to be cross with childminders being overprotective when my boy is infectious?!

[MaeBee]

my ds has mild conjunctivitis. i checked the advice on the NHS website before taking him to a toddler group, and it said continue going to playgroups and schools. so i did. and i warned every parent coming in, cos my toddler is a big fan of little babies in particular and likes to kiss them, so i thought if i warned them then they could stop him rubbing his face on their babies if i hadn't got there first!
well, without exception all the parents were fine about it. but the childminders were all a bit arsey. they all tend to sit in one corner together and every time my ds went over there they just picked him up and put him away, not even letting him in that corner where some of the toys are.
in the end i left early, because he was feeling unwell and because i wasn't sure what to do. but now im feeling i should have been more confrontational. the other thing is, its a SureStart group,its free, set up in deprived areas to help parents. i don't have a problem at all with the childminders also using it, but i do if they start hogging an area and being mean to my kid.
am i being unreasonable?

absolutely agree with you heated with your point about considerations. just don't see why it has to descend into personal attack rather than rational discussion.

I haven't read all of this but my DS had conjuntivitis in his first term at school and they wouldn't have him there until he had seen a doctor. I took him home and got a doctors appointment for that day. I told him what the school had said and he just tutted and said it was overkill and DS should have gone to school, no problem. I did wonder if a bad dose could damage eyes and he said no. DS went to school the next day and the school didn't say a word.

I really didn't realise it was such a big issue and it would seem, nor do other mothers round our way as I quite often see children with sticky eyes. It can't be that contagious as my boys have only had it once or twice each ever.

The question for me is if the child is feeling unwell or not. If he was not feeling great he should have stayed at home.

But children are very good at spreading illness because they don't always wash their hands, put inquisitive fingers in each others faces, so conjunctivitis is highly infectious in that age group. You find similar cases for instance with glandular fever amongst uni students.

It is perfectly possibly then Niecie, rather than waiting for your child to be clear of infection, that other mothers will have to have had time of work etc as you have done. It's not the medical facts regarding treatment that are at issue, but all the other factors outlined in my previous post. The reason why so many posts on this thread is because so many MNers feel a responsibility beyond just me and mine.

I am no expert so I can only do what the doctors tell me. The school didn't care one way or another so long as he saw a doctor and the doctor said it was OK. What was I supposed to say, the school want him back, the doctor say he doesn't need to be off but I'll keep him at home anyway, even though everybody is telling me there is no need?

When I was a child we were kept off school with chickenpox until the scabs had dropped off. They don't do that now - you only wait until the blisters have scabbed over. Guidelines change and if the guidelines are saying you don't have to isolate your child how, as an amateur, am I supposed to know any different? I have to rely on the guidelines and the doctors.

This is only my experience, not relevant to the OP because her little boy was ill. Mine wasn't.

It seems to me that people are saying that it is OK for me to be inconvenienced by having to take a day (or more) off work if my dd has conjunctivitis which, though potentially infectious, does not make her ill so that I do not send her to nursery to maybe infect another child just in case that other child's parent has to stay off even though the medical advice is that, in the majority of cases, nobody should have to stay home from nursery.

It amounts to saying that because most nurseries overreact (if what some people here are saying is true) it makes it the only right thing to do for everyone else to do the same.

tori- you could have caught the cold from the person next to you in Sainsbury's. The fact that it went nasty may have more to do with compromised immunity from being pregnant. Any of your seemingly well mindees could be spraying you daily with nasty illnesses before they even seem ill- many childhood illnesses cease to be contagious as soon as or soon after symptoms appear. You sound as though you have an axe to grind against this poor kid's parents.

MrsHighwater I am not suggesting keeping a child off for a sniffle, however, if a child has been up half the night for 2 nights running with cold symptoms/cough/ eyes sticking together, they will be in no fit state during the day to cope with normal activity. Therefore, they need to be at home, where they can have lots of TLC, rest and sleep.

niece I have already said that conjunctivitis in school children is not so serious because they understand not to rub their eyes if you explain why, wash hands more often, share less toys etc. It is easier to limit infection in that age group. With toddlers it is not that simple. Also, a toddler missing a play session is not going to cause the same degree of disruption to education as keeping a child off school.

If you know your child to be infectious then they should not be at nursery, school etc.

Duchesse, the only axe I have to grind regarding the mother of the mindee was that she neglected to tell me that for 2 nights running her child had been up coughing and had a temp, suggesting more than just a mild cold, which the child then proceeded to pass on to me, my other mindees and dd. I said she would need to stay off if the same happened on the 3rd night, which it did. She was then off with a chest infection. IMO she was irresponsible, knowing that I was pg and how it can compromise immunity. Also, she knew we were going to a country park in not so brilliant weather on the second day and still sent her dd who had been up coughing half the night.

The medical advice is just that, medical. Ppl on here have not by and large been disagreeing with that. But it in no way considers other factors that impinge on everybody else. If my child is ill or infectious then yes I expect to be inconvenienced but certainly not you or your children. I am irritated indeed when parents knowingly send an ill or infectious child in to nursery or to my place of work (teacher). It is a pretty selfish thing to do.

tori32, we've rather departed from the op's precise situation by now. To be clear, I'm referring to a situation where the child is not feeling unwell - I understood from the OP's op that her dc was not feeling unwell until later on. If a child feels unwell then, of course, he/she should stay at home - but that's not what this argument has been about, in the main.

