Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

@Topgub you're making a lot of assumptions!

Firstly, why assume that the ohs (partners) of sahm are 'absent' and unsupportive? They may be working but be super supportive emotionally and very hands on helpful when not working.

Second, what makes you think that all sahms think that about working parents?

@FaptainClubby

How I knew what sahms were thinking.

@pinklavenders

From their comments. Like @Sisisisi just described.

🤷‍♀️

You keep saying all these assumptions, yet you haven’t responded to my questions about your attitude towards SAHP, and your comments about how SAHM cause issues for “feminism”. You’re complaining about others making assumptions about you whilst simultaneously making assumptions about SAHM.

I was clearly being sarcastic about your crappy comment

@FaptainClubby

Huh?

I havent complained about people making assumptions.

Assume away.

I dont need to respond to any of your comments. I've no idea why you're so obsessed with mine.

I feel a lot of you are not actually wanting to hear what sahp are saying. Your mind is already made up.

@FaptainClubby

Sure.

🤣

@pinklavenders

And yours isn't?

You’re complaining about others making assumptions about you whilst simultaneously making assumptions about SAHM.

Yes, their mind is made up.

I'm outta here again!

Eh? You’re right there talking about the assumptions made on WM?

im not ‘obsessed’ with you, that’s a boring tactic to not answer questions. It’s an open forum debate.

@FaptainClubby

You find my opinions crappy

Why would I waste my time debating with you?

Stating something is happening isn't complaining about it.

For clarity @Topgub made the point that many SAHP with DH doing long hours etc may assume that all WOHP work those type of hours.
I agree as its something Ive come across on other threads.
The point was many SAHP stated they did it so their DC had a nice life when in fact the DC of WOHP who cooperate have the same life anyway.
WOH life is not all jet setting 😂

Topgub - to be honest, I think you just come in here to create arguments that only exist in your own head.

I haven’t called you opinions crappy, you’re twisting it again to fit your agenda. You made a crappy sarcastic comment to me of ‘it isn’t rocket science’ so I returned it to you. THAT was crappy, it’s rude for no reason. I haven’t called your opinions crappy at any point. I’ve challenged them, because you keep arguing that SAHP think terrible things about WM and that SAHM are some how letting women down.

@FaptainClubby

Your first comment on this was a personal attack on me and there's been several other since.

Now you're demanding I respond to your questions and denying you've been personal

🤣

@mnmoaner

Oh behave.

Not my fault you can't counter my arguments

🤣

"For clarity @Topgub made the point that many SAHP with DH doing long hours etc may assume that all WOHP work those type of hours."

Why on earth would they assume that? What are you even talking about?

The only assumptions and disdain I'm seeing on this thread are from WOH parents about SAHP! I have read them described as "unemployed" they're really not - unless you count you DC / retired people / students as "unemployed'. Also I haven't seen anyone except WOH parents using terms like "part time mum" when trying to argue that this is being said about them!
The only thing I can assume is that a lot of people seem to feel the need to justify their own lifestyle and put down others, and it mainly seems to be the SAHP who are at he receiving end of this, on this particular thread.
I do understand why people might not like the term, but it really is one that is used interchangeably with SAHP, although if it makes some people feel happier I can definitely make an effort to try and avoid using it in conversation.
There also seems to be an implication that all SAHP are privileged, when really that's not always true. Plenty have to give up work because childcare costs are higher than wages.
And yes I do work out of the house, I just don't feel the need to be defensive or sneary / combative to other people with different lives.

@mnmoaner

Its been explained several times

Because they say things like wp clock out 8 -6 every day

I wanted to be with my kids.

Spend precious time with my kids

Take them to playgroups

Go to school plays

Be a full time mum.

Like no full time mum ever does any of those things

Its an odd assumption to make unless you're basing it on experience

God, I hate these threads. It always turns into a fight between the two camps (which I'll avoid labelling as it's apparently impossible to do without someone taking exception!) My theory (since no one asked!) is that so few of us manage the balance we'd ideally like that we're all defensive and, on some level, feel over-sttetched and under-appreciated. (I am very happy for those of you able to come on here and tell me I'm wrong and you're absolutely content with your work-parenting balance. There must be some.)

For every mum forced to work because they can't afford not to, there's one who is priced out of work because childcare costs more than they'd earn. For every one losing their identity stuck at home with little kids all day, there's one who feels like they're missing out because of the time they spend at work. We need better subsidised childcare, and an expectation of flexibility at work as the norm, plus men to see both sides of the 'work' as equally their responsibility. We don't need more bitchy threads about how the other camp is just defensive/lazy/absent/purposeless/a part-time parent/luckier than we are/otherwise lacking.

I know it was not the OP's intention to be unkind to anyone. I think it's illustrative of how so many of us are self-conscious about what we do and don't do, and fall into bouncing our defensiveness off each other in a way that benefits nobody.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've a soapbox to climb off and I'm not very elegant up here. 🧐

@Faciadipasta

Bias is strong there huh?

Topgub - Do you really believe that women (anywhere) are not aware that there are different types of jobs? This is beyond ridiculous now. You are stretching your credibility too far.

@ThePastafarian

Waves 👋

I'm really happy with my work life balance. No guilt. No insecurities.

I have a great career and spend loads of time with my kids too.

They have a great life