Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

@Vincitveritas

Why would I need to have been a sahm to be able to read their comments and opinions?

There's also the important concept of 'Division of Labour'.

It often makes sense for a couple to divide their roles so that one partner goes out to work and focuses on their career, while the other partner focuses on the household and the family. Their overall income and happiness may well be much higher than if they had both tried to do a bit of both!

👏👏👏
Exactly!

@Topgub So your whole opinion is based on a very narrow view made up of people commenting on Mumsnet? That explains a lot.

Topgub - it doesn't always happen that Mrs X earns her £40k for her 40 hours per week and Mr X earns his £40k for his 40 hour week, so both incomes matter equally and that's that. There are all types of women married to all types of men. You must realise this? Some husbands who have SAHMs earn more in a day than their wife could earn in a year. That is a totally different context for a couple to be making decisions in.

*Youve just answered why men aren't held responsible

They have plenty women enforcing the sexist ideals for them.*

@Topgub You are assuming again. You're assuming that women are being manipulated by society and men.

Can you not imagine that many women actually WANT to stay at home with their family? That they find it more fulfilling than going out to work for a random company?

If these women are fortunate enough to have a partner who supports that choice, isn't that great for all involved m?

pinklavenders - it seem that women are not allowed to WANT to stay at home with their families anymore because apparently, other women now interpret this as a some kind weird threat or slight to them personally.

I mean literally on MN, you could be just about any configuration of relationship and people are bending backwards to be PC about it. But if you want to be with your own children - noooo! It's like a crime. Hilarious. Fortunately, in real life, nobody cares and there is nobody like Topgub. I'm sorry Topgub, but I do strongly suspect you just come on here to wind everyone up. It's like a hobby for you.

@mnmoaner I agree and for someone with a purported successful career she certainly seems to have a lot of time on her hands...

Yes, mnmosner, that's my impression too.

Thankfully in real life people are more supportive and less judgmental.

Sorry mnmoaner (can't type)

Except several other people on this thread, and many others have said exactly what I'm saying.

Are they some how invisible.

You are consistently missing the point @mnmoaner

Of course I'm aware some families have a wealth 'very important man with a very important job' and they are very happy with the little wife who wants to stay home.

Enforcing the sexist ideal as I said.

And you consistently make up arguments that no one has presented whilst having the cheek to suggest I've done that.

The lack of self awareness and hypocrisy is quite something

@pinklavenders

Out of interest why do you need people to be supportive and non judgemental?

That working mums are largely absent parents like their ohs. That they're not involved in day to day care or decision making

There was a memorable long thread some time ago that went like this:
--working mothers are uninvolved and shit mothers, as they spend barely any time with their DC. Me, I'm a SAHM. Financed by DH who works a lot, so he's never really there, so I have to be.
-- so you're saying your DH is a shit dad then, never there, no time spent with DC?
-- how dare you! He's the bestest most devoted caring parent ever!
--sooo...could a working mother be a similarly good devoted caring parent, just like a working dad?
--nope!

Takes so little to be a great dad. Or a shit mum.

Mmmm

@Vincitveritas

Its called days off

🤣

@G5000

Classic sahm bullshit.

Of course I'm aware some families have a wealth 'very important man with a very important job' and they are very happy with the little wife who wants to stay home.

Why a 'little' wife

Because we should be respecting and supporting each other's life choices.

Women, whether they have children or not, should be free to spend their day how they choose!

Very wealthy important men, with very important big jobs always have little wives, dont they?

Hey, it's just an expression. Just like full time mum.

🤣

Stupid phrase,

"I haven't been up to London recently because I'm 100% with the children/have to look after the children" is accurate and appropriate.

@pinklavenders

Nah.

Fuck that shit.

I dont have to respect anyone's choice.

And why should women be free to spend their days as they choose any more than men?

Ha saraclara think we are the same person my experience exactly the same! Though my own mother took the pre school years off too and re started work when youngest started school I followed same path. Felt right for us don’t really care what anyone else did or if I have ruined feminism etc

YANBU. I will read later!

And why should women be free to spend their days as they choose any more than men?

Again you're assuming. Where did I say MORE than men??

Im exactly like @Topgub
2 WOH parents who also shared care of the DC.
We did both roles.
My DC had both parents caring for them.
2 careers, 2 pensions.
Of course I understand what its like to SAH and care for my DC 😂
I did it and so did DH -nope not a crime!
Perhaps you are so deeply entrenched in SAH vs WOH that you just cant imagine what its like to have that support.