To think it’s not fair you can’t have it all

[Julemba]

It’s so shit, if you stay at home with your kids or work part time, society see’s you as nothing as so does your employer. If you have a great job and work full time you are a shit mum. So not fair

Well isn’t the issue that you don’t want to have it all? You want to give up your job/reduce your hours and become a SAHM. Which is a totally normal/reasonable thing to want to do. So just do that?

While I loved my time off on maternity leave and having kids definitely made my work seem less important than it did before, I don’t think I’m a shit employee and I certainly don’t think I’m a shit mum. I’m not saying it isn’t hard because it is! But I like my job and I like earning my own money so staying at home isn’t for me.

I suppose, if you want to go down this route then it’s also unfair that you can’t sit on your sofa all day eating nachos and also be an Olympic heptathlete.

Oh yes the thought of living off my already tight DH puts me off. We could afford for me to work PT as DH is on 65k, I would have to change jobs though to something more basic

It's perfectly possible to have both. I have both. As do several posters on this thread and millions of women around the country. It's more normal to have both than it is just to have one or the other. And yet this poisonous, regressive "you can't have it all" narrative still keeps rearing its ugly head. When did you ever hear a man being accused of trying to "have it all" by having children and a job?

@Julemba you are in the worst possible stage. I felt like this when my DD first went into childcare when I went back to work: exhausted, wracked with guilt and incapable of focusing on my job. It doesn't last: you will almost certainly find that you slowly start to get yourself back and you will very likely regret it if you stop working completely, for reasons I'm sure you're aware of.

That's not to say you shouldn't try to find more work/life balance if you can afford to and want to and if your partner is supportive. But don't be swayed by this "you can't have it all" nonsense. It's normal to find this a struggle but that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.

I honestly find it hard to read the words " living off "my DH.

It's so incredibly sad that any man would think a new mum looking after her own child is "living off him" and it would be much better to have the child on the arm of a poorly paid dis interested teen who would normally have been doing a beauty courses!

Far better!!

Your babies with their brains expanding a d growing at more than any time are far better in the arm's of people who see them as a stinky necessary poorly paid shit job!

How insulting!!!!!!

I bet money you are either a bloke or a bitter SAHM

Nursery workers are very underpaid for what they do and my sons nursery is marvellous so get off your high horse

@RayneDance

Your poorly-written word soup doesn't immediately suggest high intelligence but presumably you are able to grasp that registered childminders are almost never teenagers and that many women have to work in order for their children not to starve?

If you fancy trolling working mothers it usually helps if you can read and write and have a basic grasp of how the world works.

@@Julemba

My DH will probably never reach that amount nor us as a couple.

I guess it depends on how materialistic you are as well..

People's come at things from different perspectives.

I know sadly life can be snatched away any moment and life is short.
My husband carried them can whenever are DC were younger but I also made huge efforts to.keep our lifestyle high and our costs low..

When I came into a small amount of money that would last a year I said I didn't mind using that so he could stop working .

It's a partnership..

He totally understood our child our child would never ever get the same love and care and devotion a mother can give!

And me looking after her also meant.he got more time with her..

Nothing else mattred expect them.

But to be transparent we both came from wealthy unhappy then poor families.so we understand that it's family and people that is all

You justify your choices however you like, but putting working mothers down who don’t want to sponge off their partner is beyond low, if your husband fucked off where would you be? Probably doing a beauty course, get to fuck

The People I think we had a cross post back a few pages? You said it's insulting when people's say, working mum's v full-time mum's?

I had already said it's a poor distinction and insulting to.women who like my friends have been abandoned and Left to fend for themselves m

However the mum's who swan About choosing Taps is also a massive insult to mum's like me living off not a wealthy husband who can buy a beautiful Life but one tiny wage because we wanted our DC cared for by the people who love them most

No one in the world would argue any child minder loves your child more than you.

As a sahm when DC were young I certainly saw the childminder who actually did bother (.1??).and those that sat on their phone's!!

You are living in the 1950’s! Kids thrive at nursery and develop much faster than kids who are with their mum day in day out, especially when they can’t take them our constantly, which by the sounds of it you can’t afford to do that!

Dads love their children just as much as mothers so! You are being utter ridiculous!

men have been fighting for these rights for so long, how dare you!

You seem to be having some issues here, what’s the back-story?

Wait a few years. Then you'll be bloody glad of it, trust me.

@HappyChloé2 sorry what?

I just don’t think it’s fair to make full time working mothers feel guilty for their choices?

I once heard the saying "you can't have it all....at once ".
I like that, it's about timing. You can have a career, kids, friends, other stuff, but not all ( to the max) at once.

Julemba I have no idea if that's direct at.me but it's always proven that younger DC especially babies.up to 2/3 are of course better with the people who love them the most?!

Re not getting out, with my first toddler groups offer the same structure as nursery!

Craft table, then /and some toy's out..
Then snacks and usually something like all previous small world toy's and dress up packed up. Then ride on toys put out

Then tidy up , songs and ryhmes..

Run around then..home..

Used to be 1.50/2.00
And each group had different toys/songs and ways of doing things
.
By three they get free hours

@RayneDance you do you hun

Can you look at part time work to allow you to have that time you want with the kids?
Don’t worry for a second about what others think

I think you can have a good career, working full time and be a great mum, I did feel guilt in the early days though, quickly went after I realised me working was best for my family and my mental health

And going to nursery at 3 is fine because it’s free?

@RayneDance

I'm really struggling to understand your posts... but what about women who don't have husbands? What would you suggest we do?