Expecting HIM to do school run?

[Brighton5555]

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..

I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.

We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.

He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .

I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.

The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .

some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.

I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …

Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

[user1496146479]

@Givemethereins

Wow I'm so shocked to see the utter disregard for the huge workload of the poster as a sth mother and the utter lack of responsibility the hisband is expected to take. The level of bitterness and one sided response makes me cringe. Why is it ok to expect her to carry the whole family the way the poster does, with NO relief, no breaks, no time off!?
Where is the shared responsibility for childcare? Where is the shared workload of a partnership?
He's laughing all the way to the bank. AND your kids don't have a father.
If he.wants to relinquish all drop offs then he better start paying YOU for them. I.would demand he put a substantial more money into you and the family.
Good luck OP I think you need a review and a big conversation about this whole set-up.

She has five days a week with children in school to 'take a break'
I don't think we need to bring out the violins based on the information provided!

[TinselTinsel]

@Brighton5555 YANBU. As a SAHM, yes you do the brunt of housework, childcare, this doesn't mean the other parent does none!!
I'm not scrolling back up but I'm pretty sure it was not in the actual OP that you provide most of the finances for the family, it was further down the thread that i first read it and I do think you would have got more support had it been there in the OP as many don't read the full thread.
Either way, a working parent shouldn't skive off the rest of lifes responsibilities because they have a job . If that was the case, single working parents and 2 parent working families would live in a shit hole!

[Delatron]

So we’re accepting it’s ok that the DH never sees his children in the week? Or spends an evening at home with his wife? I know that’s the situation with some men but they are the main breadwinner so have to do that.

The DH is choosing to work such hours that he can opt out of family life. Apart from the bins! I don’t think that is ok. Regardless of any hostility towards the OP, the father never being around is not a good set up…

[KettrickenSmiled]

So we’re accepting it’s ok that the DH never sees his children in the week?

No.
It''s been suggested several times that OP does some stints in the business while her H does some school runs / spends some time with the DC / gets the bloody hoover out / whatever.

But she hasn't responded to any of them.
Because she's not after a solution, she's after a pile-on to her H.

[bluesky45]

Why does he stay in bed til half 10 and then work til half 12? He could take Ds to school, start work 2hrs earlier than he is doing and come home earlier. He's making it harder work than it needs to be.

[KettrickenSmiled]

He could take Ds to school, start work 2hrs earlier than he is doing and come home earlier.

And thereby miss 2 hours of trading?
Shopkeepers need to be open for peak demand.

It's also only the summer holidays when he's been getting up as late as 10:30. No doubt he'll be back to his usual time next week.

[mandalala]

What is the point of a husband who sleeps in until 10.30 or thereabouts. Goes off at 12pm and is not seen again until 12am. This is six days a week. All those hours just to pay.... his own living costs (and a marginal financial contribution to the rest of the family). And does NOTHING with his kids or his wife and sod all around the house - except.., the bin once a week.

I feel as if MN is a parallel universe. "The poor, hardworking DH" indeed. What is wrong with people?

[SecondhandTable]

@KettrickenSmiled

So we’re accepting it’s ok that the DH never sees his children in the week?

No.
It''s been suggested several times that OP does some stints in the business while her H does some school runs / spends some time with the DC / gets the bloody hoover out / whatever.

But she hasn't responded to any of them.
Because she's not after a solution, she's after a pile-on to her H.

Why on earth would OP want to voluntarily work in a business venture that she never really supported or wanted in the first place, when she is already contributing financially to the family more than her husband? If her husband wants to sack off a decent paying secure job that was supporting his family, to start his own business that currently makes no money and takes him away from his young children for most of the week, that's on him. He can't reasonably expect his wife to start doing unpaid shifts there when she never wanted the business in the first place. Absolutely flabbergasted that anyone would even suggest that as a reasonable option

[sidewayswalking]

Why on earth would OP want to voluntarily work in a business venture that she never really supported or wanted in the first place, when she is already contributing financially to the family more than her husband?

She put his 50% of start up funds into the business so should have an interest in it. She is possibly contributing more because she has another child so her 'share' is more.

[Scottsy100]

Just another entitled Man child who feels his wife should bear the entire load, he needs to wake up

[Cuckoooooo]

YABU
I used to work until 10.30pm and it was so hard to get up the next morning for the school run, I had to because there was nobody else to do it.
If your DH is working until 12.30am then it must take him an hour or more to wind down and go to sleep, probably not getting to sleep until 2am ish? he must only be getting 5-6 hours sleep every night. That's not healthy.

Why don't you do the school run but ask DH to do some other jobs before he leaves the house? Eg he could push the hoover around, wash pots / dishwasher? That's more than reasonable.

also, most working parents also do all the jobs you mentioned on top of working. I care for my disabled son 24/7, whilst also doing the school runs (for my non disabled child), cleaning, household admin etc and also manage to work a full time job from home (whilst caring for my son). I'm not making it out to be a competition of who does the most but that's just life, being a parent is busy, tiring work.

[Singingloudforalltohear]

@Brighton5555 As I see it, your husband has a business that doesn’t really make any money which leaves you to single handedly look after the kids and home.

It’s not just about the school run. It’s about whether the whole set up is viable or sustainable.

Never really seeings his kids to run a business that doesn’t fund the family is a vanity project on my view.

A serious chat is needed in my view.

