To think he is a prick or am I being petulant.

[deeplydisappointed]

Granted , I'm exhausted and hormones are fucked so I didn't say much on our two hour journey in the car.
We have arrived at our destination , a pretty town renowned for its food and atmosphere and are staying ina. Stunning hotel.
We have business to attend to in this town tomorrow.
My partner and I are together for the last two years. We don't live together but spend every weekend together.
We both have kids and full time work etc.
For the last year, he has been coming to mine as he essentially lost his home to divorce and rents are so astronomical that firstly a house cannot be got and secondly , he couldn't afford one for himself and his kids, on top of maintenance etc.
He lives with family for now.
So he has come to mine every weekend.
This is not a problem. I loathe to leave my home at weekends when my kids are at their dads and my partner and we split costs well.
I do crave a weekend away or a holiday but for many reasons that I won't go into, it's not possible. He is presently unwell.

So we are here and when we get here, despite staying in a stunning room in a stunning town, he lays on the bed and flicks on the tv. I also lay on the bed. I'm wrecked and again very unbalanced hormonally.
He passed some comments when I got excited about being here , to the effect of ... it's only a bed/ hotel room.

We're not even paying for it .. company card!

I felt he was a fun sponge and said it.
I said a few hours ago that i wasn't hungry right then when he asked about dinner plans.
Then after nine, I asked what we'd do for dinner.
He announced that the bar was closed( for food)
He knew this, I didn't .
He doesn't have a great appetite right now.
We had an argument.
He suggested I take his car and drive up town to get food for myself.
I feel like finishing with him.
The thoughtlessness, the selfishness and the pure self absorption.
I just want to go home but we have to stay for this event tomorrow .
AIBU ?

So he's got a sickness that 'like ME' and you're going through menopause with medication that's not working.

The weekend didn't really stand a chance, did it?

I honestly don't see the issue. If anyone is being the drama queen here, it rather sounds like you.

He turned on the tv when you arrived. So? If he drove, he's probably tired. I get tired and over-stimulated after driving decent distances to unknown places. I can understand the need for a bit of zoning out time.

He asked about dinner plans at a sensible dinner time. You said you weren't hungry.
You say he's not well and doesn't have much appetite, so he was mentioning it for your benefit, rather than his own.
Then at 9pm you announce that you're hungry, and now blaming him for lack of options. You were daft to assume that a hotel restaurant in a small town would still be seating people for dinner at 9:15 (by the time you'd have both got your act together to get out the room and downstairs) on a random Thursday.

It's not his responsibility to inform you of the restaurant opening hours on the off-chance that you'll suddenly change your mind. Presumably you had access to the same information as him.

Just hop in the car and go to McDonalds, or ask at the front desk if there's a good takeaway nearby.

It sounds like, socially, you two aren't very well-suited.

I've read all the replies and thank you all.
I am constantly hosting him for weekends.
He is generous and cleans up after meals.
I am tired. I still have a home to run on my
Own.

I have basically nursed him back to relatively good health and he has started to take me for granted but I've allowed this.
I cared for him because I love him and wanted him to get better.
I thought that when he got better, we would revert to our norm.

We are now at a stage where, despite well on the road home to full recovery , he remains as apathetic and disinterested in life.
Our weekends revolve around food,tv, sleep, visiting family and friends now and again and sex.

Every single plan we made over the last six months was shelved so hardly any socialising, flights, concerts, sports events; occasions we previously enjoyed very much.

I am bloody exhausted from caring for him and My kids and work and that's not being ' all about me' .
He too has his issues but this thread is about me being petulant or him being selfish and expectant in this situation.
I wanted a break, some romance, him to take the lead but once again, I've been let down.

As a pp asked.. who is looking after me?
Answer is nobody , including
Me.

I see both sides of this situation. My ex never showed any enthusiasm or excitement when we went on vacation. To him it was like any other day and if I didn’t facilitate things then we wouldn’t do much. It always brought me down as I wanted to vacay with someone just as into it as me.

however over the years I’ve been battling MH and medics issues and now I just can’t drum up the energy to do much or care much for anything. I’d prob go on vacation and be happy to just sit and do nothing as trying to be happy and into it would be too daring for me.

Have you actually sat down and had an open conversation with him about this? His illness could have left him with depression or some kind of trauma response. In the situation in the hotel you described I think you were the unreasonable one but you’re not unreasonable to want to to do more together/want more from the relationship in general. Like many things, it could be solved with communication. Perhaps he needs some therapy?

So excited that you made no dinner plans, told him you weren't hungry when he asked about dinner plans, didn't bother to find out when food was served, and then went mental at him because when you finally decided you would eat the bar wasn't serving anymore....

