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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pretty shocked....what comes next? Interim care order...

196 replies

SplashparkSummer · 31/08/2022 18:00

I have posted about this before. I change a few details as a very sensitive issue.

My toddler great nephew has been taken into care today on an interim care order. It has all been pretty upsetting. I was shocked that up until this morning it was understood he would stay with the foster carer that he lives with now as part of a mum and baby placement. This has turned out not to be the case and SS have been scrambling to find a placement for him and have only found one for 1 week. Everyone (except SS) including the judge wanted the case to be adjourned for a week to allow a longer term placement to be found and introductions to be done slowly but the current mum and baby foster carer initially would allow it only if mum could stay too but then changed her mind to not allow it with or without mum there. How upsetting for him to be removed from his mum and his home on the same day and then have another move in a week. Just needed to get that all out.

What happens next? There is over a year until the final hearing and my nephew wants his DS to come and live with him. Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 31/08/2022 20:12

Allybob88 · 31/08/2022 20:07

I know that very well thankyou, it's my job.

If the foster carer is a Mumsnet user do you think she wouldn't recognise this case....?

That's all it takes.

This scenario is being played out all the time though, there isnt anything particularly extraordinary about it, its not unusual, there could be a number of foster carers, social workers, mums, dads reading this thinking 'is that about my case'?

TheHateIsNotGood · 31/08/2022 20:12

You could always offer your Grand Nephew a home whilst your DN gets himself assessed as suitable by SS.

Original poster
SplashparkSummer · 31/08/2022 20:12

BabyDreamers · 31/08/2022 19:52

I gave birth at 17 and have never had any SS involvement I do wonder what awful things people must have done to be kept away from their own children. As I know it's not simply that they are young. Can only think it is for the best OP.

Mum was in foster care when she had her baby so SS were automatically involved. She was doing well until due to a family bereavement her mental health started to decline. She started struggling with caring for him and her behaviour became aggressive at times (not aimed at her DS). It is hoped with mental health support she can be a good mum again. Of course she will still have contact. So she hasn't done 'awful things', she has become unwell.

OP posts:
watcherintherye · 31/08/2022 20:13

She has included her nephews name in posts!

Why so gleeful? Unedifying, to say the least.
It’s likely to be an autocorrect for DN. If not, the op will no doubt ask for it to be removed.

NoFrills01 · 31/08/2022 20:13

I work in a care home, the government has now dropped all asymptomatic testing for residents and staff. All staff have dropped masks.

Whilst many of my colleagues are happy, I am not. I have many many health issues, with a child who is also very vulnerable and has been very ill over the last year.

I'm constantly being asked why I'm still wearing a mask, constantly made to feel like I need to rip it off my face, and I'm being dramatic.

Facts of the matter are I had covid in March 2020 I'm pretty sure I have long covid, since then I've been very ill from other virus which have caused very random but life altering changes to my body ( I've lost vison, hearing ect ect).

I caught covid again earlier this year, and unfortunately suffered an early miscarriage. Whilst my Dr says there isn't enough to know if it was covid I can't help but feel my body just reacts to these viruses ever since.

I enjoy my job, but I feel like I'm being pushed out by wearing a mask. Some could argue covid is here for a while and we learn to live with it, I agree totally but what about those of us who immune systems are absolutely wrecked. I'm only young and have just lost my hearing to a virus! Wearing a mask makes me feel better, like I'm doing something to protect myself and my child.

I need to work, but I have no idea what to do. I almost want to leave but I would be faced with the same issue somewhere else. I'm not happy in my job which doesn't help but I do it to pay the bills.

PainsandAches · 31/08/2022 20:13

@SplashparkSummer

As other posters have repeatedly said

They have to explore as an option

It doesn't mean it's a genuine solution being considered

Failing a parenting assessment is a huge deal, add together with the domestic abuse and verbal abuse of the child's mother it's not looking good for your nephew

If you want what's best for his child, you'd not be supporting an abusive parent taking him full time

bellac11 · 31/08/2022 20:14

I havent even seen the name to be fair.

