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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross with childminders being overprotective when my boy is infectious?!

248 replies

MaeBee · 22/01/2008 12:18

my ds has mild conjunctivitis. i checked the advice on the NHS website before taking him to a toddler group, and it said continue going to playgroups and schools. so i did. and i warned every parent coming in, cos my toddler is a big fan of little babies in particular and likes to kiss them, so i thought if i warned them then they could stop him rubbing his face on their babies if i hadn't got there first!
well, without exception all the parents were fine about it. but the childminders were all a bit arsey. they all tend to sit in one corner together and every time my ds went over there they just picked him up and put him away, not even letting him in that corner where some of the toys are.
in the end i left early, because he was feeling unwell and because i wasn't sure what to do. but now im feeling i should have been more confrontational. the other thing is, its a SureStart group,its free, set up in deprived areas to help parents. i don't have a problem at all with the childminders also using it, but i do if they start hogging an area and being mean to my kid.
am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
lulumama · 22/01/2008 18:57

amen to that, colditz

juuule · 22/01/2008 19:00

Well said Overmydeadbody. Plus I can't see there's much benefit in going for your ds MaeBee if he's not feeling well in himself anyway. Stay away until it's cleared up.

lennygrrl · 22/01/2008 19:00

Message withdrawn

ineedapoo · 22/01/2008 19:06

well said colditz so it looks like we have 3 points on why you are being unreasonable

You will infect other children. Parents may loose time of work and money or a job at the end of the day.

Other children will be unwell and miserable.

Your son probably feels unwell and isn't gaining anything from going out.

Judging on these views most people think you are selfish perhaps some parenst at the groups who didn't say it to your face do.

So who is gaining from going to groups, one person not the other children, not your child but YOU.

Yes I have been to toddler groups with childminders they are normally with other childminders and why not. They do the same job understand each others points of views etc. They are also probably very experienced with childhood illnesses and do not want to be put in the position of having to ring a working parent and ask them to pick up their child because they have conjuctivitis.

Still going tomorrow

LoveMyGirls · 22/01/2008 19:06

I'm a childminder and I think YABVU, if I had gone to that group and for eg my own 2yr old dd had caught conjuctivitus from your ds I would then have to close until she was clear therefore losing at least 2 days pay I would be letting down my mindee's parents and they would have to find alternative care for their children maybe even as colditz says losing money or their job too and then in turn I would lose my mindee - now sometimes this happens because it can't be helped but in this case you could just stay at home for a couple of days and no-one else need be infected/ involved.

Explain please how you will be as negetivly affected by not going for one day?

If you go to that group tomorrow you are being selfish and out of order no matter what NHS direct says.

Original poster
MaeBee · 22/01/2008 19:20

i think this is amazing! its ignorant mass hysteria in action.
medical professional advice is that conjunctivitis is mild, LIKE A COLD. and therefore there is no need to keep kids away from other kids. but, some out of date nurseries and childminders won't take kids with conjunctivitis, thus meaning many other parents of kids suffer by losing time off work. which can mean loss of pay. which is a terrible blow for many families. however, instead of encouraging more nurseries and childminders to follow NHS guidelines and allow kids with minor infections to go to these places, you think the whole current ignorant majority should be followed?! thus meaning parents continue to lose pay whilst looking after their kids who aren't so ill they need to stay home?
sorry, i don't get it. its so short sighted!
however, i totally understand you don't want your own kids or charges getting ill. its horrible when your kids are ill. my boy seems unbothered by his running nose and running eyes and in a great mood nonetheless. he's only as ill as when he has a cold. which he often does. so, following your logic, is it selfish of me to take him to toddler groups when he has a cold? which, as the good doctor has said, can be worse than conjunctivitis? thus meaning time off work, etc?
of course i won't go tomorrow if he seems too ill because he wouldn't be happy. i have more fulfilling things to do than sing old macdonald. but he does get a lot out of toddler groups when he's well. and unless anyone gives me a sensible, logical arguement why i shouldn't take my child to a toddler group when he has a minor ailment than i would be an idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaeBee · 22/01/2008 19:22

oh,and,sssh, but the childminders don't know/don't go to this group so it probably won't be an issue. i will of course ask the group leader. and inform other parents, so we can all take some measures to stop the spread of this mild infection.