We are finished our work. We were due to spend the weekend at a friends house on our own.
He is not speaking to me and says he has nothing to say to me.
I asked if he wanted to go back to his family's home as I didn't want to be stonewalled for the weekend and he said he did so he has driven me home and left without a word said. He has form for this.

Time for a serious rethink and a long break.

You could have got a takeaway to pick up or delivered or room service if the hotel offered it.

It sounds to me as though the relationship is over given the way you have been talking about him. He's been ill and is slowly making a recovery. You should have made arrangements before you got to the hotel instead of a fluid, nothing arranged that ultimately neither of you was satisfied with.

hes obviously just exhausted he did ask what you wanted for dinner you said you wasnt hungry

i eat about 6 maybe 7 unless youre on the continent thats about normal

I asked him on Wednesday and again yesterday if we should book dinner.
He said that we'd sort it when we got there.
He has/ had no interest in eating out, generally,

I wanted a break, some romance, him to take the lead but once again, I've been let down.

Fair enough - but did you communicate this to him?
It seems unlikely, as you passively sat in the car for 2 hours barely talking to him.

You need to either woman up, & tell him in clear terms what you want.
Or you need to dump him, & find a mind-reader for your next b/f.

Is that why he asked about dinner plans, you said you weren't hungry? Were you being petty because he wouldn't make plans when you had asked previously?

I was just sleepy in the car and so, quiet.
He knows I love romance but even to take the lead and be proactive on anything would satisfy me. He's not romantic whatsoever.
If I dont organise stuff, it's not done and that includes all his medical correspondence and work stuff since his illness.
I've been a fool.
Neglected my self and my own needs for his and then snapped when a relatively simple thing happened that demonstrates how much of a fool I've been and how taken for granted I am.
Entirely my own fault. I see that now.

And he did exactly as he promised you.
He asked if you wanted dinner, & you turned him down.
You really cannot twist this scenario into being his fault, no matter how hard you try.

This is concerning though -
He is not speaking to me and says he has nothing to say to me.
I asked if he wanted to go back to his family's home as I didn't want to be stonewalled for the weekend and he said he did so he has driven me home and left without a word said. He has form for this.

Nope. A once-off, after a piss-poor weekend of bad communication, sulking, petulance & mismatched expectations - just about ok.
But something he has regular form for?
Dump.
Find somebody more aligned to what you want to do with your leisure time.

At 730 we chatted about dinner. I said I didn't feel too hungry right then. He said he felt the same. We decided we'd sort something later so he watched the footie and I dozed off and the rest is history as they say...

He doesn’t like eating out. You said that was for social reasons, so it pre-dates his illness, right? So this whole evening was a set up waiting to happen, from both of you. You being cross he won’t eat out when you know he won’t, you then refusing to make dinner plans as you’re not hungry, but still wanting to get cross with him when you change your mind. Then disappearing for 2 hours after 9pm when you do go out, and him sulking about you sulking…

This one incident, you’re as bad as each other.

But from everything you’ve posted, saying this has happened before, this is just dead in the water 🤷🏻‍♀️ You don’t “need” to stay together for kids, you don’t have financial complications… just end it. Relationships are supposed to be fun.

I see the OP has just gone into stream of consciousness posts rather than answering questions.

What question would You like me to answer @SleeplessInEngland

No real answer but just to say
sorry to hear your weekend is ruined.
I do know exactly what you mean at the thought of booking a hotel for a few days when it's been a long time coming, no cooking, cleaning and once work was out of the way in your mind a planned relaxed weekend just doing as much or as little as you please only for it to turn out to be same shit different location.

Is this a financial thing? Is he saving for his own place?

We can only go on what you put on here OP, and you seem to have a romantic idea of your relationship in your head that isn't quite matched up in reality. You fell asleep as soon as you got there and yet you called him a fun sponge!

I do think that the weekend not going well was probably down to you in this instance, but the main problem is the unrealistic version of your relationship that you've got in your head that reality doesn't match up to. Do you only see him at weekends? Where did he live before he moved into his family home a year ago?

No not financial really but as he doesn't
Like eating out as a rule, it would be seen as a waste of money in his eyes.

He had his own apartment. It was bliss back then.
I did travel to see him for a break now and again and I loved it but the weekends are where I get time to sort my own home and domestic drudge so I happily stay at home and he joins me now.

A break from it all is a rare treat and I was so bloody looking forward to that.

Regardless of who’s a prick and who’s petulant I think you’re not compatible and the relationship has run it’s course.

You both need to find partners that make you happy.