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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross with childminders being overprotective when my boy is infectious?!

248 replies

MaeBee · 22/01/2008 12:18

my ds has mild conjunctivitis. i checked the advice on the NHS website before taking him to a toddler group, and it said continue going to playgroups and schools. so i did. and i warned every parent coming in, cos my toddler is a big fan of little babies in particular and likes to kiss them, so i thought if i warned them then they could stop him rubbing his face on their babies if i hadn't got there first!
well, without exception all the parents were fine about it. but the childminders were all a bit arsey. they all tend to sit in one corner together and every time my ds went over there they just picked him up and put him away, not even letting him in that corner where some of the toys are.
in the end i left early, because he was feeling unwell and because i wasn't sure what to do. but now im feeling i should have been more confrontational. the other thing is, its a SureStart group,its free, set up in deprived areas to help parents. i don't have a problem at all with the childminders also using it, but i do if they start hogging an area and being mean to my kid.
am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
lennygrrl · 22/01/2008 12:41

Message withdrawn

QuintessentialShadow · 22/01/2008 12:42

I have conjunctivities, it is bloody painful, I have had dropsin both eyes 4 times a day since monday, still 3 days to go, my eyes still hurt.

No imagine this in a baby, both mine have had it, and it is a nightmare to drop the eyes of a baby, and a sulky uncomfortable baby for nearly a week is more than anybody would want.

Now when you put side by side a week of suffering for a baby for the sake of your child having fun for a couple of hours, I would say you are not just extremely unreasonable, but thoughtless, and selfish, and in fact you come across as very silly.

ROSEgarden · 22/01/2008 12:43

Well the op hasnt come back but if she does ..YES YABVU!, conjuctivitus is conjunctivitus!, you can NOT let your child come into contact with another child(or grown up for that matter-seperate towels theory etc)...why should the parents have to stop your ds rubbing his face on their babies???..you already know it IS infectious by saying that!..he's YOUR responsability, just as the children who were with the cm's were THEIR responsability and its plainly obvious they dont want their mindees catching it!
im a cm and surestart is NOT just for parents, esp not ones who want to pass on all sorts of infectious diseases, its for the community, they prob sit in a corner cos they know each other, have you neevr been to a group where you knew someone and sat with them?
They just had more balls to keep you ds(because of his conjunctivitus) away, you shouldnt have taken him simple as that, you are in the wrong, not them!

posieflump · 22/01/2008 12:43

oh dear I think we have scared her off

QuintessentialShadow · 22/01/2008 12:44

Sorry not since monday, it was monday yesterday, last monday.

LynetteScavo · 22/01/2008 12:46

MaeBee, on another thread, you have said your DS has a cold, conjuctivitis, and red cheeks. You have agreed with another poster it could be fith disease.

Next time you DS is not well, please keep him away form babies.

lulumama · 22/01/2008 12:48

so your toddler has conjunctivitis, which you know is infectious... and he loves to kiss babies and rub their faces.. and you think you are being reasonable???

CMs were quite justified in moving him away from their charges ,IMO

you are being unreasonable and quite snotty about CMs too

frazzledbutcalm · 22/01/2008 12:49

I agree with everyone, yabu. Conjunctivitis is highly infectious dd2 had it a month ago and gp advised she had to stay off school until completely cleared up. It spread through her class even though all children were being sent home at the first signs of it. 2 of my friends are childminders and they are not allowed to accept children with any infectious illness, they have to think of all of their mindees. I was with 1 of them the other day when we noticed 1 of her mindees had what appeared to be hand, foot and mouth. She had to ring the parents and arrange for child to be taken home immediately. I wouldnt take my dc anywhere if they had any infectious illness.

LynetteScavo · 22/01/2008 12:50

Unfortunately this is not the first time I ahve come cross minded children being considered as not deserving the same as non minded children. Surely when facilities like this are provided, they are there foremost for the child?
Please put me straight someone, if you think I'm wrong.

louii · 22/01/2008 12:56

I agree that you are being very unreasonable, if a child at my toddler group had conjunctivitus i would make sure my ds stayed well away.

There are lots of grandmothers at my group that bring their grandchildren, should they not be allowed to attend either?

