AIBU?
Expecting HIM to do school run?
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:36
Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..
I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.
We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.
He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .
I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.
The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .
some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.
I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …
Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Crunchingleaf · 02/09/2022 09:37
The husband should still be parenting and spending time with his child no matter how many hours he works. The school drop off sounds like the only thing he does for the child. Maybe he needs to figure out an alternative to the school drop off if he doesn’t want to continue doing it.
ThePastafarian · 02/09/2022 09:38
he also doesn’t have the worry of being the full provider for his family . I am the main provider.
Could you explain this? How are you providing? It seems weird that he's working such a difficult, family-friendly job if you're actually the main provider. I'm all for SAHP being treated as valuable contributers, but the trade-off with not having to juggle paid work is that that you take the bulk of the domestic and child stuff. You each get to concentrate on one thing only.
xyzandabc · 02/09/2022 09:40
YABVU. He already does 1 school run on his day off. What you are proposing would see him doing 6 school runs while being out the house 80+ hours a week, while you, as the SAHP, only do 4.
You would be waking him and cutting in to his sleep time for him to do this while you are already up anyway. That's just not fair.
If you want him to do more than just the bins, look at other things he could do, say from 10-11am when he gets up, he could run the hoover round once a week, or do the breakfast dishes. However with him working as many hours as he does, I really wouldn't be expecting him to do much at home at all.
If he's not able to support the family on these crazy hours, that's a whole other issue. Perhaps the viability of his business needs to be looked at. Would he actually be better off with a better work life balance, less exhausted, more time with the family if he changed career or got another job?
You seem to be saying that financially you are the main breadwinner despite being a SAHP. If that's the case and you don't need DH income, then can you/he rearrange things so that he doesn't need to work so many hours? As long term, 13 hour days 6 days a week is not sustainable for anyone.
In short, you need to do the school runs.
Mulhollandmagoo · 02/09/2022 09:41
Orchidflower1 · 02/09/2022 09:23
I don’t get how you’re the main provider @Brighton5555 - sorry if I’ve missed that but how are you the main wage earner if you’re a sahp?
is there something else that’s not been mentioned?
No, not missed anything - I also don't understand how the OP is the main provider.
If we knew this we would be better placed to tell you if you're being unreasonable OP.
Bobbins36 · 02/09/2022 09:42
Readinginthesun · 02/09/2022 09:40
How can you be the main provider if you don’t work ?
Was it the money she found in the charity shop handbag?? 😂😂 this OP is off her trolley 😂😂 www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4490528-Found-money-what-should-I-do
Travis1 · 02/09/2022 09:42
Having worked in these kind of takeaway shops(chip shops/Chinese/kebabs) a lot in my late teens/early twenties YANBU at all. So many of the guys used to joke about not having to bother doing anything at home and treated their wives like utter shit.
and I’d bet money on ops husband having more downtime than her. Yeah the shops have busy periods but it is not constant all night. Especially midweek shifts. They were a price of piss and I was going in after working all day in my full time role.
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 09:46
Yeah it’s a new business nearly at one year old. It’s not making profit and he has a lot of debt . He is working hard I have never said he isn’t but I do feel that because he does so little that removing the school run will take away the ONLY opportunity he sees his child and will remove the only helpful thing he actually contributes .
i am the main provider because his shop doesn’t make money, we do not benefit from it in any way. He used to have a job and make a wage , now it’s about survival for him.
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 09:47
Travis1 · 02/09/2022 09:42
Having worked in these kind of takeaway shops(chip shops/Chinese/kebabs) a lot in my late teens/early twenties YANBU at all. So many of the guys used to joke about not having to bother doing anything at home and treated their wives like utter shit.
and I’d bet money on ops husband having more downtime than her. Yeah the shops have busy periods but it is not constant all night. Especially midweek shifts. They were a price of piss and I was going in after working all day in my full time role.
THANK YOU ! you get it !
girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 09:47
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 09:46
Yeah it’s a new business nearly at one year old. It’s not making profit and he has a lot of debt . He is working hard I have never said he isn’t but I do feel that because he does so little that removing the school run will take away the ONLY opportunity he sees his child and will remove the only helpful thing he actually contributes .
i am the main provider because his shop doesn’t make money, we do not benefit from it in any way. He used to have a job and make a wage , now it’s about survival for him.
Where does your money come from?
I thought he made monthly contributions
BattenburgDonkey · 02/09/2022 09:47
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 09:46
Yeah it’s a new business nearly at one year old. It’s not making profit and he has a lot of debt . He is working hard I have never said he isn’t but I do feel that because he does so little that removing the school run will take away the ONLY opportunity he sees his child and will remove the only helpful thing he actually contributes .
i am the main provider because his shop doesn’t make money, we do not benefit from it in any way. He used to have a job and make a wage , now it’s about survival for him.
But you do not have a job so how are you the main provider?
SunlightThroughTrees · 02/09/2022 09:47
OP I don’t understand what you mean when you say he’s not fully financially supporting the family? Are you saying that you have a separate private income?
I think YABU as a SAHM to only school aged children. If you had babies/toddlers at home to look after too my response would be different, but the time when the children are at school should be when you get the cleaning, shopping, life admin done. You could prepare dinner during that time too.
Its not fair that you never get a lie in or time to yourself though. So I would ensure that you get a lie in on one of his days off. And I would build in time for yourself whilst the DC are at school to do an exercise class or whatever else you would like to do.
maddening · 02/09/2022 09:48
Sorry, how much does he earn? How much does he put into the family unit of those earnings? What is happening to the rest of the money?
You say you are the main provider? Do you have an income also?
Tbh if I was not earning to allow a partner to focus on their career I would expect to share equally their income as in it would be family money, but then I would expect to be doing all the school runs.
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