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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s not fair you can’t have it all

151 replies

Julemba · 31/08/2022 21:12

It’s so shit, if you stay at home with your kids or work part time, society see’s you as nothing as so does your employer. If you have a great job and work full time you are a shit mum. So not fair

OP posts:
Original poster
Julemba · 31/08/2022 21:12

Any you have both?

OP posts:
Original poster
Julemba · 31/08/2022 21:13

Cant**

OP posts:
FreudayNight · 31/08/2022 21:14

No. I don’t have both. But YABU to have ever thought it was possible

Original poster
Julemba · 31/08/2022 21:17

Why would I be BU to think having both is impossible?

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 31/08/2022 21:18

I have a great job, work full time and have never been a shit mum.

Original poster
Julemba · 31/08/2022 21:18

The kids take up every single thought that I have, I have completely lost interest in my job, it is not my priority anymore but I also need to make money. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Smellywellyhoo · 31/08/2022 21:18

I don't think anyone has ever called me a shit mum because I work full time. My friends all work anyway so I don't really mix with anyone who would.

Smellywellyhoo · 31/08/2022 21:19

I'd give my life for my kids but I don't think about them all the time, no.

Original poster
Julemba · 31/08/2022 21:20

I feel overwhelmed, I cannot concentrate at work because I want to be at home. I never thought I would feel like this but I do.

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 31/08/2022 21:20

WFT
DC are happy and healthy
Don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks

RJnomore1 · 31/08/2022 21:20

Well you need to establish an identity that’s separate from your children, for their sake. That’s not healthy.

RJnomore1 · 31/08/2022 21:20

Do you have childcare you are confident in?

Camomila · 31/08/2022 21:21

I don't think it's impossible, I work full time and don't feel like I'm a shit mum.

Lots of dads work fulltime and no one is telling them they are shit dads.

Original poster
Julemba · 31/08/2022 21:21

Yes, nursery are really good but I miss them so much. I wish I could go part time! I worked so hard to be where I am and now it means nothing

OP posts:
Penguinfeather781 · 31/08/2022 21:22

I don’t think you need to “have it all” to be happy and live a fulfilling and contented life. I’m a SAHM (I also do a variety of volunteer roles, at least one of which is equivalent to an unpaid part time professional job), I don’t think society sees me as “nothing”, and if that’s what particular individuals think I don’t much care. I also know FT working parents who are doing a great job with their children. Just live your life and stop caring what everyone else supposedly thinks.

Original poster
Julemba · 31/08/2022 21:24

I want to get a different job and work part time I think? But I would be throwing a lot away in other peoples eyes. I really don’t care though, I don’t want to not work I just want to see my kids more.

OP posts:
FreudayNight · 31/08/2022 21:24

Julemba · 31/08/2022 21:17

Why would I be BU to think having both is impossible?

Because you can’t be in two places at once. There isn’t enough time to have it all.

RayneDance · 31/08/2022 21:24

I don't care at all What society or a boss thinks about me? They won't be thinking of me or the memories they have of me when I'm gone.

Surely our children and the memories and legacy we leave are the most important?

Rainbows89 · 31/08/2022 21:25

Julemba, it sounds like you are really struggling at the moment. Why don’t you tel us a bit
more about what is going on for you and maybe people can help?

are your kids still very young?

Original poster
Julemba · 31/08/2022 21:26

It’s so hard being a mum and making these decisions

OP posts:
Hoolahulahoop · 31/08/2022 21:28

The best arrangement for me was cutting down on work hours. Could that work for you. Agree that men do not have this guilt. It's society and your own self esteem doing this to you.

Mangocrazy1 · 31/08/2022 21:29

I work full time…I don’t feel like, nor consider myself shit mum. I love going to work, it’s good for me to go to work.

Stichintimesavesstapling · 31/08/2022 21:29

I work 50 hours a week in a good position. I'm a fabulous mother and spend lots of time with the DC. I don't have it all though because I burn the candle at both ends to fit it all in. My mental and physical health is in the toilet.

Original poster
Julemba · 31/08/2022 21:30

@Rainbows89 my kids are young and I do feel ok I’m just struggling making the decision to quit my career.

OP posts:
bakewellbride · 31/08/2022 21:31

I'm a sahm and couldn't give a shit what society thinks of me!

Also I have friends who are working mums and they are good mums, far from shit.