Kitti · 22/01/2008 12:56

I think you were really just upset because the childminders moved him away and I can understand thatto see him deliberately being kept away seems unfair but it is an infectious disease and people do have to be careful, mothers and childminders. Obviously it didn't seem too bad to you or I don't believe you would have gone to the group but it isn't really enough to just warn people about it. I had a friend whose kids had impetigo and they kept passing it to each other and she couldn't get rid of it but then we all met up for a day out and I thought they'd got rid of it and they clearly hadn't and they were touching food and giving it to my kids - I was horrified but couldn't say anything for fear of upsetting her - these other parents may have felt the same way - secretly horrifed but daren't tell you. It's best to just keep your child at home - it's not easy and I know it's difficult when you think your child is missing out but it's only until the infection clears up and believe me - you're going to have alot of those to deal with in the future!! I hope that you've not been too upset by the responses - we are all so protective of our kids and it is very easy to get angry at other moms when we feel that they are being selfish and unreasonable. Chin up - think of all the stuff you have to look forwatd too - headlice, molluscum, chicken pox etc etc

lennygrrl · 22/01/2008 12:56

Message withdrawn

MaureenMLove · 22/01/2008 12:59

Its not anything that I've ever come across tbh. Its just so normal for cm's around here, no one bats an eyelid. (heathly eyelid that is! )

I get the feeling she is making the point that minded children should be going to paid playgroups. She has mentioned that the group was set up in a deprived area to help parents. That suggests to me that many parents don't work in that area and that the CM's clearly have money and obviously the parents of mindees do work, so don't need the freebies iyswim!

whoops · 22/01/2008 13:00

YABU,
my dd has conjunctivitus and has missed out on playing with her cousin and going to a birthday party as well as being of nursery for 2 days luckily she has understood whyc she has missed out on these things
I was told to keep her away for 48hours while the drops had chance to start working but I Have kept her away for longer just to be safe

lennygrrl · 22/01/2008 13:01

Message withdrawn

looneytune · 22/01/2008 13:03
  • speechless really and it's all been said anyway. Yes, I am aware NHS etc. say no need to exclude for this but MY policies say they DO need to be excluded and for very good reason! It's highly infectious and well, when ds had it when he was a toddler he woke up screaming as his eyes were glued together by the stuff and not only did it hurt like hell but he was terrified because he didn't understand why he couldn't open his eyes Having children from new born babies onwards, no way would I risk it and yes, YABVU!

Oh, said i was speechless didn't I Well, obviously had something to say in the end!

ROSEgarden · 22/01/2008 13:03

here Mo, have some popcorn

looneytune · 22/01/2008 13:03

lennyg - I was thinking the same but wasn't sure if it was a regular poster or not?

posieflump · 22/01/2008 13:04

'I get the feeling she is making the point that minded children should be going to paid playgroups. She has mentioned that the group was set up in a deprived area to help parents. That suggests to me that many parents don't work in that area and that the CM's clearly have money and obviously the parents of mindees do work, so don't need the freebies iyswim! '

shouldn't we wait to see if she comes back before we start putting words into her mouth

belgo · 22/01/2008 13:05

YABU - have you ever had conjunctivitis? it is very painful and can be very difficult to treat. It's very selfish to expose other children to that.

Enid · 22/01/2008 13:06

the advice has changed re conjunctivitis

no longer banned from nurseries say gp

MaureenMLove · 22/01/2008 13:08

Nah, it wouldn't be MN if we didn't summise these things! And its full moon today.

I think the answer to the OP has been well and truely made anyway. Not much point in going over it again and again.

dmo · 22/01/2008 13:08

we childminders in our area are not allowed to use the surestart childrens centres its for parents and grandparents only

as you live in a deprived area we as childminders have been on courses to educate parents in deprived areas on raising their children and keeping theirs and other children safe for example not sending their children to toddler groups with an infection and not allowing their children to drink juice from a bottle

QuintessentialShadow · 22/01/2008 13:08

My friend was a childminder in a deprived area. Her mindees was not from working parents, they were referred to her by social services, where parents needed breathing space, or the children needed a save daytime environment, or mums were trying to find work, etc.

edam · 22/01/2008 13:09

conjunctivitis is horribly infectious and nasty to have, so I agree with all the rest, YABU. NHS Direct barking.