to be cross with childminders being overprotective when my boy is infectious?!

[MaeBee]

my ds has mild conjunctivitis. i checked the advice on the NHS website before taking him to a toddler group, and it said continue going to playgroups and schools. so i did. and i warned every parent coming in, cos my toddler is a big fan of little babies in particular and likes to kiss them, so i thought if i warned them then they could stop him rubbing his face on their babies if i hadn't got there first!
well, without exception all the parents were fine about it. but the childminders were all a bit arsey. they all tend to sit in one corner together and every time my ds went over there they just picked him up and put him away, not even letting him in that corner where some of the toys are.
in the end i left early, because he was feeling unwell and because i wasn't sure what to do. but now im feeling i should have been more confrontational. the other thing is, its a SureStart group,its free, set up in deprived areas to help parents. i don't have a problem at all with the childminders also using it, but i do if they start hogging an area and being mean to my kid.
am i being unreasonable?

Also agree with ineedapoo's rules.

crap name but good rules

our CM was fine to take ds when he had conjunctivitis recently- we had no idea what the 'right' thing was to do and so were happy to take her lead. though pretty much everyone on here seems to think differently to that... makes me wonder what the parents of her other charges would think.

MaeBee, Yesterday you posted:

"My 16 month boy has been suffering today, could just be a cold with conjunctivits, but he also has very red cheeks"

You also said he was a bit "clingy and whingy", and agreed he might have fifth disease, other wise known as "slapped cheek", which can be very dangerous for pregnant women, if they havent had the virous, posssibly causing miscariage in early pregnancy.

Obviously, there is the argument that if you go around infecting children, you will be protecting them in adult hood, but genreally, it's common sence; if a child has a heavy cold/conguctavitus, etc., miss toddler group this week. For your own child sake, if no one elses.

Can I also just add, regarding the 'losing of jobs' due to having one too many days off. My dp had lot of days off to look after my ds when he was sick. He had ONE too many days off, and was sacked, whilst I was pregnant and it took monthsto get another job. If that ONE day was due to somebody almost deliberately infecting my ds with an infection, there is not really a word for how angry I would be. Life is hard enough, without intentional spreading of illnesses.
Why have you asked for peoples opinions? You are sure you are in the right anyway.

This whole thread was about AIBU about the childminders being over protective. Well, yes, yabu! The childminders were pissed off because you brought a child with conjuctivitis into an area where their mindees could have caught an infectious disease! They were NOT being mean to your kid, they were protecting their charges from catching an infectious disease. I don't care how you dress it up, it is infectious, however mild. Ok, so research now says its the same as a cold, but I stand by what I say, I will not accept a child with conjuctivitis and I never will. I am certain that my parents would be very grateful that I moved your child away from them, if the need ever arose.

i recently lost out on two full days pay because i refused care to an adhoc mindee who had CJ as i wouldnt put my mindees at risk of it!..parents were v.happy that i did this(parents of children that were here obv!)

YABU, our school will send a child home with conjunctivitis and ask that you don't bring them back until they are clear.
A cold is a cold, conjunctivitis affects the eyes, so totally different imo.
I wouldn't have been just avoiding you, I'd have been waving a bloody great cross and a bit of garlic at you aswell.

Think that sums it up!

As a mum at a playgroup I would secretly loathe you bringing your ds into playgroup with cj, but would be too polite to say so to your face. If your ds came over to my baby with cj and kissed/rubbed faces I think my head would explode.

As a childminder however (which I am as well as a mum) I may be more bold and show you I was unhappy with your selfishness (I would probably tell you about the guidelines we follow and the effects of my ds or mindees catching it from your ds.

No one wants their child or mindee to get cj, I have had it as has ds, it is horrid, uncomfortable and scary when your eyes are glued shut, esp for a baby.

I am going to go by your op not your backtracking further posts, that your son was unwell, you took him home early. He would have been just as happy pottering around at home at this age, or if you felt the desperate need to get out, a walk to the park, play area, local shop would have done.

You were unreasonable to take him, you will be even more selfish and unreasonable if you take him to a different group of babies, children and parent/carers tomorrow.

I am a childminder, I will not accept children into my setting with CJ. You want to know why? I had CJ year before last, ended up taking time of work because I developed orbital oedeama (sp). It is extremely painful to say the least. There is no way on this earth that I would put a child in my care at risk of developing this. And yes the OP is being unreasonable, and I would have done the same thing as the minders at the group- in fact I would be fuming.

I don't know ANY nursery that will take a child with conjunctivitus.

I would be really cross TBH to be exposed unnecesaarily to conjunctivitus. I wear contact lenses. If I get conjunctivitus I can't. My glasses are a bit out of date so it is a real pain if I have to wear them instead. And my work will not accept me if I have conjunctivitus - they send me home until it has gone. Fine, their choice but MY work sick record.

It is a playgroup. Conjunctivitus when treated, even if just wiping carefully and not antibiotics, only lasts a few days. Surly missing playgroup for a week is better than passing it round the rest of the childre.

Yes it is a minor ailment for most children/adults, but it isn't pleasant. t is itchy, it temporarily distorts vision, it stings. It simply isn't nice to have. Why pass it on if you can avoid it?

