To feel confused at teachers response?

[olimin]

Hi all, first time posting. Thought I'd get a bit more perspective from other parents.

DC started reception today. It's day two And the kids are going in for half days the next week to get settled in.

DC's never attended nursery. He's also late summer born so is a lot younger than most of the kids in his class.

Feedback I've gotten for the past couple days from teachers has been that he's struggling to follow instructions, is persistent in doing his own thing and playing despite being told to join the rest of the class, repeatedly trying to leave the classroom and rarely responding to his name being called.

The teacher even insinuated that he might have special needs (which I know for certain he does not). The only positive she's mentioned is that he seems to be very bright.

I thought that reception was about getting kids to learn to follow rules and get used to school structure and routine.

Did any of your kids go through something like this? Should I be worried? He always responds to his name at home and with persistent instructions does what he's told. To me he seems stubborn and strong willed. Don't know what to do.

Yes you will more than likely be expected to walk away if they’re crying. I had to do this several times on day care and a few times in nursery and reception. It’s hard but you kind of have to. I’m also a teacher and would say the majority of children are fine once they’re in and distracted by activities. My own child was an anomaly and did apparently randomly burst into tears now and again (more at day care aged 2 than nursery or school) but staff encouraged her with stickers etc. She’s 10 now and still a clingy child some days but happy enough in school.

Same story with my DD. A lot of kids with normal to above average intelligence mask ADHD until secondary school, especially if they have inattentive ADHD as opposed to hyperactive ADHD.

Had the same problem, my daughter started in the nursery part of her school when she was 3 and didn't speak in school until she was 6! She couldn't do what other children could do either. It was always being suggested that she should undergo an assessment which I refused as I didn't want them to have low expectations of her. Later, she excelled academically, her photograph was on all the local newspapers when she gained an A* in every GCSE subject and was recommended for Oxbridge entry. Now a bit off the rails after giving up a Law to undertake teacher training! I am a retired teacher so qualified to know the demands of the job! Don't worry about your son, non compliance is not a measure of ability. My MIL also went through this when my husband struggled with reading but it didn't stop him reading physics at Trinity College Cambridge. If you lived in another country the expectations of your child would be far less.

From my experience teachers don't recognise special needs and certainly wouldn't on the second day. My elder son is mildly dyslexic and all they told me was that he didn't pay attention in class. He was taught by experienced teachers and an SNAT none of whom picked it up. It was a new teacher in her second year who did, in year 5, and the school went into overdrive for failing to pick it up. They were useless but I had a wonderful doctor who referred me to every consultant in the area so that we knew how to deal with him. I then studied dyslexia and found that many boys, 1 in 3, have it but most pick up methods to deal with it. It is a fascinating subject which I could spend hours talking about. I suspect that the teacher suspects ADD, ADHD which is ridiculous. A very young child in a strange environment who is not used to having to stay in one room is going to wander around etc. As for being so young, don't worry too much about it, in year 4 all of the kids will catch up with the older ones. As for the teacher, I suggest that you smile sweetly and tell her that he will improve with time and patience.

I'd actually go the opposite way and ask them if they suspect SN to get the ball moving.

My experience (having a summer boy) is that is used as an excuse. "He's a summer boy-he'll grow out of it" I heard many times. I saw children who were not summer boys but with similar behaviour being diagnosed and helped and thriving because of that. Ds was diagnosed aged 13yo having been put off with "summer boys need time to catch up" since reception.
I suspect this is one reason why summer boys do less well, because people leave it much longer to see if they'll catch up, so they don't have the mechanism in place to help, so they then get further behind.

It's more likely they'll not give him a diagnoses when he needs one than the other way round. So I'd ask the teacher if they think it would be a good idea to get an ed psych in to observe. There's a waiting list, and he won't be top priority, so you'll be waiting some time for that. if he improves in that time, which he may do, then they can cancel it. However if he is going to need extra help and understanding then early diagnosis is valuable.

As someone who works in SEN field, I can normally spot a SEN child quite quickly. From speech patterns to the way a child moves, if you spend enough time sometimes you just know.
However, teachers can't diagnose SEN and so maybe she was trying to work out if you knew something wasn't right already.

OR
As everyone else said, his young, hasn't been in nursery and is struggling to settle.

Personally I wouldn’t be telling a parent this early on anything more than positive comments. Possibly letting them know if they had been a bit upset but e.g after a cuddle and some time with the cars he came round.
Often when you get a class it’s easy to spot a child who may have additional needs very quickly. At this stage on the game I’d be waiting to see how things go in the coming weeks, possibly highlighting any concerns to management.
With regards to the hearing, my daughter is hard of hearing in one ear, can’t even hear if I whisper in that one. Sometimes things she hears I’m gobsmacked when other times she doesn’t hear loud things. With my limited knowledge there is a hearing banana that is all to do with pitch and where different sounds sit on the scale. Also with all the noises in classrooms this may become more apparent. I would possibly get his hearing checked just to be sure.

The teacher may be new??
no one should be judging him on his second day.
It will take a time for him to settle.
don’t worry, he will be fine x

Stubborn amd strong willed = naughty and uncooperative. Even at that age they are still expected to have some level on cooperation otherwise its just sheer chaos!!!

