Separate bedrooms = happy marriage?

[DreamToNightmare]

For the last week I have been sleeping in our eldest son’s room (sofa bed) and Good Lord, I have been sleeping so soundly!!

Normally I’m disturbed by my husband’s snoring, his fidgeting, his getting up for a wee twice a night and feeling chilly because he likes the bedroom window open a little at night.

It’s been like heaven this last week not having to deal with that!

This morning he joked about me preferring to share a room with our son than him and I laughed it off when inside I was thinking “Hell yes I do” 😂

Im due to move back to our bedroom tonight and feeling a bit disappointed because this set-up is glorious.

Last night, once the children were asleep, me and DH went to our room, we watched the latest episode of a series we are watching amongst chatting about our days, then we had sex, then we said our goodnights and then I left and went to my sofa bed, read a few chapters of my book before then settling down and getting a wonderful sleep.

My husband has bought me up a cup of tea in bed this morning and now he’s downstairs dealing with the children and their breakfasts etc.

Its bliss and I could certainly get used to this.

I’m sure having separate rooms in the unspoken rule of happy marriages 😂

I could never do this. I fall asleep on DH's chest every single night without fail. I love having him next to me if I wake in the night. I really struggle to sleep without him and the intimacy of sleeping with him is important to us both.
He has no annoying sleep habits though.

My ex and I had separate houses - that worked well too! At my house we had separate beds in the same room, right next to each other, but it meant he didn’t wake me up with his fidgeting and flip flopping, or stealing the duvet. I had to wear earplugs to drown out the snoring though, but in fairness that meant I slept really well as he was the one “on guard” as it were, and I could totally relax! As a single mum I think I always sleep with one ear alert!

When we stayed away from home we always tried to find air bnb with 2 rooms and did exactly as you describe, spent the evening together in one bed and then went out separate ways to sleep. It’s perfect.

Definitely the key, without a shadow of a doubt.

You can have 'date' nights.

And yes like Rewis my BF was v offended by the set up at first, but then realised that he slept better too. At his own house he always had one of his kids in his bed so probably got used to sleeping poorly!

@rainbowandglitter the thing is it works for you so it’s fine but I would HATE to have someone ON me when I’m trying to sleep, it’s so hot and restrictive.

I end up in the spare room nine times out of ten because of DH snoring.

We've slept in different rooms for years, since I started the menopause and he used to get up in the night and go through. We had our spare room done out about 5 years ago and I moved in that night and have never gone back.

We've got 2 nights away in a hotel room this weekend - it always helps to remind us why we sleep in different rooms every now and then.

I'd love my own room it would be amazing 🤩 your not worth its bliss!

Sounds great to me if both partners are on board.

I don’t think it’s that unusual. ILs did it for many years.

If you have the space, a super king bed base and 2 single mattresses on top means you can't feel each other turning over or getting up. (I am a wriggly sleeper). Also, single duvets are great. And you can wash them easily yourself as fit in washing machine.

There's no need in my opinion to try and solve the distractions etc so that you CAN sleep together, if you are happy sleeping apart. It has undoubtedly made our marriage better. He often comes in for a morning cuddle once DC have woken us up, have a cup of tea together etc. I grew to resent the snoring so much, it would have been the cause of divorce I am sure of it. On the DC calling it mummy's room and daddy's, we call the room that is our room- where I sleep- our room, to reinforce it is our room with both our things in. The other room does get called daddy's but we are open he retreats there because of snoring, so DC would repeat that

Welcome to the secret...

Don’t go back to sharing a bed if you’re happier apart; we sleep apart and we both sleep well, very happy marriage, no issues

Together for 25 years and have been sleeping separately since about 2 years into buying our first house in 2001. It works for us because we have different work patterns so we don’t disturb each other, we each like our own space and preferences. Eg I like complete silence and darkness, DH likes the TV on.
It really is the secret to a happy marriage that nobody ever talks about lol

Sleeping separately is the key to a good long term relationship for anyone who is a relationship with someone who snores! Or talks in the their sleep. Or kicks. Or wriggles. Or gets up to use the loo. It's like a dirty secret, but it's really common.

Separate sleepers here too. DH is like a radiator and gets far too hot, he also snores. I get fidgety and annoyed with his snoring. Spare room now his room unofficially, but we share 'ours' first before he goes off to sleep. It works, we sleep well. We can sleep together if needed when we're away, or we just fancy it. But overall we're sleep separately as it's just our preference. I used to feel odd about it and wonder what people would think if they knew, now I couldn't care less.

I'm madly jealous! DH won't consider any of this. Says it would be the end of our twenty year marriage.

I would be all in favour. He snores, farts and sometimes stinks of stale beer. I would really like the option of being able to sleep separately when one of us is ill, but even that's a no.

Yes, I sometimes sleep in the spare room for a good night's sleep. I see it as a treat to myself! My husband is the type of person that falls asleeOnly been a married a year 😂. Maybe if we get a king size bed in future it will be better.

*meant to say falls asleep easily

I've always thought that my idea of a perfect marriage would be to live in seperate houses next to each or across the road.

You can spend as much time as you want to together but can retreat to a space that's entirely yours, exactly how you want it and with no impact of each other's annoying habits or clearing up after anyone.

And if you want a break you can just not see them for a night and chill out doing your own thing.

Now that would be married bliss!

My FAVOURITE nights are when the children get into bed with us and I can sneak out and leave them and go and get into the empty bed.

I kept my study and the sofa bed in it for YEARS until it broke and I’ve never gotten around to replacing it. I don’t sleep well and I sleep worse when DH is in the bed.

Does your OH always get their own way?

It sounds like he likes the window open and you don't = the window is always open

He likes the TV on and you don't = the TV is always on.

Each ti their own BUT we did this fir 10 years.
Then one day we woke up and realised how far we'd drifted apart.
Sleeping separately was the beginning of the end.
Long road back - to each other - and the same bed.
It's strange I wouldn't really have believed it if it hadn't happened ti me.

Oh no, I can't sleep without DH. Drives me insane I'm so used to him being there 😂

But if it works for you that's awesome!

DP and I sleep in separate rooms at home and and tonnes better rested and more harmonious for it. Many couples will tell you the same if they are being honest. It's the classic DP horrendous snoring reason with us.

My parents would say it's a marriage saver.

Mum happily in a freezing cold room (thanks menopause), my dad snoring away to his heart's content.