Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

Aren't all mothers full time? I didnt realise there was an option to go less than full time. I read a book recently (Fleishman is in trouble) and one of the characters (Rachel I think) said "people think being a mother is the hardest job in the world, they should try being a mother and having a job - that is actually the hardest job". Or something along those lines. Ignore.

Parents can actively parent whilst apart from their children

^ This.

And be screwed if her DH leaves.

Stupid position for women to put themselves in, baffles me.

I’m not a full time mum. I’m a working mum. I don’t care if others call themselves full time mums, if they spend 24/7 with children

Childcare via telepathy? Or by Alexa? Or by FaceTime? Might work for some I older kids I suppose.

You're being disingenuous.

Are there no other ways you can think of parenting or contributing towards parenting your child(ren) without being with them?

@Pinkpeony2

By earning money. By sorting out apps. Parents nights, play dates. Buying birthday presents, clothes toys.

Etc etc etc.

All the 'parenting' that isn't direct childcare.

And By still being available for that phonecard to go get them as pp said.

It was. It explained why the friend didn’t go to London even though she wanted to. Probably thought OP was having way more enjoyment than she would have been seeing she was there to work.

@Topgub

It's her personal circumstance, It could be for many reasons due to her being a full time mum.

And yes the conversation started but was not limited to the OPs work or that then just becomes the OP talking at her acquaintance, if said acquaintance cannot respond with something she has any interest in, that was the London part,
She simply mentioned she does get to go in now as she's a full time mum, hardly dragging the OP down unless of course you choose to turn it into that, that's then on you.

Erm maybe because it’s not paid and doesn’t provide a pension. It’s extremely undervalued but is the most important job in society.
A pat on the back is really the least of it.

This 10000%

I’m a carer for my disabled partner and I also have two children with autism, I sometimes feel other peoples disdain when I say I don’t work and there’s really hard days when I’ve had little to no sleep, no chance of a break and no prospect of any change. It’s not easy and the person that I neglect the most is myself. I think some people have the view that SAHP sit on their backsides all day and it’s far from the truth especially in my home. The precious few hours I will get once school term starts will be spent fixing things my children have broken, repainting walls that have crayon and other stuff on them. Catching up on phone calls, finally getting to see a GP about one of my own health concerns etc while still caring for my partner who had a volatile health condition. Whereas on the flip side I can see the sacrifices my SIL and brother make for their kids, but also the extra support they have needed form grandparents for childcare in order for them to be able to work. Something that I cannot rely on as both of my children have very high needs so cannot be left together. I spend my life treading water in order not to drown, physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted most days and no let up. I’m not saying Working parents have it any easier some of us just don’t even have an option to go out to work. There’s days I don’t get any adult conversation, days where I’m punched, kicked, scratched and bitten and says where I’m just hoping it’s bedtime soon.

I think it’s similar to if you referred to her as unemployed. Not technically incorrect but could be seen as hurtful and not how you’d describe it. If you have kids you’re a full time mum!

It's a daft statement but if it makes her feel better about herself let her crack on. Uanbu.There aren't many people that spend 24/7 with their children unless they are babies or are homeschooling and even then there will be times when they go to get a haircut, nails done etc at which point the kids aren't with them and they aren't actively parenting.

I'm a mum all of the time, I'm not actively parenting the kids whilst they are at school or I'm at work though.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

No, and no. More likely she envies you. I certainly would have done.

Why should people be paid to look after the child(ren) they chose to have?!

Perhaps the partner funding them should pay into a pension for them or they should save money to do so if it's a choice they made.

I mean, you tell yourself, but she could just return to work as the children get older. Maybe you'd have more of a point if she was a 'housewife'

Again, you're entitled to this unfounded opinion, but you can't be offended by 'full time mum' and then say this.

Being on call counts as working in any job.
And as a parent you are always on-call, even if they're at nursery etc, incase of illness of emergency. Ergo still full time mum even if working sometimes.

I think you're being touchy tbh. It's not often motherhood requires you to attend the capital. Are you defensive about returning to work? Own your choices, who gives a fuck what she calls herself?

You'll get all this shit because whatever you do will be wrong in some peoples eyes
Your going to have to ignore it or just nod and smile and crack on with what's right for you
People like to have a dig , it's not nice but people are shitty.
Good luck with everything op

Boils my blood when I see this!

Absolutely sounds like she was having a dig. I get it all the time too. 99% of the time this comment is followed by how your kids are only young once and you should cherish the time. Blah blah. It's annoying, YANBU

Op you sound like you're on the defensive. I think your friend was just expressing how restrictive her life is due to not having the personal freedom of work etc (regardless of whether the mother wants to be back at work or not). I am currently on mat leave with my toddler and baby and would probably off the cuff say full time mum in that I don't do anything else. I would never of even considered that this would be interpreted as a slight on a mother who works.

She sounded clumsy. You sound sensitive.
Better things to get raging about.

Childcare via telepathy? Or by Alexa? Or by FaceTime? Might work for some I older kids I suppose

Some people just seem to struggle with the fact that most parents can't be in both places at one time, so a choice has to be made.

Some parents are better parents in work full time , some parents are better parents parenting at home full time and some don't have a choice.

So let's be happy for the ones who do have a choice and stop trying to drag eachother down for these choices.

OP if your child is only 6 months old, you will start to hear full time parent a lot, it's another descriptor for SAHP, that is not going to change, so please don't turn that to think they use it as a dig at working parent, every single parent I know, honestly couldn't give a shit if the parents work or not.