Expecting HIM to do school run?
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:36
Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..
I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.
We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.
He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .
I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.
The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .
some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.
I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …
Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
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Rinatinabina · 02/09/2022 08:57
ok what would be more reasonable is if you did nursery drop off. But weekends and holidays he pulls his weight with the kids and you get a lie in. Its hard juggling small kids. I’m a sahm but I get an extra hour in bed on weekends because I’m up early with DD during the week and obviously all holidays etc are on me unless DH has leave. DH also takes DD for a few hours every weekend to give me some downtime and does a lot of the night wake ups.
I get why you are resentful if you feel like you are doing all the parenting.
JuneOsborne · 02/09/2022 08:57
This sounds really hard. For you both. I'd be unhappy if I had to do every school run and everything else in the house too. But, I'd also be pretty unhappy working until after midnight every night.
The 2 of you need to talk and start acting like a team. Take into account your entire lives and start working out a plan that means you're both better off, in terms of the split of who does what.
The only thing I can't understand is how you're paying for your life if his wage isn't going entirely into the household budget.
Atmywitsend29 · 02/09/2022 09:00
No one likes doing the school run but you're the SAHP, so get on with it.
Why on earth would you expect him to get up early to take the kids to school just cause you don't like it, when he's then going to work for 12 hours. Christ, have you ever done a 12hour shift and getting home after midnight? Poor guy.
TokyoSushi · 02/09/2022 09:01
OP! Your working really hard inside the home, Is that literally just running the house/children (which pretty much everybody else has to do) or are you actually working a job from home?
Either way, I think that you need to take the DC to school as your partner is getting home so late. You could reallocate him another task to compensate if it would help.
If you're simply doing the washing etc and not doing a job as well then YABU!
mattressspring · 02/09/2022 09:01
No I didn’t mention my sen child for sympathy. I mentioned them as they are part of my family and the morning unit …. They have just started walking to school at 15 years old . The school is 7 mins walk away. He is supported on the walk via mobile phone …
You are like a leaky tap OP.
Now, where do you get your money from?
BradPittsLeftTit · 02/09/2022 09:01
This is hard to judge as you are being evasive about your finances. Does your DH provide for the house, but not your elder child as he gets maintenance or disability? So your DH pays the mortgage and bills but you get some contribution for your eldest? I agree with the others that YABU and should do the school run considering how long and hard you’re DH works
Dailymash · 02/09/2022 09:03
When you say he’s not fully financially supporting you, do you mean he’s giving part of his salary to you as his family and another part of it he keeps? That’s being unreasonable, the whole reason he has the ability to go out to work is because you’re running the house while he’s out.
As for the school run, I think you’re going to have to suck it up I’m afraid. I don’t LIKE having to go out to work, I don’t LIKE having to come home and clean the house, I don’t LIKE that the washing basket never seems to be empty. But I get on with it. I don’t actually mind the school runs, I walk my child to school and it’s a chance to spend a bit of precious time together before rushing off to work.
MistressIggi · 02/09/2022 09:05
I suspect it is much easier to get an uncooperative man to do one specific job (school run) rather than trying to get him to pull his weight in the hours he isn't working. But maybe he could have a specific thing (do the dishes every evening) that could be of similar weight.
OGLittlePickerWithTheMassiveKnickers · 02/09/2022 09:06
YABU. Getting him do the school just on principle is pointlessly mean. I’d understand if you both got home late, but only he does. You should do school run.
And if you’re frustrated by finances could you not get a job? Both kids are at school, so there’s no reason not to and then you can both share house tasks.
mattressspring · 02/09/2022 09:07
When you say he’s not fully financially supporting you, do you mean he’s giving part of his salary to you as his family and another part of it he keeps? That’s being unreasonable,
It's not unreasonable at all. In fact it's completely normal for couples to work this way. Some put X amount into the pot and their savings then have what's left to spend. Others put it all in, set bill and savings aside and split what's left.
Are you suggesting he should t be giving up all of his wage to a woman who has no job, for no reason?
Foodylicious · 02/09/2022 09:07
Does your elder child go to school?
You don't say either way. What do you have to do between 9am and 3pm.
I think it's unfair that OH 'just' works and doesn't do anything else, but he is working 60 hours a week if working 5 x 12hr days.
I don't think its unreasonable of you to expect more of him when he's not working, so maybe a bit of housework some days before he heads off to work. But I do think its unreasonable for you to not do the school run in the morning. Surely you are up at that time anyway getting both kids ready etc before school? I don't think I could feel good watching him get up every day on less sleep and then do the school run, then get back sit about tired for a couple of hours before he goes to work.
There are however plenty of families who manage everything you describe having to do, as a solo parent (either stay at home like you, or working), and plenty in a situation similar to yours where both parents work full time.
I'm not saying its easy, but they manage,
and perhaps have to have different priorities re not keeping totally on top of laundry etc.
Is it really the school run itself that bothers you, or is it his working hours and his 'choice' to be so absent from family life/you?
I can understand that, but I think its something else that has to give.
Maybe how he interacts with the family on his days off, maybe can you (as a family) afford for him to work one less day?
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 09:08
He has one day off a week. Mainly spent asleep but will pick up son on this day from school.
If he doesn’t take his son to school then he wouldn’t see him in person at all during the week as he would be asleep when our son wakes and wouldn’t be home until our son is asleep. He would then only see his dad face to face on a weekend if we were home by the time he wakes up ( normally I have them out doing fun stuff ) …
on his one day off he is here with us he doesn’t go out to see friends…
maybe I need to compromise and offer to do some of the morning school runs but I don’t feel it’s okay to do them all
RedHelenB · 02/09/2022 09:09
mountainsunsets · 02/09/2022 08:38
Sorry but I do think if you're the SAHP then you should be doing the school runs. If he doesn't get home from work until gone midnight he must be exhausted.
This. You have 5 hours a day to yourself while the kids ate at school, plenty of time to do the life admin, go to the gym, meet up with other mums, tidy up etc.
If he's not getting in until 12. 30 he'll probably not sleep until at least an hour after that. You're awake anyway presumably?
Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 02/09/2022 09:09
YABU so you get to be child free during school hours? While he works every hour available.
And you're bitching about the school run? Yes you do the chores. That's your job. He can't do much of them because the only hours available to him are to sleep.
Many couples have a partner working similarly and have to work full time and do the household shit.
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