Nonsense, they shouldn't have to leave because you choose to attend! How completely unreasonable of you. And yes, frankly if your child is very unwell/clingy whatever it is cold, CJ, slapped cheek WHATEVER, then yes I would expect you to stay home. Frankly not everyone wants to be infected with colds as harmless as they "might" be. Yeesh

I'm shocked you'd consider taking him. You took the trouble to look it up on NHS direct. It states very clearly there the dangers cj pose to a baby (which I didn't know about before) .

You must've read it, till you got the bit that suited you.
YOu know it's dangerous to babies and bloody painful and problematic to most other people.
You know your son likes kissing babies.

I think it's astonishing you'd even consider it.

Your continuing attitude, in the face of well over 150 posts saying yabu just makes me shake my head in wonder. Truly cannot decide if it's totally selfish, plain ignorant, or what. I don't know.

I do know it'd not kill you to miss a bloody playgroup for a couple of day.

i personally wouldn't keep my child in with conjunctivitus however my ds isn't one to kiss other babies. he hates tiny babies!

oh pmsl at Ernest, that's so the nail on the head - exactly right: 'it'd not kill you to miss a bloody playgroup for a couple of days'

Come on O all you ladies of sensible and thoughtful disposition - step away now. Nothing to see here

also it does say it's ok to take them to playgroups and not just school. "The Health Protection Agency (HPA) states that it is not advisable to exclude children from schools, or playgroups"

but the point is nappy I think that the absolute overwhelming majority of people would be pissed off with this being knowingly brought to a PLAYGROUP which is after all not an essential - it's not childcare. And as some on here have said there have been jobs lost through parents having time off for sick kids; ok it happens that kids get sick BUT there is a difference between the unavoidable illnesses and those knowingly brought.

What you are quoting is health advice - all well and good but there is a societal and personal element to this that mere medicine does not cover.

well for some people playgroup is essential. what about people who rely on playgroup such as depressed people?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2724/462326?stamp=080122215542&msgid=9352944#scaddmsg
Mumsnet Discussions - to be cross with childminders being overprotective when my boy is infectious?! (Am I being unreasonable?)
ds had slapped cheek and the gp told me i didn't need to keep him at home unless he felt unwell with it.

i had glandular fever and was told the same.

i would keep him away if he had something more serious like scarlet fever, measles, mumps, rubella, impetigo, scabies, whooping cough, influenza, chicken pox etc.

don't know what quite happened there!

I'm going to swim against the tide as well, MaeBee. I don't think you were unreasonable, based on what I read in your original post.

It seems to me that you have followed the advice of an agency who can be expected to be a trusted authority on the matter - and this has been confirmed by a MNetter who is a GP - which was not to keep your child away from the group. I might, like you, have been miffed if anyone had stopped my child from playing in a certain area or with certain toys.

Just remember, just because the it's the majority doesn't mean it's right.

i just found this which also says it is ok a long with many other illnesses such as hand foot & mouth and tonsillitis.

I dont think you should have taken your son.. i dont think you meant to do wrong as you followed what you thought was proper advice...however.. i really really wish people with ill kids (even heavy colds) would NOT take their kids to play groups... I have had a sick toddler for almost a year now.. to cut a long story short..he had to be on constant antibiotics & we were told to try & avoid anyone who was very unwell.. my child was NOT spreading anything... just had a low immune system & poor love kept catching things...
im afraid to say... that its people like you that have meant my DS has had to stay away from these groups completly for the last year!! why ...people just cant keep their children away from other kids when they know their kid is unwell..is beyond me! is it really that hard to stay home that day?? i have had to become a recluse to keep my son healthy- beacause of people who are just so selfish & ignorant... a mild sticky eye to your child could have really hurt my child!??
now my child is not spreading anything...your child is.. but its my little boy who is forced to stay at home...cos ignorant people cant just do the morally correct thing & take their kids to these places regardless...
sorry for the rant... but im just sick of stupid people being so selfish! Just stay at home!!?!(this is NOT saying you are one of these...as I said at the beginning....you thought u were doing the right thing at the time..but hopefully now,would not do it again?!)

jkb - So sorry for your ds, that sounds awful. Big hugs for him, bless.
People just dont think of the implications of what theyre doing sometimes.

After reading the posts, I'm actually surprised that the leader of a Surestart group would let people with an ill child stay. They have rules too (at least ours does) which state that ill children should be bought and the illnesses are listed for all parents to read and adhere to before thinking of bringing their child/ren.

This is also an area of social deprivation and many are SAHM and SAHD who either don't work/are training to get work or work nights and so bring their children to groups. They are NOT ALLOWED to leave a sick child (inc c-j)in the creche so they can have time for themselves.

PLEASE PLEASE stay at home Maebee while your child is poorly with this c'j, cms are not unfriendly, we don't form gangs intentionally, most are very nice if you confirm to the playgroup rules and bring him when he is clear, as I said earlier, we are trying to protect our mindees which are NOT our own kids, to stay healthy as part of our cm standards, we have to be VERY careful in our jobs these days. To stay home will not hurt, I'm sure you have plenty of toys he can play with and do things with him at home. When he is better, come back and ask cm's some advice, we are Mothers and fathers ourselves and have quite a bit of experience with our own children, especially if like me have a 17 yr old, 14 yr old and 5 year old!

mine have just had it and i was advised by doc to stay away from everyone as is highly contagious