[Basilthymerosemary]

Short term the business may not make enough money... that's how most businesses work. Whats to say in 5 years time the business is making good profits that allow more family time, more financial security?
I assume that the OP wasn't ignorant of the business so she can't say it came out of the blue and just suddenly appeared one day. They must have discussed it and she must have been ok with it to begin with...

And they are obviously ok money wise as OP says she's the main contributor to finance...
The post was moaning about her OH not doing drop offs as she doesn't get a break.... BUT the kids are in school... so she does have a break 5 days a week....

[SunnyD44]

Just another entitled Man child who feels his wife should bear the entire load, he needs to wake up

How is she baring the entire load.
She’s a SAHP with school aged children.

Why doesn’t she get a job and her DP get become a SAHP then see how posters feel about him not wanting to do the school run.

[KettrickenSmiled]

Why on earth would OP want to voluntarily work in a business venture that she never really supported or wanted in the first place
A business she said she was instrumental in starting up, & put 50% of the marketing & behind the scenes work into when it was set up.

She might not want to work in the business.
But she also doesn't want to be doing 100% of the childcare & domestic burden, so she needs to change something. She says she wants her DH home more, & more present for the family. This would help her achieve that.

He can't reasonably expect his wife to start doing unpaid shifts there when she never wanted the business in the first place. Absolutely flabbergasted that anyone would even suggest that as a reasonable option.
Most people who'd ploughed 50% of the start up costs into a new venture would WANT to be hands on in it. Or at least interested in its success, & putting in some effort to make it viable.

[lickenchugget]

Why on earth would OP want to voluntarily work in a business venture that she never really supported or wanted in the first place
A business she said she was instrumental in starting up, & put 50% of the marketing & behind the scenes work into when it was set up.

This. And also that it’s as business in which the OP feels qualified to have a say in who they can/cannot hire

[Brigante9]

How is the takeaway not yet making a profit? Set up costs? Will it make a profit soon? Not producing an income from it yet working 12 hours a day never seeing his kids is shit.

[cannockcandy]

My OH is a chef and works long long shifts. In general I do 3 drop offs a week and he does 2, but only if he hasn't got to sleep too late. He gets home most times around 11pm and then eats and unwinds and once that's all done you're looking at him getting to bed between 1am and 3am depending on how stressful his day has been and if he needs a full shower or just a quick wash! He also does the big bin, and I do most of the cleaning. BUT he is working his butt off! Same as your OH! Please respect the work he does the same as the work you do!

[cherish123]

Of course you should do both. You are not working. You may not like it but that's part of parenting. If my DS wasn't working and didn't want to do drop offs I'd be annoyed and I would not just hint!

[bluesapphire48]

Why should his wife be a slave? What's he withholding his money for? Another woman?

[nannykatherine]

He gets home from work at 12.30 am AND you expect him up and out the door for school runs for 8.15 ??????????
he probably gets 6 hours
sleep max
so unless you want a burned out dead husband I would let him sleep in and do the school run yourself …

[CatsnCoffee]

I agree with @Drinkingpop , but I would also be concerned about someone who has had so little sleep taking responsibility for driving the DC to school.
I would give your DH a list of jobs (daily or weekly) that he can fulfil during quiet periods at work, such as calling dentist to make child’s appointment, paying a bill, answering some correspondence or scheduling a grocery delivery. Presumably, all these are part of OPs admin role but could be shared.

[mandalala]

Er ... many people go to bed at 12 and getting up at 7.30 is hardly remarkable. I've been doing that for about 30 years - in fact , I usually get up at 6.30. OP herself says she goes to bed at 12am by the time she's finished - as do billions of SAHMs and women in general, I would imagine. . I suppose they should all get lie-ins too until 10.30 every day. Blimey- no wonder this country is in the state it's in. I have never seen such a load of namby-pamby men excusers in my life. What about women who are up regularly through the night with babies and toddlers. Nobody gives a hoot snd they still have to get into work.

When I worked shifts I used to get in at 1am and be out again by 6.30 the next morning. Nobody considered that any great exceptional feat and neither did I. When my DH started as an options trader in the city, he used to be out at 5am and would often come back at 9pm or later. That was standard. Never mind that, some people used to have to commute into London and that added hours on to their day. But at least if they had a SAHM at home with the kids to make their family life easier, they were actually financially supporting those families - and then some. Otherwise what is the point?

The way people carry on on here, you would think any man who manages to get out of bed and brush his teeth deserves a knighthood. This thread is a joke.

[OldFan]

But I’m supposing he’s earning good money for you to have a good life

Doesn't look like it, really.

The idea of a SAHM having to do absolutely everything for the home and family, I though most of us on here thought was old school nowadays, and we expect the bloke to chip in at home.

--
People saying 'I'm a single mum and I work and do everything'- well, the point is OP is supposed to be in a marriage, she's not a single mum.

[Cuckoooooo]

Er ... many people go to bed at 12 and getting up at 7.30 is hardly remarkable.

going to bed at 12 and getting in from work at 12.30am are two completely different things, it's pretty impossible to get in from work, collapse in bed and go straight to sleep. Neither myself or any of my colleagues who work late shifts are able to do that, you need to unwind first, it'll be at least 2am before he's getting to sleep. Sleeping from 2am-7am is not enough sleep. If it was a man expecting the same of his wife everyone would be calling him all sorts of names.