Page 8 | Pretty shocked....what comes next? Interim care order...

SplashparkSummer · 2022-08-31T17:00:28+00:00

I have posted about this before. I change a few details as a very sensitive issue. My toddler great nephew has been taken into care today on an interim care order. It has all been pretty upsetting. I was shocked that up until this morning it was understood he would stay with the foster carer that he lives with now as part of a mum and baby placement. This has turned out not to be the case and SS have been scrambling to find a placement for him and have only found one for 1 week. Everyone (except SS) including the judge wanted the case to be adjourned for a week to allow a longer term placement to be found and introductions to be done slowly but the current mum and baby foster carer initially would allow it only if mum could stay too but then changed her mind to not allow it with or without mum there. How upsetting for him to be removed from his mum and his home on the same day and then have another move in a week. Just needed to get that all out. What happens next? There is over a year until the final hearing and my nephew wants his DS to come and live with him. Any advice much appreciated.

Original poster

SplashparkSummer · 04/11/2022 21:23

UPDATE
I just wanted to come back and give an update as so many posters gave such useful advice.

Adoption plans have been put on hold ☺️

DGN has settled in to his new foster home and hopefully there will be no further moves.

Children's services want to redo DN's parenting assessment and do a family group conference. DN has contact once a week at home and once a week at the contact centre. They are suggesting that DGN could come to live with DN. His mum is in agreement with this. She is now getting help from the home treatment team and is going to start therapy soon, hopefully.

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Tereseta · 04/11/2022 21:53

That sounds really positive! It sounds like Cs are really trying to help your nephew get sorted.Glad GN is in a stable Foster placement.

OldFan · 04/11/2022 22:12

Oooh, promising @SplashparkSummer . Please keep us updated.

Original poster

SplashparkSummer · 04/11/2022 22:21

Thank you! ☺️ Yes, they are being very supportive. DN is attending 2 parenting courses and getting things ready. And it's such a relief that DGN's mum is finally getting some help.

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Original poster

SplashparkSummer · 23/12/2022 08:58

UPDATE

For those who have been following, I wanted to let you know the good news. DN has passed his parenting assessment and a recommendation will be made for DGN to go to live with him ☺️ We're going to start looking at nurseries after Christmas!

DGN's mum is continuing with her therapy. She still doesn't have anywhere to live, though. She told me she is going to start washing all DGN's bedding and get everything ready to pass to DN as she wants DGN to come home to familiar things.

DGN is continuing to do well in his foster placement. It is coming to light that he has some additional needs due to a genetic disorder, rather than because his mum was neglecting him. At least now hopefully he will get the support he needs.

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Proteinpudding · 23/12/2022 09:03

That's lovely news @SplashparkSummer Well done to your DN, he must have stepped up to get a positive assessment, and no doubt with you supporting him to. Hopefully in time mum will be able to be more involved as well.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/12/2022 09:32

rather than because his mum was neglecting him

Nice of them to blame her in the first place, wasn't it? Anybody apologised to her about that yet?

Georgieporgie29 · 23/12/2022 10:14

@SplashparkSummer such a lovely update. I am so happy for you all and hope that things go smoothly from now on

Original poster

SplashparkSummer · 23/12/2022 17:31

Proteinpudding · 23/12/2022 09:03

That's lovely news @SplashparkSummer Well done to your DN, he must have stepped up to get a positive assessment, and no doubt with you supporting him to. Hopefully in time mum will be able to be more involved as well.

Yes, he really has. He's really matured over the last year and is shaping up to be a really good parent. Yes, we hope that eventually things can be nearer 50/50 with mum.

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Original poster

SplashparkSummer · 23/12/2022 17:32

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/12/2022 09:32

rather than because his mum was neglecting him

Nice of them to blame her in the first place, wasn't it? Anybody apologised to her about that yet?

I know! And no and I won't hold my breath.

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Original poster

SplashparkSummer · 23/12/2022 17:33

Georgieporgie29 · 23/12/2022 10:14

@SplashparkSummer such a lovely update. I am so happy for you all and hope that things go smoothly from now on

Thank you so much! I've told DN now the real hard work begins!

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Ponoka7 · 23/12/2022 17:40

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/12/2022 09:32

rather than because his mum was neglecting him

Nice of them to blame her in the first place, wasn't it? Anybody apologised to her about that yet?

It isn't so much as blaming her, but SN diagnosis (and so inappropriate support) was previously done too quickly. It can take until a child has had a year in school before the distinction can be made. There's been enough neglect to have the child removed. There will be damage from that.

OP is your DN working? Has a Nursery been recommended? Have you all read around attachment issues?

Ponoka7 · 23/12/2022 17:44

Also hold off taking about 50/50. That may or may not happen. Parenting a disabled child isn't always easy and more care is needed than an NT child. It's up to your DN to safeguard his son.

Proteinpudding · 23/12/2022 17:58

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/12/2022 09:32

rather than because his mum was neglecting him

Nice of them to blame her in the first place, wasn't it? Anybody apologised to her about that yet?

Would you prefer it if they didn't intervene for fear of upsetting mum and getting it wrong?

Indications of special needs and indications of the impact of neglect heavily overlap, especially in young children. Social workers don't bring it up to 'blame' parents, they bring it up because they have a responsibility to prioritise children, they can't make any judgement about early SEN, only a pediatrician can do that. In this situation there were real worries about mums mental health declining and impacting her ability to parent her child, at least according to what the OP has shared. The child has since been found to have a genetic condition, that doesn't mean the decline in care should be ignored or that the child hasn't been affected.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 23/12/2022 18:00

SplashparkSummer · 23/12/2022 08:58

UPDATE

For those who have been following, I wanted to let you know the good news. DN has passed his parenting assessment and a recommendation will be made for DGN to go to live with him ☺️ We're going to start looking at nurseries after Christmas!

DGN's mum is continuing with her therapy. She still doesn't have anywhere to live, though. She told me she is going to start washing all DGN's bedding and get everything ready to pass to DN as she wants DGN to come home to familiar things.

DGN is continuing to do well in his foster placement. It is coming to light that he has some additional needs due to a genetic disorder, rather than because his mum was neglecting him. At least now hopefully he will get the support he needs.

Wonderful update. I’m glad they’re all making good progress. Fingers crossed it all continues going so well.

Original poster

SplashparkSummer · 23/12/2022 19:15

Ponoka7 · 23/12/2022 17:40

It isn't so much as blaming her, but SN diagnosis (and so inappropriate support) was previously done too quickly. It can take until a child has had a year in school before the distinction can be made. There's been enough neglect to have the child removed. There will be damage from that.

OP is your DN working? Has a Nursery been recommended? Have you all read around attachment issues?

Show quote history

I don't want to go into it too much but this is a genetic disorder that could have been tested for a long time ago when mum was raising issues.

Yes, he's working. A nursery hasn't been recommended. We are going to start looking at them after Christmas. Not sure if DN has read around attachment issues, but yes that would be good. I suppose there are bound to be issues with his DS having been in foster care. DGN does have a secure attachment with mum and dad which I expect will help a lot.

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Original poster

SplashparkSummer · 23/12/2022 19:20

Ponoka7 · 23/12/2022 17:44

Also hold off taking about 50/50. That may or may not happen. Parenting a disabled child isn't always easy and more care is needed than an NT child. It's up to your DN to safeguard his son.

We're not talking about 50/50 ourselves. It's just been mentioned by the social workers.

And I'm aware of that having ND children myself. And obviously he will safeguard his son. Contact for DGN with his mum will be set by the court.

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Original poster

SplashparkSummer · 23/12/2022 19:30

Proteinpudding · 23/12/2022 17:58

Would you prefer it if they didn't intervene for fear of upsetting mum and getting it wrong?

Indications of special needs and indications of the impact of neglect heavily overlap, especially in young children. Social workers don't bring it up to 'blame' parents, they bring it up because they have a responsibility to prioritise children, they can't make any judgement about early SEN, only a pediatrician can do that. In this situation there were real worries about mums mental health declining and impacting her ability to parent her child, at least according to what the OP has shared. The child has since been found to have a genetic condition, that doesn't mean the decline in care should be ignored or that the child hasn't been affected.

Show quote history

The point is when mum was raising issues rather than testing for the genetic disorder/looking at other possibilities, they instead focussed solely on mum as neglecting DGN. This had an impact on her mental health - the lack of support with a DC with a serious genetic condition and the constant blaming from the social worker. I'm not saying that was the only impact but it was a significant one. DGN has also been let down by not getting the correct support earlier. He has also gone through the trauma of being separated from his mum. His mum's mental health has been further impacted by her being homeless and the trauma of losing her son.

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Original poster

SplashparkSummer · 23/12/2022 19:31

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 23/12/2022 18:00

Wonderful update. I’m glad they’re all making good progress. Fingers crossed it all continues going so well.

Show quote history

Thank you and yes, I hope so. There'll be some ups and downs, I'm sure but hopefully there's enough support in place that things will be ok.

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LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 23/12/2022 20:13

Great update, I hope it works out for all 3 of them, they've all been through a lot since DGN birth. They're lucky to have you supporting them through this.

Original poster

SplashparkSummer · 23/12/2022 20:26

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 23/12/2022 20:13

Great update, I hope it works out for all 3 of them, they've all been through a lot since DGN birth. They're lucky to have you supporting them through this.

Thank you so much.

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