I see, he hasn't attended nursery... enough said!

Perhaps you are right but I don't know if they saw it that way in the 90's in fact trauma didn't even seen to be on the radar. In fact they used the fact that I was "smart" against me. They said "look you are smart. You can do it. You are just too lazy to try. That is your problem." And then I was misdiagnosed with ADD put on Ritalin and then everyday they would loudly call me to the special education room in front of all the kids and the special education teacher told me to be quiet and practice sitting on my hands for an hour every single day while she played solitaire on her computer. I wish this was all an exaggeration. 😒

Have you spoken to him about what school is like? What behavior is expected - hand up rule, following teachers' instructions, crossing legs etc. If not, it would be worth doing as a way of preparing him for Monday so he may understand better. Maybe he was unaware what school actually entails and is therefore responding to it more as a kids club/playing at a friends etc. Just a thought.

On the plus side (even though I think the teacher should wait a while before assessing) IF your son does indeed have some SEN it will be incredibly helpful to have such an attentive teacher. Getting help right from day on will be fantastic. I know a child that has gone through to year 10 without ever being diagnosed and its made their school life hell. As soon as they were diagnosed they got so much help and has just passed 3 GCSE's (two years ago the school said they wouldn't pass any) Not only in school but lso at home. It allowed their parents to know certain behaviours were normal to their condition and give them tools to manage.
As parents we are used to our children's behaviour and what we may see as a quirk can often be a trait of a condition that we may not be aware of. A label doesn't have to be a negative thing. It could be the difference between a child struggling through life or thriving.

What you’re writing is exactly what happened to me last year. Except my son had been to nursery and theyd told us he was absolutely ready for school! Within the first half term they had us in for meetings with the SENCO, and I found it very hard.

however, we now think he probably has ADHD. This wouldn’t really show up in a child before school as there aren’t many situations where they need to sit quietly, listen and concentrate. Our son is bright too, and met the requirements in year R but I think it was a challenge for him, so we’re now in the process of having him assessed for ADHD privately. I would say two things that sound a bit contradictory, the teachers do know what they’re talking about in terms of classroom behaviour so if they’re saying there’s an issue, try to hear them. However also remember you are the expert in your child and it’s your job to advocate for him in school so don’t just blindly accept what they say!

good luck to you and him xx

I had a similar experience in a new school with my DS. By day 3 teacher was saying she had "concerns". She called a meeting with SENCO and claimed by child couldn't walk properly, didn't have eye contact, didn't play with other children. My son plays football, had friends and normal eye contact at home and was telling me he had already made a friend and a boy was stopping him playing in the playground with other children in the playgroud. I took him out and put him in a new school and no concerns, excellent report. I found out later that the first school was financially struggling and threatened with closure and I suppose the money they would have received for my childs "SEN" would have helped!

No, it wouldn’t, that’s not how SEN funding works.

and I suppose the money they would have received for my childs "SEN" would have helped!

What a load of rubbish.

Remind me if I need support never to ask here, so much judgements about why he hasn’t been to nursery, I would be concerned if a child
of 4 didn’t x, y and z and so he must be SEN.

Give your little one some time to settle in and keep in close communication with the teachers. If you are worried set up a meeting to discuss further. It’s a huge change for your little one if he hasn’t been used to a school type setting, I struggle to hear in a lot of noise and I would want to leave too. Good luck and hope all works out well.

@Shinyandnew1 isn't rubbish according to this www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2144650/Special-Educational-Needs-Schools-scam-excuse-lazy-teaching.html

Well, I can believe myself-a SENCo who understands how the budget works-or a 10 year old article in the Daily Mail.

You must be 4 before April to start primary school in Ireland, there is an 18 month window for starting your DC.

Preschool isn’t mandatory though secretly frowned out when DC have no school setting experience.

My DS was 5 1/2 starting.

His friends who started at 4 1/2 are a year ahead but they struggled in the first year being younger.

I personally think summer born 4 is too young for school without Preschool
is an awful disadvantage starting without preparation from a Preschool setting.

He'll catch up but it'll be difficult for him.

Do lots of work at home with him.

OP, you will know over time if your child is having difficulties, the teacher cannot possibly know if the child has SEN in 2 days and most teachers couldn't effectively diagnose SEN anyway. I would not panic at this stage, just keep an eye on the child and check in on behaviour with the teacher weekly. It took my son a good 2-3 weeks to settle down in the nursery setting at 3 years old, then he was fine. When he moved into reception he knew the rules but there were some kids who hadn't attended nursery and they needed the same few weeks just to settle down regardless of the fact that they were older. I think this should be expected of a child who has never been in a structured setting.

@Joanbull you really can’t believe everything you read in the Daily Mail (or other papers).

No, it’s not up to the school to teach him ‘rules’ that’s your job and by the sounds of it he’s been doing what he likes.

Remind me if I need support never to ask here, so much judgements about why he hasn’t been to nursery,
Pp's are asking a valid question.
I personally don't know how anyone would put their DC in this position without any preschool experience unless there is a very good reason.
Has DS socialised with other DC?