Certainly most people are not, as far as I can see, making any distinction between the child feeling unwell or feeling fine apart from the relatively minor discomfort of conjunctivitis.

The consensus of the majority appears to be that, since many nurseries and schools insist that children with conjunctivitis (regardless of how they are feeling) should not attend, then it is "selfish", "unbelievably selfish" and/or "unreasonable" for any parent to send their child to nursery/school/CM/toddler's group if they have it - regardless of how the infected child is feeling - because, since most nurseries/schools etc, have this rule - that medical opinion appears to suggest is unnecessary - other parents might end up having to take time off work after their kids catch it.

My point is that all it would take, in most cases, would be for nurseries, etc, to accept medical opinion and abandon the rule. Then no-one needs to take time off work unless their own child is actually ill.

Unfortunately there is a wide grey area between a slightly ill child but well enough not to be kept off, and one who is too ill to be at school. In these days of 24/7 working, some parents do not have the leisure to take off days unnecessarily. It is all very well to say that the parents can just take days off, but take my sister's case: She's a single mother (through NO fault of her own) of a 4 yr old and 6 yr old, and has to work full time to pay for frivolous things such as food and mortgage. She has usual holiday leave (all used up on sickness days for her kids) and 5 days a year of special leave available for emergencies. She used these all up in October when the 6 yr old broke his arm and needed taking back and forth to the orthopaedic clinic. So when her 4 yr old began coughing before Christmas, she had no option but to continue sending her to nursery. She had antibiotics which had no effect, and a month later developed pneumonia. Three days later, she had to go back to nursery. This is the reality for many parents and children. CM and nurseries are part of that system, and I can guarantee they are not bearing the sole brunt of how we all live now: so are the parents and children.

My sister would love to be able to take days off when her children are sick, but the reality is that she has to make judgment calls every single day about whether they are sick enough for her to use her special leave or holiday. If she had to take days off b/c her kids had conjunctivitis, she would be on the dole, and her children would be living in poverty.

But the doctor said it wasn't contagious. I can't believe you wouldn't allow me to accept his word?! How is that impinging on you if the advice is that it isn't contagious?

Tori, DS was 4 younger than DS2 is now who still goes to toddler groups being as he hasn't started school yet. In my experience, things go round class rooms quicker than they go round toddler groups.

Niecie, it is definitely better to accept your doctor's advice (unless it clearly conflicts with reason) than the opinion of anyone whom you only know as pixels on a computer screen.

MsHighwater - that would be rational and common sense thing to do, I agree!

I don't know, you shouldn't listen to doctors, you shouldn't listen to your HV, soon the only people you will be able to advice from is MN! Just as well we spent so many years at medical school.

morning! for those of you who are interested, and many of you with experience of cj no doubt are, my little one's eyes are much much better. not stuck together this morning and not produced gunk since i wiped the little bit off.

i borrowed my neighbours breastmilk yesterday, poured it in twice. am asking for some more today! she didnt bat an eyelid at my odd request.

we will go to group today. we both have snotty noses, but i consider that par for the course with under 2s.

Yay!

Maebee - just ignore all the stupid, ill informed and bitchy comments on here - there are plenty of Mums on here who wouldn't bat an eyelid about a cj kid at toddler group - as you so rightly say it's par for the course, end of and the more dcs are exposed to these bugs before the age of 5, the better IMHO and IME!

I am so glad my cm was older, wiser and more down to earth, unless a child was D&V she would take them, it made going to work a lot easier for those that can't just 'take a day off'!

I am also a mum who wouldnt bat an eyelid at toddler group or coming to visit

You got advice and did the best you could in the circumstances

And I think the CM were unreasonable for not letting him choose a toy from their corner I can understand why they might not want to have close contact with him at a push but to exclude toys from him is wrong

I have always found that CM's dont associate with moms at Mother and Toddlers unless it is to hand out their very superior advice

I came back on this thread this morning to check whether I had it right, we were only talking about conjunctivitis, a cold in the eyes because there were just so many alarmist posts on here that I wondered if we were talking about something a lot more serious but no, it was only conjunctivitis.

If a child is eating, sleeping and has no temperature they aren't that ill so I wouldn't keep them at home. Simple as that. The childminders need to update their information if they think there is a case for quarantine with this.

Maebee, glad your little boy is OK today and he can go out and have fun without being treated like a leper. The wonders of breastmilk, ehh.

Maebee has just hit the nail on the head. 'I have been bathing my childs eyes with breastmilk'. That is a good thing to do, the only way the eyes tend to clear/ to prevent them sticking together is frequent bathing. A CM with potentially 6 children to look after, usually 3 under 5 does not have the time to diligently bath eyes every couple of hours, nor does a nursery. Therefore, prevention is better than treatment i.e. isolation.

When my dd had gummy eyes (not conjunctivitis, just associated with a minor cold), I was advised to rub a tiny amount of "no more tears" type shampoo on her eyes. I tried it and it worked.

I have no idea whether it would do conjunctivitis any good (and I'm not advocating it as treatment for that) but I was impressed.

my son just got conjuctivitis and the nursery said it must be at least 24 hours from when you start giving them drops before they can take them back, plus eyes shouldn't weep anymore, if they do after 24 hours, then, stay away for longer. The nurser said, at least, 2 days at home.

thread one year old so hope conjuctivitis has cleared up by now LOL