Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

Btw I thought this thread was going to be about the long Autumn term and I opened it to say it is my favourite term 😂

Well, no, we are all full time mums - at what point do you stop being a mum? Barring personal tragedy (and even then) you don't stop. What she means is she's parenting full time, and doesn't have a job outside of the home.

Surely you're only 'unemployed' if you're actually interested in becoming employed?

I stopped doing paid work 13 years ago so I wouldn't ever describe myself as unemployed. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not my previous logic.

Sahm Mums have always been undervalued and overlooked by society at large so I wouldn't begrudge them a phrase that makes it sound like a positive. I can't see any reason for a working Mum to take offense from it.

Second answer in and says it all really.
Love you mim.

There's always so much bitter jealousy from working mums towards sahms. It's not her fault if you regret your choices. Yabu.

Its a shit term. (Autumn term is shit too)

I agree with PP - its a shit side effect of the patriarchy to have women arguing about how to describe themselves.

We all do the best we can manage. I have a full time job, a weekend job and a cash in hand job, and am a single mum of teens - I try to support other mothers but it does boil my piss though when a Sahm tells me what a busy week they've had, it never ever fits my definition of busy 🤣

I do feel offended when someone says they're a full time mum.

When I'm at work I am also still thinking about and doing things for my child.

It feels degrading, like I'm only a part time mum and that my child is lacking a full time parent. That fucking hurts. I work BECAUSE I'm a mum. I'm trying my best to provide what I can. I am a mum first and will always be.

You get use to it over time. People feel they have to justify their decisions if its different to yours.

When you are in London, treat yourself even if its little and enjoy the little perks of working.

I really loved my peacefully lunch breaks when I went back to work. I'm not going to feel bad about that. My kids loved nursery and I'm sure others loved being home.

Stop looking to be offended. YABU.

I'm sorry, what the fuck? I don't regret my choices at all. I resent the implication that I'm less of a parent because I work. I do not regret working.

When did housewife go out of acceptance/fashion? As a child that's all I wanted to be.

I'd have read that as she doesn't get to go to London much/at all as she's (stuck) at home all day looking after her DC.
Read nothing more into it than that.

It's certainly true that plenty of people look down on SAHMs. It's also true that plenty of people (not all of them SAHMs!) sneer at mothers who go out to work. There's defensiveness, hurt, regret, insecurity and guilt on both sides here.

OP's friend may or may not have made it as a dig but it's well documented that plenty of WOHMs dislike the term, so I'm sad to see there's so much defence of it on this thread.

And nobody who calls 'full time mums'/SAHMs unemployed has a leg to stand on here, that's even more offensive than someone innocently calling themselves a FTM. No, I'm not a SAHP.

Not really surprising if they imply parents with actual jobs are lesser parents.

Its not implying anything, it’s used interchangeably with SAHM. We all know what it means - not a perfect description but no need to be offended.

I'm sorry but the term 'full time Mum' means a SAHM.

It might sting a bit but you can't really change the terminology when it's widely used.

Not really surprising if they imply parents with actual jobs are lesser parents.

But she didn't. She explained her situation, using a very common term, hardly lessening working parents. The OP and others have just opted to be interpret it that way and be offended by it.

@BuggerationFlavouredCrisps

I thought the definition was without paid work?

I guess ot could be extend to actively looking for paid work

@arethereanyleftatall

What is there to be bitter or jealous of?!

@Surplus2requirements

How are they undervalued by society? Why does society need to value the role?

This tedious old chestnut again.

funny how it's OK to say that SAHMs don't do any work or have a job though.

Don't take offence OP. I've had comments like this in the past. A relative of mine said something once along the lines of "I won't have anybody else look after my kids, I wouldn't swap that time with them for the world".

Well yeah - that's all wonderful but unfortunately we don't all have that bloody luxury!

Mine is 5 now and I went back to work when she was 9 months old. I'm the breadwinner. Had to.

Yes, I work full time but I'm proud that it's me providing the life we have, the holidays, the house we own.

I don't rely on anybody, my DP could walk out of the door tomorrow and it wouldn't affect mine and DDs financial stability one fart, so mostly I'm proud that my DD can see what women can achieve and learn that we don't have to become beholden to men to feed and clothe us.

I don't regret any of my choices for a single second, so I usually just laugh this sort of shit off.

Yes. I wasn't being a mother when my children were all at school. I was an "on call parent".

Surely there is no such thing as a full time mum? You are either a mum or your not, sounds like one of the passive aggressive smug mums you meet at the school gates.

If anything your life is much harder than hers, you are at work all day, having to organise child care then when you get home from working all day, all the usual household chores are still waiting for you!

For the record I was a SAHM, ignore this woman.

I resent the implication that I'm less of a parent because I work.

But she didn't do that. She used a very, very common term of explaining her choices.
If you get offended with it and read too much into it, that's more on you then her comment.

I'm sure the op knows her situation?

There was no need for the friend to say it.

It wasn't relevant in any way