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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross with childminders being overprotective when my boy is infectious?!

248 replies

MaeBee · 22/01/2008 12:18

my ds has mild conjunctivitis. i checked the advice on the NHS website before taking him to a toddler group, and it said continue going to playgroups and schools. so i did. and i warned every parent coming in, cos my toddler is a big fan of little babies in particular and likes to kiss them, so i thought if i warned them then they could stop him rubbing his face on their babies if i hadn't got there first!
well, without exception all the parents were fine about it. but the childminders were all a bit arsey. they all tend to sit in one corner together and every time my ds went over there they just picked him up and put him away, not even letting him in that corner where some of the toys are.
in the end i left early, because he was feeling unwell and because i wasn't sure what to do. but now im feeling i should have been more confrontational. the other thing is, its a SureStart group,its free, set up in deprived areas to help parents. i don't have a problem at all with the childminders also using it, but i do if they start hogging an area and being mean to my kid.
am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
lennygrrl · 22/01/2008 15:54

Message withdrawn

luvaduck · 22/01/2008 16:03

just to clarify
the child in the OP is not "very ill" as suggested below
it is a mild self limiting infection that doesn't usually require antibiotics, regardless of whether its bacterial or viral.
it can be equated to the common cold.

mumzyof2 · 22/01/2008 16:03

Regardless of any advice given by GP's, I would be livid if I took my ds to a nursery, and he caught conjunctivitus from a child, whose mother KNEW he had it, but still took him anyway. If babies go to that play group, I think even more unreasonable, as even though your ds probably wasnt rubbing his eyes on them, their siblings probably go there and may very well catch it and pass it on to them. Iv never seen a baby with conjunctivitus, but i bet it isnt nice or pleasant for them. As for the cm's, if a child they are looking after catches conj, they well have to stay at home, therefore they cm loses out on money, the parents have to stay home to look after child, and a child is unwell - all because you wouldnt stay at home for two hours. Think about it will you?
The nhs website mentions SCHOOLS, not playgroups. Chiodren at playgroups are younger, touch each other more, share more toys, and wash hands less than those are school. It is far more likely to be passed around at playgroups than schools.
rant over - having bad day....
...week actually

luvaduck · 22/01/2008 16:05

babies with conjunctivitis are usually not bothered by it
HPA advice applies to nurseries as well
sorry to hear you are having a bad day by the way

luvaduck · 22/01/2008 16:05

babies with conjunctivitis are usually not bothered by it
HPA advice applies to nurseries as well
sorry to hear you are having a bad day by the way

mumzyof2 · 22/01/2008 16:07

thanks luvaduck

Mum2Luke · 22/01/2008 16:10

I was looking after a 9 mth baby (I'm a childminder too) and he caught conjunctivitis off a child who was doing precisely the same thing, I did say, politely that the Mum should not have bought the toddler as he had conjunctivitis and she was huffy to me.

I then had to explain to the Mum of the baby who then had to take unpaid time off work to look after him (as I look after other children) Maebee please think before you take your child with an infectious disease, it does have implications when we are looking after working peoples' children. I could understand too why the cms picked up and moved him too they are in the same boat as myself - looking after other people's children.

lennygrrl · 22/01/2008 16:11

Message withdrawn

nametaken · 22/01/2008 16:13

Some of you lot have been horrible to the OP.

Lets remember she was in fact following government guidelines.

Remember years ago when government guidelines said babies were to be put to sleep on their tummies - was it the mothers fault when they did this and their babies died of SIDS.

Have some compassion.

Mum2Luke · 22/01/2008 16:14

Before you all ask, no I didn't take the baby to tots until he was clear and his Mum bought him back to me.

luvaduck · 22/01/2008 16:14

maybe there should be an article in a national newspaper appraising the evidence so that everyone is singing from the same hymn sheet and no-one has to take any time off!!!!!
out of interest (ds not old enough for CM yet and is my preferred childcare option) what do you do when a child has a cold? do you not look after them
and mumzyof2, things can only get better...

lennygrrl · 22/01/2008 16:14

Message withdrawn

crace · 22/01/2008 16:17

But he was ill, ill with a cold and conjunctivitis - very spreadable. I would have been furious as a parent not just a childminder. As Mum2Luke said, this has greater implications than the OP being offended.

lennygrrl · 22/01/2008 16:17

Message withdrawn

colditz · 22/01/2008 16:17

He was ill and contagious.