OP posts:
ineedapoo · 22/01/2008 19:23

Maebee you are ontradicting yourself you say you had to take him home as he was feeling unwell and yet you say he is in a great mood ???!!!

ineedapoo · 22/01/2008 19:23

contradicting even

CrushWithEyeliner · 22/01/2008 19:26

You don't think you have been given sensible, logical reasons here as to why you should have keep him at home?
You really don't get it do you? I think you have hit the nail on the head there in your last few words.

lulumama · 22/01/2008 19:27

look, you asked if you were being unreasonable

majority opinion is that you are

that is different to mass hysteria

an you said in your OP he was feeling unwell and that is why you took him home......|

i would rather my DCs and me caught a cold than conjunctivitis, had it last year and it was agony, my eyes were burning and felt like they had been rubbed with hot grit for 4 - 5 days. a cold is far less unpleasant IMO and IME

kindersurprise · 22/01/2008 19:29

You are not reliant on a childminder or a nursery, but other families are. To risk infecting their DCs is selfish.

It has nothing to do with guidelines, it is a basic courtesy. How can you be oblivious to that?

Original poster
MaeBee · 22/01/2008 19:30

i will ask the people in the group and if anyone has an issue, leave. fair enough?
he is a great mood surprisingly! don't think i would be.
love and health to you all, anyway.

OP posts:
CrushWithEyeliner · 22/01/2008 19:33

so if someone tells you "yes, I have a major issue with you bringing an infectious, ill child here to play with my newborn" you will honor their wishes? hardly the impression you've given here...

ineedapoo · 22/01/2008 19:33

I wouldn't say it to your face to be honest but would moan about behind your back at a group to be honest

sum1 · 22/01/2008 19:34

Oh, this thread makes me feel vindicated.
(Dances in her chair)
I was heavily slated on MN years ago for saying that I didn't think conjunctivitis needed to be treated with antiBs every time -- actually, I suspect it rarely needs antiBs. 2 very conventional friends were the first to suggest that to me and I thought it was worth a try. If you don't clean it and leave it alone it sorts itself out, just takes a bit longer than when antiBs are used (ime).
No one in my house has ever caught it from someone else in the house, either.
I got dragged over hot coals on MN for saying all that...
Now it's official advice.
Hahahahahahahaaaa
Must go find the old threads and gloat.

Wouldn't take my obviously cj-infected child to a toddler group, though, just in case -- not my place to impose a tiny risk on others. But how amusing to be proven RIGHT all along (as if I didn't know from years of experience, anyway).
Hahahahahahaaaaa.

Original poster
MaeBee · 22/01/2008 19:34

so do i have to keep him home every time he has anything slightly wrong with him?

OP posts:
lulumama · 22/01/2008 19:36

no, but when something as obvious as conjunctivitis, and your toddler is one who loves to kiss and touch other babies and children,then yes !

also, i doubt people will tell you honestly what they think.. thye will just whinge behind your back ! such is human nature

ineedapoo · 22/01/2008 19:38

It is a difficult call MaeBee my rules for my 2 for their benefit as well as others are.
They stay in if they have D+V and for at least 24 hours after.
They stay in if they have needed calpol for at temperature that morning.
Thay stay in if they have conjuctivitis or something like chicken pox etc.
they stay in if they are unwell in themselves.
Colds and coughs if they aren't unwell they go out

Weegle · 22/01/2008 19:39

I would rather myself or my Ds have a cold any day over conjunctivitis. It is mild in that it won't kill you but it is seriously more irritating and uncomfortable than an everyday cold.

I'm becoming increasingly gobsmacked how you can't see that you are being selfish. 1 hour's play FFS - take him to the bloody park where he's not sharing toys and not cuddling little babies.

And no - asking if people have an issue once you are there is not fair enough. V few people like confrontation and will feel awkward to say they don't want you there. Fact. But obviously you choose to believe they genuinely don't mind.

ineedapoo · 22/01/2008 19:39

i do also think they gain from having some time at home to do 1 to 1 things with parents as well as from groups

lulumama · 22/01/2008 19:40

my rules pretty similar ineeda.... ( cannot bring myself to do your name in full !! )

ineedapoo · 22/01/2008 19:42

sorry lulumama

LoveMyGirls · 22/01/2008 19:42

Conjunctivitus - if complications occur can lead to Meningitis, Cellulitis, Septicaemia in babies..........I wouldn't take my child anywhere that they were going to be in contact with babies.

I also think that if they shouldn't share towels, bedding etc then I don't think you should put your son in a situation where he will be sharing toys.

lulumama · 22/01/2008 19:42

sorry, have had a day of poo.....long story