AIBU?
Expecting HIM to do school run?
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:36
Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..
I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.
We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.
He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .
I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.
The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .
some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.
I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …
Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?
Am I being unreasonable?
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Moonlaserbearwolf · 02/09/2022 08:47
As he works so late, he shouldn't have to get up for the morning school run. He wouldn't be getting enough sleep!
But your life definitely needs some reorganisation. What do you mean when you say your DH doesn't pay for you as a family unit? How do you afford to live? We could probably give you some suggestions if you could give us a bit more information. DH needs to help out more at home, but this doesn't sound like the morning school run is the answer.
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:49
If he doesn’t do the school run then basically he is doing one thing a week in the house - the bin. He isn’t carrying our whole family on his back financially, he makes a contribution to the household, so for me I’m thinking he has to do something to benefit me !
Technically he doesn’t actually start working until 1pm and then the shop closes at 11pm but by the time it’s shut down and he’s home it’s 12.30-am
I get no lay in during the week, weekends or holidays . All childcare is down to me . He doesn’t have to do them every holiday/ weekends but I still have to do my things
glamourousindierockandroll · 02/09/2022 08:49
I don't get the financial set up either. If he's doing nothing with the children and only paying a contribution then he sounds more like a lodger than a partner.
I agree that it's a bit unfair for him to do all the school runs, unless it's voluntary but the fundamental aspect of the "SAHP does everything in the home" set up is that the working parent pays for everything.
chilliesandspices · 02/09/2022 08:49
That's a very long working day. I'd be knackered if I was doing the same hours. I think it would be better for you to do the school run. Look at other family responsibilities that he can take over to ease the load without needing to get up early or splitting the morning school runs so he has at least a couple of days to sleep in.
mattressspring · 02/09/2022 08:50
If he doesn’t do the school run then basically he is doing one thing a week in the house - the bin.
So change that. He can do other things, it's not school run or nothing.
He isn’t carrying our whole family on his back financially, he makes a contribution to the household, so for me I’m thinking he has to do something to benefit me !
What income do you bring?
mattressspring · 02/09/2022 08:51
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:50
My sen child has just started walking by himself . He leaves around 15 mins before my youngest leaves . It’s early days for him walking to his sen school …
So the addition of the SEN child in the OP was completely irrelevant but given for sympathy to make people think it was a difficult school run when in fact the SEN child has no part in that.
YellowTreeHouse · 02/09/2022 08:52
YABU and lazy. There’s no reason you shouldn’t do it and lots he shouldn’t.
You are a SAHP. He is working over 12 hours a day.
It doesn’t matter that you don’t like them, that’s irrelevant. And if I were him I wouldn’t be hinting, I would be straight up telling you that you are the SAHP and you would be doing it.
ChocoDoodle · 02/09/2022 08:53
mattressspring · 02/09/2022 08:50
If he doesn’t do the school run then basically he is doing one thing a week in the house - the bin.
So change that. He can do other things, it's not school run or nothing.
He isn’t carrying our whole family on his back financially, he makes a contribution to the household, so for me I’m thinking he has to do something to benefit me !
What income do you bring?
My guess is child maintenance for the eldest, the one the DH is taking to school
YellowTreeHouse · 02/09/2022 08:53
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:52
Yes I’m a carer to my Sen child but both my children are at school between 9am-3pm. I do not work outside the home I work hard inside the home
Your “working hard in the home” is stuff everyone else has to do while also holding down part/full one jobs.
Sunnyqueen · 02/09/2022 08:54
Yabu yeah. When you said he doesn't get him ready only drives him I assumed he was driving him on the way to work which was fair enough. But he's not starting work till 11 so that means he's only get up at 8ish to do school run after doing 13 hour days every day. You are being kind of lazy tbh. No one hates the school run more than I do but it has to be done.
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:54
mattressspring · 02/09/2022 08:51
So the addition of the SEN child in the OP was completely irrelevant but given for sympathy to make people think it was a difficult school run when in fact the SEN child has no part in that.
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:50
My sen child has just started walking by himself . He leaves around 15 mins before my youngest leaves . It’s early days for him walking to his sen school …
No I didn’t mention my sen child for sympathy. I mentioned them as they are part of my family and the morning unit …. They have just started walking to school at 15 years old . The school is 7 mins walk away. He is supported on the walk via mobile phone …
KnickerlessParsons · 02/09/2022 08:55
I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.
Most people manage school runs PLUS everything else you mentioned.
If you really want everything to be equal, get a job and take the pressure off your DH. THEN you can split the daily chores equally too.
NewYorkLassie · 02/09/2022 08:55
He works hard but he has no other responsibilities. He completely gets to focus there because I carry everything here
Or, you don’t have to work because he works hard to financially provide for the whole family.
I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous as a SAHP objecting about doing the school run.
If he doesn’t pull his weight in other ways that’s a separate matter. But this is literally your job.
Ponderingwindow · 02/09/2022 08:56
I would expect him to do multiple other tasks tunes that allowed him to get a full nights sleep. He isn’t asking for a lie-in. He is asking for a full sleep.
he shouldn’t be allowed to opt out of family life though. He should be contributing in other ways.
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:56
NewYorkLassie · 02/09/2022 08:55
He works hard but he has no other responsibilities. He completely gets to focus there because I carry everything here
Or, you don’t have to work because he works hard to financially provide for the whole family.
I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous as a SAHP objecting about doing the school run.
If he doesn’t pull his weight in other ways that’s a separate matter. But this is literally your job.
He is not fully financially supporting us as a unit . Maybe if he did then I wouldn’t feel so bitter about doing it all…
SoupDragon · 02/09/2022 08:57
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:56
He is not fully financially supporting us as a unit . Maybe if he did then I wouldn’t feel so bitter about doing it all…
NewYorkLassie · 02/09/2022 08:55
He works hard but he has no other responsibilities. He completely gets to focus there because I carry everything here
Or, you don’t have to work because he works hard to financially provide for the whole family.
I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous as a SAHP objecting about doing the school run.
If he doesn’t pull his weight in other ways that’s a separate matter. But this is literally your job.
So where is the rest of the support coming from?
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