YABU

Hulababy · 22/01/2008 16:18

When DD had conjunctivitus she was not allowed to go into nursery. Her school do not let you go in with it either.
I was sent home from work - I work in a prison - when I caught it from DD. Wasn't allowe dback till it had gon.

Conjunctivitusis highly contagious.

I do understand your annoyance about the CMs removing your child. That was out of order IMO. They should have spoken to you directly.

nametaken · 22/01/2008 16:19

No, but it both cases parents were following government guidelines, as we all do, especially when it's our first and we have no-one else to refer to.

luvaduck · 22/01/2008 16:21

no lennygrrl but mum2luke has a point. research and evidence are coming out all the time so advcie changes. medical advice these days is mostly evidenced based (all though some docs don't do this and theres no excuse) rather than anecdotal and therefore much more powerful. so its a good analogy - your mum might say for example -"well i put you to sleep on your tummy and you were fine" - thats an anecdote but research/evidence shows that since the back to sleep campaign based on millions of babies the rate of sids has dropped dramtically. so advice changes. and it take a while for the message to spread so all can adopt the same policy. (and a certain tabloid doesn't help - sorry irrelevant point but the number of consultations i do because they have read something in the bloody tabloid paper)

luvaduck · 22/01/2008 16:24

no it won't change lennygrrl BUT i fully understand how annoying it is for mums, and really do empathise.
its not anyones fault - and we need to change the system - so everyone has the same policy.
and ds has already had conjuntivitis - my husband is a GP as well and brings home all sorts of infection to us both. and no we didn't treat him.

ROSEgarden · 22/01/2008 16:27

To the op, its not just Mumsnetter that think this, you have asked a wide range of people wtheir opinion, we are mums/childminders etc and we are not face to face with you, unsure if we will upset you by being honest...i would suggest these parents actually thought oh god i hope ds/dd doesnt get it but ill look really awkward if i say anything?....with reg to your little playgroup..EVERYONE is entitled to go, like someone else said, cm's will have been going long before you and will continue to go long after..you dont decide who's allowed in, cm's continue to offer good educational and fun activities fr local children while thier paretns work/havea break..we are not above you, nor are we below you..cm's should not be shoved out just so a mum can go once in a while, i bet the cm's go religiously every week, providing the group with a reason to stay open!, most groups were i am(also surestart) have to close cos its ONLY the cm's who are regulars!

Flibbertyjibbet · 22/01/2008 16:29

I dont' know of any nursery that will take a child while conjunctivitis is in the weepy stage. I have had to take days off work while my two had conjunctivitis and would never consider taking them to a playgroup etc.
Its a contagious infection!

lennygrrl · 22/01/2008 16:29

Message withdrawn

lennygrrl · 22/01/2008 16:31

Message withdrawn

luvaduck · 22/01/2008 16:36

sorry have to dash also (god this thing is addictive) have acheived nothing today! but will be back to give you more links

Original poster
MaeBee · 22/01/2008 16:46

sorry but have now had advice from 2 GPs and from NHS direct website, and i will be taking my little one to a group tomorrow. i will again warn people so they can move him off their children if he and their child are in physical contact. i never ever objected to that, its WHY i warned people in the first place. it was moving my child from the iinformally established childminders area (as i said, their children were playing everywhere not just there, and rightly so) it was moving my child from the toys in that corner which EVERY child has a right to.
and i do detect a whole lot of snobbery here too from cm's! why is that? all this: we were here first nonsense? i've already said i think i was blaming cm's as a whole cos i was feeling raw and angry.
so, anyhow, cold OR conjunctivitis, im taking him tomorrow to play, and i kind of think now people should lighten up about diseases. but then, im a bit of the old chickenpox party, let kids eat dirt school of parenting.

OP posts: