come up with friends I've found more people sleep separately than one thinks... and they all say it's been a game-changer for the better.

A good friend has always had separate bedrooms, and now they've progressed to separate houses! Separate bathrooms seem a really good idea even if sharing a bedroom.

It’s great to hear from so many separate sleepers!!!

Like a previous poster, my child’s bedroom is on a separate floor to mine and my DH’s bedroom so I’m not disturbed at all seeing as we are a flight of stairs apart.

My husband has gone out for the day but when he’s home I’m considering talking to him about making it a more permanent set-up. Or maybe just for the Mon-Fri when getting a good sleep is better for us when we have got to get up for work.

My husband gets really hot at night and he hates it if I get too close to him or if I lean against him or rest my head on him etc so I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s also secretly enjoyed the solo sleeping.

They are still very much together I must add.

I would hate to sleep in separate rooms, so personally I would try everything possible to make sleeping together more comfortable - a bigger or better bed (good mattresses make a huge difference to partner disturbance) two duvets, even two single beds, earplugs, GP, compromise.

If both partners are happy with separate rooms and intimacy is maintained in other ways I'm sure it could work.

For me, sharing the bed is the foundation of sharing a life. The little caresses, kisses and intimacies, the whispered exchanges about the day, the alignment in our daily routine that comes from starting and ending it together. So you'd have to be sure that your DH doesn't feel like I do.

Slept apart for the best part of 30 years and I couldn't recommend it more - am stressed atm as we are due to go away with a large group of friends next year and am trying to work out how to make it work with us not sharing a room as i couldn't bear it.....

Yeah it's not for everyone and it's such a shame it is sething basically "shameful". It can work absolutely great. I am oretty sure we are still married purely because of separate rooms because we are just terrible sleepers in different ways.

I am beyond jealous.. my DH refuses to sleep apart

Oh dear, do you do everything he wants ?

We gradually drifted into it as the kids left home. Now able to have separate bathrooms too. It’s all so civilised.

I’ve loved this too.

Sleeping in the spare room means I’ve basically had the main bathroom to myself whilst DH has used the en-suite which is attached to our room. I hate en-suites anyway.

I spent last night on the sofa bed again, I managed to blag myself another night on it 😂

We have slept separately for 3 years. No regrets from either of us. We’ve been married 24 years.

When one of us is sick yes.But it would really upset me if my partner wanted separate beds.

I think sleeping arrangements are one area where you both need to agree, its a pretty important part of marriage.

In our early years I spent a lot of time working away from home Mon-Fri so having the weekend with him was special even if he did end up on the floor of with the occasional black eye. People must have thought I battered him but I tended to wriggle and take up the whole bed and move around, he may have been hit by the occasional flying hand in my sleep.

Married 35 years and we have separate bedrooms, hate having to share if we are on holiday or visiting .... always request twin beds at the very least.
I think it's just so difficult to coordinate 'night time' routines, both of us sleep badly ... last night I was awake and reading between 3am-5pm, I couldn't have done that if DH was with me.

I would think he was being very needy if he said he missed me in bed !

Or he just really loves you and wants to spend as much time as he can with you.Edpecially if you work long hours and after a long marriage.

There is a lossible compromise for those who want but oartner doesn't of few nights each way. That allows for good sleep yet keeps other person happy too.