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Expecting HIM to do school run?

771 replies

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:36

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..

I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.

We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.

He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .

I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.

The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .

some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.

I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …

Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Blossomandbee · 02/09/2022 09:10

If he's coming in so late after working long shifts and you're making him get up to do the school run when he could be catching up on sleep then YABU sorry.
I'm a sahm and I do absolutely everything including all school runs and my DH only works 9-5.


Puglover287 · 02/09/2022 09:10

if he doesn’t support your family unit financially then how do you afford to live/afford bills? Surely if you’re a SAHP you don’t have a substantial income or do you have a mass of savings/inheritance?


HeartofTeFiti · 02/09/2022 09:11

Yabu. I imagine your dh doesn’t love being out of the house commuting/working for 13 hours a day but he does it. He needs rest and a solid block of sleep between shifts. Your job literally involves getting the kids to and from school and caring from them, you can’t just delegate it because you don’t feel like it. Don’t you get 5 or 6 hours a day, 5 x a week to organise yourself however you like on weekdays? Why isn’t ample time for you to get a break from childcare? Preparing dinner and housework/gardening/life admin isn’t that arduous if you haven’t got kids underfoot and it can’t really take you more than three hours a day even if you stretch it out? Can you start facilitating the 15 yo to get themselves to bed so the after 9pm you also have an hour or so to yourself?

I’m not saying it isn’t wearying when every day feels the same and you have the slog of getting the kids to bed on your own. But the fact is your job is structured differently from a paid job where you can get annual leave and a 2 day weekend. You seem to have the better end of the set-up in your household.

Reach a compromise. If you let your dp have better sleep during the week, ask if he can be more assistance at the weekend keeping the kids entertained, and do baths and bedtime etc. You could take the youngest to the supermarket or the library or the park or for a bike ride while your dh looks after the eldest. Or vice versa.


girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 09:11

I'm assuming OP gets some kind of benefit for her child with additional needs.

OP you need to do the school run.
Compromise on you getting a lie in one weekend day.


mountainsunsets · 02/09/2022 09:13

Where's the rest of the money coming from if you don't work?


Starlightstarbright1 · 02/09/2022 09:13

So you don't do all the pcik ups either.. ?


lickenchugget · 02/09/2022 09:13

No one likes the school run, so that’s not relevant.

I would expect a SAHP (mother or father) to do the bulk of the school runs.


Bobbins36 · 02/09/2022 09:14

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:40

It’s a food business so he leaves normally around 11am and comes home around 12.30am.

He works hard but he has no other responsibilities. He completely gets to focus there because I carry everything here .

If you aren’t doing the school run as a SAHP then you aren’t ‘carrying everything else’. Poor guy doesn’t stop work till midnight!!


Ariela · 02/09/2022 09:14

I would say it's not for you or about you, but for your child - so he can spend some quality one to one time given your DH is not about at the end of the school day.
If he really doesn't want to do this then he has to spend more time with both kids at the weekend.


Beees · 02/09/2022 09:16

I feel genuinely quite sorry for your partner.

He spends 6 days a week working long shifts, never sees his friends, is perpetually exhausted surviving on only a few hours sleep, doesn't get quality time with his children and has a partner who gets 5 hours a day to herself 5 days a week and yet somehow he's the bad guy because he doesn't want to do the school run.

His life sounds shit.


RewildingAmbridge · 02/09/2022 09:16

If you are the SAHP and your children are both in full time school "everything at home" is your job! He works what 70 hours a week?!
DH and I both work full time, everything else still gets done


DancingBudgie · 02/09/2022 09:16

You're being very selfish.


Soubriquet · 02/09/2022 09:17

You need to do all the school runs.

I am a SAHM but disabled too. Dh works from 2am to 12pm

I take them, and he picks them up.


mattressspring · 02/09/2022 09:17

Ariela · 02/09/2022 09:14

I would say it's not for you or about you, but for your child - so he can spend some quality one to one time given your DH is not about at the end of the school day.
If he really doesn't want to do this then he has to spend more time with both kids at the weekend.

Only the younger child is his.


luxxlisbon · 02/09/2022 09:18

maybe I need to compromise and offer to do some of the morning school runs but I don’t feel it’s okay to do them all

Of course it is okay! After the school run you are literally free other than housework until school is over. Housework is something most adults do while working, you have hours free every day to yourself. He has one day off a week which he spends at home with you and the kids. On the days he works he is out of the house for 13+ hours, that is a long day.


Annaritanna · 02/09/2022 09:19

kids free time everyday 9 to 3 and she is complaining.
I have seen it all


Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 09:19

I wouldn’t say his life is shit. He gets to concentrate fully on his shop without any worry and distraction from his wife child or household. He never has to pay a bill or attend a kids parents evening or do a food shop or cook or clean .

he also doesn’t have the worry of being the full provider for his family . I am the main provider.

I can’t see how he can spend time on the weekend as he wakes up showers and heads straight to his shop. He is locked in there in terms of he cannot leave it or spend time away from it so my son would have to see his dad inside the shop and he hates it ( he’s young and it’s boring )

OP posts:

Saharafordessert · 02/09/2022 09:20

As a Sahp YOU need to do the school runs, saying you don’t like doing them isn’t a good enough reason not to!
The last thing your DP needs is to wake up earlier than necessary when he’s working such crazy hours.
You have the luxury of child free days when they’re in school…..I can’t believe you’d think its ok for him to be so exhausted!


Hurrrrah · 02/09/2022 09:20

Working until gone midnight, the morning shift is yours I'm afraid. Sounds like the man is working long hours. If you want more 50/50 you need to work so he can drop hours, if you worked too and had to get the children up and ready and then go to work I'd say he should be doing his share as he would be able to finish work at a sensible time. You can do the school run come home and put your feet up if you are tired, he can't he has to go to work.


Littlebluedinosaur · 02/09/2022 09:21

How are you the main provider if you don’t work?


SleepingStandingUp · 02/09/2022 09:21

So he's working 50 hours a week but doesn't earn enough to support your family whilst you pay half the bills from benefits? Is that tax credits because his wages are low or DLA / carers?

I don't think the issue here is the school run but that he's not participating in his children's lives and isn't even earning enough to fully support them.

Can you look for work now the kids are at school?


BradPittsLeftTit · 02/09/2022 09:22

Opie, for the love of God will you answer the fucking question about your finances! How on earth are you the main provider


rainbowandglitter · 02/09/2022 09:22

I've heard it all now.
Assuming this is genuine and not someone on the wind up....
Op where does your financial contribution come from? What do you do for 6 hours during each day when the kids are at school?


Orchidflower1 · 02/09/2022 09:23

I don’t get how you’re the main provider @Brighton5555 - sorry if I’ve missed that but how are you the main wage earner if you’re a sahp?

is there something else that’s not been mentioned?


Basilthymerosemary · 02/09/2022 09:23

Life sounds rubbish married to you. I feel sorry for him.
All kids at school- so what exactly are you complaining about? Housework and chores? You should be doing school drop off and picks up.

If you don't like it- go back to work and arrange a timetable of who does what.

You keep saying he doesn't fully contribute to the family unit? What exactly does that mean? Do you have a separate income that comes in? Otherwise if you are a SAHP you don't work (as in a job/career/employment)?

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