PainsandAches · 31/08/2022 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
SplashparkSummer · 31/08/2022 20:16

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 31/08/2022 19:54

Sorry to hear this Op.
I hope they find a suitable long term placement for your great nephew. I agree it’s sad he couldn’t stay with the current foster carer rather than be placed with temporary ones for only a week.

most others have added information about the LAC process so I won’t repeat. A year for a final date does sound like a long time frame.
Are social care doing concurrent planning and talking about adoption at all? If GN is young and there are no potential family carers I would be expecting this

Thank you. Yes, it was sad. I'm not sure why the foster carer made that decision and why she left it to the morning of the case. I do hope a long term placement is found.

I assume they are, but nothing specific was mentioned today. Just about the father and child home.

OP posts:
watcherintherye · 31/08/2022 20:16

bellac11 · 31/08/2022 20:14

I havent even seen the name to be fair.

I think it may have been an autocorrect for DN.

PainsandAches · 31/08/2022 20:16

bellac11 · 31/08/2022 20:14

I havent even seen the name to be fair.

'Unfortunately, the little boy's DM's mental health has been declining. This has led to an increase in arguments over the phone. This was a concern for both of them. They both failed the parenting assessment. It was felt mum could not care properly for her DS currently and the best option was an interim care order while they look at a parent and child placement for DN. So currently DN is seen as better able to look after him. No, I didn't give him money.

Mum has not been given the support she needs with her mental health, I believe if she gets that she can be a good mum as she was doing well before. She has tried to get help and is currently waiting assessment. But as we know it is very slow. Dan's chance has not gone as they are looking for a child and parent placement.

Look, I have said many times there was no excuse for DV. But actually I wonder if I might have made a mistake as a teenager in care when my mum has committed suicide. There are no 'fights' with the mum. There has been arguments over the phone.'

BalloonsAndBlueSkies · 31/08/2022 20:19

watcherintherye · 31/08/2022 20:06

I thought that, then wondered if It may be an autocorrect for DN?

Show quote history

Ah yes it could be, I hadn't thought of that - if it's not then hopefully OP can get it changed quickly now she's aware Smile

watcherintherye · 31/08/2022 20:21

Dan's chance has not gone = DN’s chance has not gone? Maybe?

Original poster
SplashparkSummer · 31/08/2022 20:21

bellac11 · 31/08/2022 19:54

Yes as I said, solicitors will say 'we 're challenging this, theres clear evidence of excellent care here'

They are solicitors/barristers, its their job! They would be a pretty poor advocate if they didnt put their clients position forward. Parents solicitors will always phrase things in respect of the child's interests but they dont meant that Im afraid. Ive seen some shocking suggestions put forward for parents where its clear the child is just thought of as an object or belonging.

They always find some reason, some technicality to ask for another parenting assessment. Sometimes they are successful and thats another reason for huge drift and delay in proceedings getting completed

What I read into your last paragraph Im afraid is that both of them hassle and pester each other within a toxic relationship. They should have blocked each others numbers if they werent involved at some level, not spend time arguing with each other. He sounds emotionally immature and this may well be part of the difficulties he has.

Show quote history

Ok, I see what you mean.

He has blocked her now. But this is linked to mum's mental health. They got on ok before.

OP posts:
Original poster
SplashparkSummer · 31/08/2022 20:22

I've not included DN's DS's name.

OP posts:
TheHateIsNotGood · 31/08/2022 20:23

Another question - does your DN want the full-responsibilities of caring for and raising his ds as much as you wish he did?

watcherintherye · 31/08/2022 20:24

SplashparkSummer · 31/08/2022 20:22

I've not included DN's DS's name.

I think the name thing is to do with your post where you say Dan's chance has not gone as they are looking for a child and parent placement. I’m wondering if it was an autocorrect for DN?

Original poster
SplashparkSummer · 31/08/2022 20:24

I do appreciate the replies of genuine information and advice. If any one else is able to give me any information then I'd appreciate it. But I'm going to stop being drawn into talking about personal information. If you can't give any information or advice without knowing more than I've already shared then that is fine, no need to post.

OP posts:
Original poster
SplashparkSummer · 31/08/2022 20:26

bellac11 · 31/08/2022 20:00

Just to add, if a P+C is still being searched for, it may or may not be the plan. We still have to search for these placements even if the plan and assessment tells us that the child should be separated from parent/s.

The courts expect that P+Cs are searched for so that the court has all the options in front of them when they make decisions. There will need to be proof of what searches have taken place and what the decline reasons were from the placements who wouldnt take him.

With a negative parenting assessment it is highlly unlikely that its the chosen plan for the child to be with his father, but the Local Authority might be forced to continue to search for these placements and place father and child due to the courts view or the Guardian in particular, they are usually quite misguided about what is right for a child Im afraid

Also parents get legal aid, they dont have to fund their own counsel for these issues.

Ok, thank you for the information.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 31/08/2022 20:27

Lordy, if people are so concerned that OP might have shared a real name then stop bloody posting the post

Some of us didnt even see it,, until people were 'helpful' enough to repost it and now in bold.

Original poster
SplashparkSummer · 31/08/2022 20:30

AlternativelyWired · 31/08/2022 20:00

Poor child, I hope social services and the court do what is best for him. Ime they don't always but it sounds in this case that neither parent is suitable. I can't remember all the details from your other thread but does your nephew work? How is mum's mental health affecting her ability to parent? Did you say your nephews mental health is bad too? It's very sad that they are both care leavers. Being a parent is bloody tough and at their young ages with care backgrounds and possible lack of support it will be hard for them both.

Yes, he works. Mum is struggling with motivation and becoming very argumentative at times. DN has completed therapy and seems to be doing really well MH wise. I know it is sad and yes, it must be hard for them.

OP posts:
sue20 · 31/08/2022 20:31

ByGrabtharsHammarWhatASaving · 31/08/2022 18:19

Am I right in thinking you're the poster whose nephew is only able to see his son for 3 hours a week at a contact centre? Did you ever get the full/real story on why that was? You're going to get a lot of posters asking you some variation of "why can't he live with his dad?" so would be best to just give the full context to this up front.

Or maybe not bring something as sensitive and personally complicated to Mumsnet? How can anyone on here advise on such a matter, not knowing full story maybe but more to the point it’s an inappropriate forum. However OP sorry for your obvious distress and hope it’s a good outcome.

watcherintherye · 31/08/2022 20:35

bellac11 · 31/08/2022 20:27

Lordy, if people are so concerned that OP might have shared a real name then stop bloody posting the post

Some of us didnt even see it,, until people were 'helpful' enough to repost it and now in bold.

Don’t you think it’s sensible to draw it to the op’s attention so she can have it removed, if necessary? Rather than relying on people being unobservant?

Original poster
SplashparkSummer · 31/08/2022 20:35

Hopeandlove · 31/08/2022 20:05

6 weeks ago is not ‘dealing with the issue’

he has mental health issues
he has issues with committing dv on his partner then ex partner and this is clear child abuse if it happened in from of the child

6 weeks is nothing

I find it highly suspicious that he is saying the foster carer would not do one more week

he had an assessment he failed - you can’t take that back

Show quote history

His mental health is stable. There has been no DV with his DC's mum.

You may find it suspicious but that is what happened otherwise mum and/or DN's DC would still be there. I've heard this from DN/his DC's mum and the solicitor so I have no reason to think it is not the truth.

OP posts:
TheHateIsNotGood · 31/08/2022 20:37

I've known a few people who have 'taken on' gc and grand nephews either before or after SS involvement - despite all the flaws and rocky roads, usually it's best for the child rather than going into the foster care/SS system; after all given that there are hardly any suitable foster carers available - and the child can get moved by SS for no apparent reason, launching a child into that is far more flawed.

These relatives don't usually get foster carers' pay either - they do it because 'it's family' and I'd do it too if such a circumstance arose.

The biggest problem I've come across is some family carers' can be unwilling to 'hand back' the child if the child's parent(s) become fully capable of caring for their child again.

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