Swinging with married man

[namechangeforsexchat]

Not a troll or reporter, I promise, name changed for this as it's very personal!

I am married and DH and I are considering swinging with an ex of mine. No issues with the fact that he's an ex - it was short lived - great sex but not relationship material.

I know he's into swinging and and engaged in multiple situations where he has met people for casual sex / swinging. Issue is, he's married with 2 kids and his wife doesn't know.

Would this put you off meeting him? Or would you think, he's doing this anyway, it's up to him?

Hard hat on....

@Dajeeling wow. You are quite venomous. Maybe I've hit a nerve?

I appreciate comments from those of you who are advising this is a bad idea, because you have personal experience. That's why I came on and asked for advice as it's not the sort of thing you can ask most friends (although I have spoken to one friend!).

@Christmasiscominghohoho thanks for your supportive comments.

@Scarlettpixie he was single when I was with him, we both were. To my knowledge they have had threesomes in the past but not since kids. I can only base this on what he has told me though.

Sounds skanky.

Think very carefully. A fantasy is very different to reality. You may ruin your relationship in pursuit of a thrill. I know someone who's relationship never recoved.

Nasty

Sorry if this has been asked, but how would you feel if you discovered that your DH participated in a threesome with an ex, say last week, and hadn't told you?

I would be careful because there are some very wobbly boundaries around your relationship just now, involving his "fantasies".

What on earth

You come across as thinking you're somehow better than other women, who choose to respect their vows.

You're not, who cares if your DH of many years desires you? That's the case with 1000s marriages, it's quite telling that whilst he desires you, he's needs a bit more than you to feel excited.

As for the wife of your intended shag, of course your sexual kicks should come above her marriage and children's security, why wouldn't they?

Just urghhh!

This is not swinging this would be just flat out cheating on his wife.
That aside, your husband is okay with you fucking your ex? And you are okay that he is okay with that?
I mean there is being a cuck and then there's that.
I can't figure out how you don't find that a total turn off?

@SavoirFlair

In regards to this situation yes. Please don't insinuate I am thick, this is an adult conversation

Most people who engage with swinging (in the real sense) are very open and honest with all partners (specifically married ones) and have regular check ups and take any and all precautions.

This. Go to a club, join Fab Swingers, go swinging, but avoid the married man and cheating.

Just the man then? Not the couple who wants him to do it with them? Typical MN.

Clearly she doesn't have any.

Love how anything calling out the OP what she is she reports. Bet she’s actually just getting off on sharing her sleazy sex stories on Mumsnet 😂🤮

You are not bidding to be Conservative party leader.

To be fair, we don't know this. Is your name Liz, OP? 😉

And Mumsnet, how you can allow a thread to stand on someone who is happy to shag a married man behind his wife’s back (one with children) is beyond me. Spirit of the site indeed

If you want to swing go out and swing… but what you’re describing isn’t swinging.

@Mumspair1

Just the man then? Not the couple who wants him to do it with them? Typical MN.

Eh? Almost everyone on the thread, including me, has said that OP is being selfish, an absolute arsehole to the wife and that it's a fucking grim thing to want to do.

MN has absolutely judged her and her husband for wanting to shag someone who is married without their wife knowing. Rightly so IMO.

I feel bad for the op. It’s so clear she is trying to find a way through this. To be that desperate is hard. So desperate you’d do anything. Inc contacting an ex and asking if he’d wants to watch. It’s bad . Right. Really really bad.

Eugh yuck.

The fact that he's a walking disease should be enough to put you off.

Then the fact he's a lying bastard should be the nail on the coffin.

Your standards must be very low indeed.

@Horological
No thanks. I don't want to be part of your sex festival

In all seriousness OP, don't do it! I was involved in the scene many years ago and it may seem fun and exciting now but you will look back and regret it. So many married men use it to cheat on their partners under the guise of "swinging"

In reality it's usually desperate middle aged married men after an easy shag.

Real classy OP, you sound like a real prize.

I’m trying to imagine the scenario of you and your husband having sex whilst your ex is sitting on a chair in the corner of the room just happily masturbating. I think I’d need therapy after that lol.