My feed

to access all these features


Expecting HIM to do school run?

771 replies

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:36

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..

I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.

We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.

He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .

I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.

The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .

some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.

I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …

Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Delatron · 03/09/2022 19:39

And the poster who said the OP is in a precarious position. RTT. She’s the main breadwinner. He runs a loss making business and has lots of debts. She’s not the one in a precarious position…

Macon · 03/09/2022 19:39

Dotjones · 02/09/2022 08:39

As the SAHP you should be doing the school run. The home admin stuff like this is the trade off for not having to earn your living in paid work.

Absolutely agree with this.

I was a SAHM for 20 years, btw.

Delatron · 03/09/2022 19:41

The DH is not earning any money though….

Tomitma111 · 03/09/2022 19:50

Jeez you really need a kick up the arse. Get the kids to school yourself

LuftBalloons · 03/09/2022 19:51

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:41

He is not financially supporting us as a unit. He pays me a monthly contribution. This is not a set up of that he is paying for all of my needs

You should be doing most of the school runs. He’s working a 12 hour day.

But the money things sounds like it’s the real issue.

BloodyCamping · 03/09/2022 19:58

i think you should do all the school runs, get home, have breakfast together once home, he then could clean away everyone’s breakfast things to help out.

before their bedtime he could FaceTime his kids. Daily.

sidewayswalking · 03/09/2022 19:59

I'm not sure why he should be paying for all OPs 'needs' when OP has her own money.

There is a 40/60 split in household contribution. I don't actually see what is so wrong with OP paying her way. She is choosing to be a SAHP and is bitter because her husband won't pay for her to do so when she can afford it herself. Good on him.

Told reversal here would = cocklodger.

OP can afford to pay her way so she should do just that.

He can do more then take the bloody bins out, of course; but when you choose to be a SAHP you essentially choose to do the school run.

sidewayswalking · 03/09/2022 20:00

*role reversal

Bellsbeachwaves · 03/09/2022 20:03

I know you work on looking after kids etc. That's labour for sure.

But I'm wondering if you could work outside the home too. Is it time out you're looking for that could even things up a bit? I've been a sahm and it's no fun at times. I'm now 'working' outside the home and it's such a great thing.

I get you somehow have money which is great but I'm wondering if it's your day to day that is annoying you so can you get out there a little more.

I think it's easy for the parent who w outside the home to not do as much housework/ childcare as they could if the other one is at home more. I mean come on, how many times do we see the woman working but different fewer hours and therefore picking up more/ too much childcare/laundry etc than they actually should

Bellsbeachwaves · 03/09/2022 20:05

I mean solution= don't be a sahp don't do school run

I'm trying to think if just because you've got cash sloshing about you shouldn't have to do lion's share of school run

Interesting one

sidewayswalking · 03/09/2022 20:07

I'm trying to think if just because you've got cash sloshing about you shouldn't have to do lion's share of school run

No because money is largely irrelevant. If you choose to be a SAHP you literally stay at home to parent. That parenting involves school runs.

Bellsbeachwaves · 03/09/2022 20:09

@sidewayswalking yes I think you're right. I think an answer for the OP would be not to be a sahp

GoTeamRocket · 03/09/2022 20:18

Ponderingwindow · 02/09/2022 08:56

I would expect him to do multiple other tasks tunes that allowed him to get a full nights sleep. He isn’t asking for a lie-in. He is asking for a full sleep.

he shouldn’t be allowed to opt out of family life though. He should be contributing in other ways.

This. I think YANBU to want him to contribute more to family life. But, doing the school run after limited sleep seems a bit harsh.

He needs to give more, whether thst ge money or time.

knittingaddict · 03/09/2022 20:20

mandalala · 03/09/2022 18:49

I think this thread has been hijacked by MRAs or whatever they call themselves Sad little men.

That's a cheap shot to shut down opinions that don't agree with your own. Not exactly a winning argument is it?

For your info I am most certainly a fat, middle aged, exhausted woman, who was a sahm for a few years. The only awful thing about being a sahm is the mind numbing boredom, not the overwork. Especially when all your children are at school.

Livinginanotherworld · 03/09/2022 20:27

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:50

My sen child has just started walking by himself . He leaves around 15 mins before my youngest leaves . It’s early days for him walking to his sen school …

So what do you do all day when they are at school ?

Frances658 · 03/09/2022 20:31

He's been at work until 12.30am, of course he shouldn't be doing the 8.15am school run, when you can do it. If you think he's not pulling his weight (although as a SAHP you surely accept you need to do most of the childcare/housework), ask him to do something else, but the morning school run is completely unreasonable.

Brighton5555 · 03/09/2022 20:32

DanielTheGhostGangbanger · 03/09/2022 19:25

This was my immediate thought too.

I read the child is 15 and the school less than 10 minute walk away, but I know many, many SEN children who would never be capable of this. Including my own.

A SEN child capable of walking to school on their own really doesn't warrant special consideration in the OP.

It's a red herring but obviously included to trigger the sympathy card. I despise SEN children being used in this way. Their disability is not there to be abused by their mother who's seeking ass pats for how amazing she thinks she is.

This is probs the most vile comment I’ve had … don’t be so narrow minded to compare all sen children the same . I have not specified his sen needs … because he can walk to his sen school he can’t be that disabled ? Oh shit the F**k up

OP posts:
Mumoftoomanygirls · 03/09/2022 20:36

So he has a new business he is trying to make viable it an extremely difficult climate for small businesss, works 6 days a week at 13+ hours, contributes 40% of the finances even though his business is not making a profit yet, but your going on about you being the one supporting the family financially, like he’s doing absolutely nothing🤔

I think you are definitely being very unreasonable about making him do the school runs. It sounds like you are just using excuses about why he can’t spend time with his son, so the shops boring, is it really that hard for you to pop in with your DS occasionally while the business is getting up and running, or not take DS out on DHs days off, or arrange fun activities around DH waking up?

im a SAHM and don’t let my DH get away with not contributing to the house and DCs even though he 100% supports us financially, but I’d never dream of forcing him to get up to do the school run under these circumstances.

Cheesewiz · 03/09/2022 20:47

Yabu, your a sahp who doesn't have young children to look after all day, your children are in school 9-3 5 days a week, you should most definitely be doing the ALL the school drop off and pick ups.

Lollipop25 · 03/09/2022 20:48

When does he spend time with his child? Not much work/life balance. Annndddd I absolutely agree that he should do the school run, having a job does not mean everything else including parenting is left to the other parent. Being a SAHP is just as hard , actually harder, than a full time job outside the home. There is no clocking off.

StarCourt · 03/09/2022 20:52

@Caroffee OP said she does Adult Work and doesn't work
Outside the home.
So presumably she does chat/cam/only fans or similar while the DC are at school

sidewayswalking · 03/09/2022 20:53

StarCourt · 03/09/2022 20:52

@Caroffee OP said she does Adult Work and doesn't work
Outside the home.
So presumably she does chat/cam/only fans or similar while the DC are at school

Op did not say this at all.

Darbs76 · 03/09/2022 20:54

I think you should do it, sorry. If I was working until that time of night and my partner didn’t do any paid work I’d be annoyed if I had to do the school run too

IvyM · 03/09/2022 20:55

You’re not wrong at all and neither are you crazy. Raising children is a full time job, just like any other job outside the. Consequently house keeping should be shared 50/50. I find that my maternity leave was the hardest period of my life, taking care of a baby is so much harder than my 9-5 office job.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/09/2022 21:02

Raising children is a full time job

I can’t think of any other full time jobs where you get 6 hours off a day 5 days a week.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.